Production Companies De Laurentiis Entertainment Group (DEG), De Laurentiis Film Partners, Interscope Communications, Nelson Entertainment (presents), Soisson/Murphey Productions (in association with)
Studio Interscope Communications, Nelson Entertainment, Orion, Soisson-Murphey Productions
Other Titles • Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989) • Bill & Ted's verrückte Reise durch die Zeit (1989) • Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure • Dudes • The Adventures of Bill and Ted • more
Quotes from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
1
Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269. Ted: Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian... Ted, Bill: ...MR. GENGHIS KHAN! [All the students applaud wildly for Khan] Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.
(16 votes)
2
Bill: You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
(16 votes)
3
Before meeting Socrates' Bill and Ted read up on his philosophy, " 'The only true wisdom consists of knowing that you know nothing.' That's us dude." "Oh. Yeah." -- Bill to Ted (Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves, respectively)
(15 votes)
4
[Delivering a history report] Ox: Everything is different, but the same... things are more moderner than before... bigger, and yet smaller... it's computers... San Dimas High School football rules.
(15 votes)
5
[Bill and Ted are working on their history report] Bill: OK Ted, George Washington. One: the father of our country. Ted: Two: born on President's Day. Bill: Three: the dollar bill guy. Ted: Bill, did you ever made a mushroom out of his head? Bill: Ted? Ted: What? Bill: Alaska. Ted: OK. Um... [thinks for a moment] Ted: Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick. Bill: That's Captain Ahab, dude.
(15 votes)
6
[an early morning jam] Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire! Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan! Bill, Ted: And we are... WYLD STALLYNS!
7
Mr. Ryan: It seems to me the only thing you've learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
8
Missy: Hi, Bill. Want a ride? Bill: Sure, Missy. [She draws a blank stare at Bill] Bill: I mean, mom. [She smiles and puts on her Ray-Bans] Ted: [Whispering to Bill] Your stepmom is cute. Bill: Shut up, Ted. Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen? Bill: Shut up, Ted!
9
[Bill thought Ted was killed] Bill: Whoa! Ted! You're alive! Ted: Yeah! I fell out of my suit when I hit the floor. [they hug] Bill, Ted: [to each other] Fag!
10
Bill: Be excellent to each other. Ted: Party on, dudes.
11
One Of The Three Most Important People in the World: It's you! Ted: Yeah! It's us! [to Bill] Ted: Who are we? Ted, Bill: [They see themselves playing air guitar, so they start playing slowly. More people come out and join] Ted: I think they want us to say something. Bill: Like what? Ted: I don't know. Just say something. Bill: What should I say? Ted: Make something up. Bill: [stammers, and then says nervously] Be excellent to each other. All Three Most Important People in the World: [laugh] Ted: Party on, dudes! All Three Most Important People in the World: [laugh a bit harder] Bill: Well, we gotta get back to our report. Ted: Yeah, [to black guy] Ted: we'd take you with us. But it's a history report, not a future report Bill: Later. All Three Most Important People in the World: Later.
12
Bill: Whoa, three aces! Bearded Cowboy: What the hell's going on here, Billy? Old West Ugly Dude: Are you a-cheatin' us kid? Billy the Kid: [sweating] Cheating? Me? [leaps up/flips table over screaming] Billy the Kid: Aah!
13
[after seeing the Princesses Joanna and Elizabeth] Ted: Bill? Bill: What? Ted: I'm in love, dude. Bill: Come on, this is a history report, not a babe report. Ted: But, Bill, those are historical babes. Bill: Okay, you're the ladies' man. How we gonna meet 'em?
14
Ted: [to Socrates] All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
15
Billy the Kid: Not bad, eh, Socrates? Where are we, dude? Bill: England, 15th century. Ted: We are in most excellent shape for our report. Bill: Yeah, all we need is one more speaker from medieval. Billy the Kid: Excellent. Bill: Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease.
16
Mr. Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc? Ted: Noah's wife?
17
Ted: Now your dad's actually going for it in your room. Bill: Shut up, Ted. Ted: Your step-mom is cute, though. Bill: Shut up, Ted! Ted: Remember when I asked her to the prom? Bill: [shouts] Shut up, Ted!
18
Bill, Ted: Excellent.
19
Bill: Ted, while I agree that, in time, our band will be most triumphant. The truth is, Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar. Ted: Yes, Bill. But, I do not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant video. Bill: Ted, it's pointless to have a triumphant video before we even have decent instruments. Ted: Well, how can we have decent instruments when we don't really even know how to play? Bill: That is why we NEED Eddie Van Halen! Ted: And THAT is why we need a triumphant video. Bill, Ted: EXCELLENT! [air guitar, the clock chimes 8:00 am] Bill: Uh oh, we're late! Ted: For what? Bill: For school, dude! Ted: Oh yeah.
