Bob Diamond: Did we ever stop to think that this young boy had a bond with his father? I don't think it had anything to do with the friend. I just think Daniel couldn't lie to his dad. That's all. Lena Foster: You're nodding, Mr. Miller. Does that mean you agree with Mr. Diamond? Daniel Miller: Oh, yes. I had a bond with my father. I pretty much never lied to him. Lena Foster: You never lied to your father? Would you like me to show you at least 500 examples? Daniel Miller: I said "pretty much" never lied. I didn't say I never, ever lied. You have to lie sometimes... in an emergency. But, ah, it doesn't mean the bond is affected. If you've got the bond the bond is always there, and if you have to lie occasionally you're not going to interfere with the bond. You know, the bond can wait for a little lie and... in the end it's there for you. You know, sometimes in the middle of a lie I found that the bond would kick in... maybe squeeze a little truth out. Bob Diamond: Psst, wrap it up. Daniel Miller: I'm through.
2
Daniel Miller: So, you're great people to work with, this is a great present, and I wish I could squeeze you all into one pretty woman. And if you'd like to go to my office, I'll try.
3
[Daniel and coworker are in large Jeep] Daniel Miller: Why do you drive this? Jeep Owner: What? Daniel Miller: I'm curious. I see people driving these things. What do you know that I don't? Are floods coming? Hoover Dam broke? What's going on? Jeep Owner: I like this car. Daniel Miller: It's not a car, it's a battering ram. This is what Patton drove: "Hey you, soldier! Follow us!" Jeep Owner: Make fun, but in an 8.5 earthquake, you'll beg for a Jeep. Daniel Miller: In an 8.5 earthquake, I'll beg for a coffin.
4
Daniel Miller: Is this Heaven? Bob Diamond: No, it isn't Heaven. Daniel Miller: Is it Hell? Bob Diamond: Nope, it isn't Hell either. Actually, there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close.
5
Bob Diamond: For example, I use forty-eight percent of my brain. Do you know how much you use? Daniel Miller: Forty... seven? Bob Diamond: [laughs] Three.
6
[Lounge comedian is talking with audience members] Comedian: How'd ya die? Arthur: I was in a coma. Comedian: I'm sorry. How long were you in the coma? Arthur: I really don't know. Comedian: Let's play a game, Art. Elvis: living or dead? Arthur: Living. Comedian: Long coma, Art. Long coma.
7
Comedian: Well, there's a nice-looking young man over there. Hi, how'd ya die? Daniel Miller: On stage, like you.
8
Daniel Miller: What is this? Julia: It's my hotel. Daniel Miller: This is your hotel? Julia: Yeah. Where are you staying? Daniel Miller: Obviously at the place for people that weren't very generous and didn't adopt anybody. I'm at the Continental. Come over one day; we'll paint it.
9
Julia: Do you have a hot tub in your room? Daniel Miller: No... why? Do you? Julia: No! No... it's more like a... it's not even really a hot tub. Y'know, really it just has holes in it... Daniel Miller: You don't have to protect my feelings. It's okay if you've got a got tub. Julia: Oh... well then I do!
10
Julia: The best hot dogs in Judgement City are supposed to be over by the Hall of Records. Daniel Miller: You really love this eating thing, don't you? Julia: To be able to eat as much as you want, never gain an ounce and feel great. Please.
11
Shirley MacLaine: Welcome to the Past Lives Pavilion.
12
Julia: [explaining how she died] We went to visit some friends for the weekend. Everybody wanted to go into town, but I wanted to stay at the house and go swimming. So I went outside, tripped over the chaise lounge, hit my head on the cement and rolled into the pool. Daniel Miller: What did the East German judge give you?
13
Lena Foster: What did you finally invest in, Mr. Miller, do you remember? Daniel Miller: [under his breath] Um, uh... cattle. Lena Foster: And what happened to the cattle? Daniel Miller: I don't know; I never got a straight answer. All I know is that their teeth fell out.
14
Daniel Miller: Offer me $55,000; no more. Daniel's wife: How much do you want? Daniel Miller: How much are you offering? Daniel's wife: Fifty-five thousand dollars. Daniel Miller: I can't work here for a penny under 65. Daniel's wife: Well, I can't pay you 65. Daniel Miller: Then I can't work here. I'm sorry. Daniel's wife: Fifty-eight thousand. Daniel Miller: Sixty-five. Daniel's wife: Sixty. Daniel Miller: Sixty-five. Daniel's wife: Sixty-one? Daniel Miller: Let me make this perfectly clear to you: I can't work for you for any less than $65,000. Lena Foster: Now, your honor, allow me to show you the real encounter. Agency head: I'm prepared to offer you $49,000. Daniel Miller: I'll take it.
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