[Pickup line] Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section. Shaldeen: Why is that? Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Because you could melt all this stuff.
(44 votes)
2
[Vincent Antonelli is questioned about the stolen goods in the trunk of the car he stole] Hannah Stubbs: The books... Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You have something against books? Hannah Stubbs: I have nothing about books! I am curious about the books in your trunk. Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You see, I was thinking of writing my story, so I bought this one on how to do it. Hannah Stubbs: Why do you need 25 copies of it? Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: In case I want to read it more than once...
(25 votes)
3
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: What a day for a mow eh?
(27 votes)
4
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: When did your wife leave? Barney: October. Vince: That's when my wife left! What is it about the month of October? Barney: I dunno. The pressure of Halloween? You never know what to go as!
(26 votes)
5
Hannah Stubbs: And where did you learn to jump start a car? Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I had to learn to jump start ambulances, to get invalids to the dialysis machines.
(26 votes)
6
Clerk at Supermarket: Hello sir, would you like to try a vanilla-bran oat crunchy? Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: What do you think?
(18 votes)
7
[Vinnie palms off a $100 bill to Barney] Barney Coopersmith: You don't tip FBI men! Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Sure you do!
(6 votes)
8
Supermarket Employee: Have a nice day. Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Fuck you!
(4 votes)
9
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You dirty rat! Johnny Bird: Snitch! Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Stool pigeon! Johnny Bird: Informer! Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Squealer! Johnny Bird: You dirty rat! Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I already said you dirty rat! Johnny Bird: Yeah, but I say it better.
10
Billy Sparrow: You dirty rat.
11
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you're dead.
12
[last lines] Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You know, sometimes I even amaze myself.
13
[Barney tells a joke. Everyone laughs, except Hannah] Hannah Stubbs: I see that it's funny. I have a sense of humor. Barney: Of course you have a sense of humor. Everyone thinks they do, even people who don't.
14
Linda: Hello, I'd like a cab to pick me up at... what the frig is the address here? Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: How should I know? Number 1 Appy Street!
15
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: It's not tipping I believe in. It's overtipping.
16
Barney: It's gonna be a lot easier if you two start calling each other Terry and Todd. Linda: It's a nice house, Terry, okay? Barney: No, you're Terry, he's Todd.
17
Barney: The Padres play the Mets every so often, though you folks would probably be Yankees fans. It's been my experience that most organized crime people are. Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I love the Yankees, Linda loves the Yankees, so does Terry. Linda: Who's Terry? Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You are.
18
[Supervising his Mafia friends laying down sod for a baseball field] Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Green side up, fellas! Green side up!
19
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.
20
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I am the worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson's dream.
21
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I thought you were dead. Billy Sparrow: That was the general idea.
22
Hannah Stubbs: Your honor, are we to believe that this man is in danger? That some cartoon character men in black suits with white on white ties armed with guns are going to walk through that door as we... Crystal: As she sees two men enter the court, in black suits with white on white ties pulling out guns DUCK!
23
Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: while trying to strong arm Mrs. Stubb's to let him off the hook How's the turtle Mrs. Stubbs? Did your kids ever figure out you switched turtles on them because I know it would be a major disappointment for the to find out
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