20
[Bill and Ted see they are about go into a loop in the Circuits of Time] Ted: What's that? Bill: I don't know. Ted, Bill: [both screaming] Oh, shit!
21
[arriving at the White House in 1863] Billy the Kid: Candygram! Abraham Lincoln: Yes, what can I... [Genghis Kahn grabs and pulls him into the phone booth]
22
[seeing Missy as they arrive back in Bill's yard] Billy the Kid: Whoa, who's the senorita? She's cute. Ted: It's his mom, dude.
23
Sigmund Freud: Hello. I'm Dr. Freud, but you may call me Siggy.
24
Genghis Khan, Billy the Kid: Bogus!
25
Ted: [they are about to be executed in medieval times] Bill? Bill: What? Ted: I believe our adventures in time have taken a most serious turn.
26
Bill: [sneaking around in the police station] Look, we left ourselves a note! Ted: Whoah, that was nice of us!
27
Evil Duke: Put them in the iron maiden. Ted: Iron Maiden? Bill, Ted: Excellent! [air guitar] Evil Duke: Execute them. Bill, Ted: Bogus!
28
Ted: Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.
29
[Bill and Ted meet themselves] Ted: OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of? Bill, Ted: 69, dudes. Bill, Ted: Whoa. [quadruple air guitar solo]
30
Ted: Dude, are you sure we should be doing this? Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy... Ted: What if we were lying? Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?
31
[just before time-traveling for the first time] Rufus: [putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... we're history.
32
Bill: Socrates - "The only true wisdom consists of knowing you know nothing". Ted: That's us, dude.
33
[Bill and Ted have met themselves again] Bill, Ted: Catch you later, Bill and Ted. Bill: That conversation made more sense this time.
34
Police Psychiatrist: I don't know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud. Sigmund Freud: Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud? Police Psychiatrist: Why do you keep asking me these questions? Sigmund Freud: Tell me about your mother.
35
Ted: Dude, it's Sigmund Frood. How much time we got left? Ted: Tons. Why? Bill: Extra credit, dude. Ted: [to Freud] How's it goin', Frood-dude?
36
[as Genghis Khan shows off, Ted narrates] Ted: As you can see, Genghis greatly enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush.
37
Abraham Lincoln: Fourscore and... [looks at his pocketwatch] Abraham Lincoln: seven minutes ago... we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure concieved by our new friends, Bill... and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to proposition which was true in my time, just as it's true today. Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!
38
[last lines] Rufus: They do get better.
39
[Captain Logan is questioning Abraham Lincoln] Capt. Logan: All right, what's your name? Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln. That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N. Capt. Logan: I know how to spell Lincoln. What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln? Abraham Lincoln: February 12... 1809.
40
Ted: RUFUS. Bill: Listen to this dude Rufus, he knows what he's talking about.
41
Socrates: [In Greek] Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.
42
Billy the Kid: Here's the deal. What I win, I keep. What you win... I keep. Bill, Ted: Sounds good, Mr. The Kid.
43
[Bill & Ted have just landed the booth in Bill's yard] Ted: [to Missy] Uh, Ms. Preston. We'd like you to meet some of our... friends. Bill: Yeah. This is Dave Beeth Oven. [Beethoven kisses Missy's hand. She laughs] Bill: And, uh, Maxine of Arc, Missy. Herman the Kid. Ted: Bob "Genghis" Khan. So-crates Johnson. Dennis Frood. And uh, uh... Abraham Lincoln.
44
Bill: How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
45
Bill: Dude, you've gotta have a poker face like me. [Ted stops grinning at his cards, Bill looks at his own cards] Bill: Whoa. Three aces.
46
Bill: You ditched Napoleon. Ted: Deacon, do you realize you have just stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas. Deacon: He was a dick.
47
Bill: Who are you guys? Future Ted: We're you, dude. Ted: No way. No... way. Future Ted: Yes way.
48
Bill: Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance around here?
49
Ted: [Both get served beers in a saloon bar] Whoa. He didn't even card us, dude. Bill: Yeah, we'll have to remember this place.
50
[in Ancient Greece] Bill: Socrates. Hey, we know that name! Ted: Hey, [hands Bill the book] Ted: look him up. Oh, it's under So-crates.
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