The Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
2
The Joker: I've been dead once already; it's very liberating. You might think of it as... therapy.
3
Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit! The Joker: I've been dead once already, its very liberating. You should think of it as therapy. Grissom: Jack, maybe we can cut a deal. The Joker: Jack? The Joker: Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me Joker and as you can see I'm a lot happier.
4
The Joker: I recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia... [lays the mask that Alicia wore on the table] The Joker: ... threw herself out the window. Vicki Vale: Oh, my God... The Joker: But, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. [breaks the mask and starts giggling]
5
The Joker: I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.
6
Joker: Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!
7
Alfred Pennyworth: I have little desire to spend my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.
8
Knox: You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say... Eckhardt: And I say... you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.
9
Jack Napier: Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier someplace else. Alicia: Pretty tough talk about Carl. Jack Napier: Don't worry about it. If this clown could touch Grissom, I'd have handed him his lungs by now. Alicia: If Grissom knew about us, he might hand you something. Jack Napier: Don't flatter yourself, angel. He's a tired old man. He can't run this city without me. And besides, he doesn't know.
10
Vicki Vale: You're insane! Joker: I thought I was a Pisces!
11
The Joker: Where does he get those wonderful toys?
12
The Joker: [reciting his poem to Vicki] I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.
13
The Joker: Bruce... Wayne, n'est-ce pas? Bruce Wayne: Most of the time.
14
[Batman dangles a mugger over the side of a building] Nic: Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man! Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man! Batman: I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me. Nic: What are you? Batman: I'm Batman.
15
Bruce Wayne: [as Vicki Vale walks out of hearing towards front door after door bell rings] I'm Batman, I'm Batman
16
The Joker: The pen, is truly mightier than the sword!
17
Dist. Atty. Harvey Dent: We received a letter from Batman. 'Citizens of Gotham. Gotham City has earned a rest from crime. But should the forces of evil rise again to cast a shadow on the heart of the city, call me.' Alexander Knox: Question. How do we call him? Commissioner Jim Gordon: He gave us a signal. [Commissioner Gordon activates the Bat Signal]
18
Vicki Vale: Mr. Joker, you make such beautiful things, ohh, you're so powerful, and PURPLE ohh I love purple. Batman: Excuse me. [Joker looks] Batman: Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light? [Punches him] Batman: I'm going to kill you! The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember, you dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try. Batman: I know you did. [Punches him]
19
The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
20
The Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.
21
The Joker: Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.
22
[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time] Jack Napier: Nice outfit!
23
[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him] Joker: Oh, I got a live one here!
24
Vicki Vale: I've just got to know. Are we gonna try and love each other? Bruce Wayne: I'd like to. But he's out there right now. And I've got to go to work.
25
[the Joker sees a picture of Vicki Vale] Jack Napier: Stop the press, who is that?
26
Vicki Vale: Some people think you're as dangerous as the Joker. Batman: He's psychotic. Vicki Vale: Some people say the same about you. Batman: What people? Vicki Vale: Well, face it. You're not exactly normal, are you? Batman: This isn't exactly a normal world, is it?
27
The Joker: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.
28
Batman: You killed my parents. The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about? Batman: I made you, you made me first. The Joker: Give me a break. I was a kid when I killed your parents. When I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." How childish can you get?
29
Batman: I'm going to kill you! The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember, you dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try.
30
The Joker: And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!
31
Vicki Vale: What do you want? The Joker: My face on the one dollar bill. Vicki Vale: You must be joking. The Joker: Do I look like I'm joking?
32
[Last lines] Alfred Pennyworth: I thought champagne would be in order, ma'am. Vicki Vale: Hi, Alfred. Alfred Pennyworth: Mr. Wayne told me to tell you that he might be a little late. Vicki Vale: I'm not a bit surprised.
33
The Joker: New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex.
34
[Jack is primping in front of a mirror] Alicia: You look fine. Jack Napier: I didn't ask.
35
[the Joker reveals himself for the first time] The Joker: Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier!
36
The Joker: My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons! Why didn't anyone tell me he had one of those... things? Bob, gun. [Bob hands him a gun, Joker shoots him]
37
The Joker: Bob... gun. [Bob takes gun out of his jacket and hands it to the Joker; Joker shoots Bob in the chest]
38
The Joker: Joker here. Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true, under that fiend Boss Grissom. He was a thief, and a terrorist. One the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge. Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a *killer*. I am an artist. I *love* a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival!
39
[the Batwing is flying at Joker] The Joker: Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch! Come to me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Come on!
40
The Joker: Darling, I've got to get you to the church on time.
41
The Joker: [fuming] Batman... Batman... Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a *bat* gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!
42
Commissioner Jim Gordon: This is Commissioner Gordon! I want him taken alive! I repeat: Any man who opens fire on Jack Napier will answer to me!
43
[the Joker reads the newspaper] The Joker: "Winged freak terrorizes"? Wait'll they get a load of ME!
44
The Joker: Who's this loss? Bob the Goon: This is Knox, the reporter. The Joker: Bad tie.
45
The Joker: You set me up over a woman, a WOMAN! You must be insane...
46
Batman: You weighed a little more than a hundred and eight. Vicki Vale: Oh really! Batman: Let's go.
47
Vicki Vale: I'm reading your stuff. Alexander Knox: Well, I'm reading yours. Vicki Vale: Hi! I'm Vicki Vale.
48
Jack Napier: So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.
49
Joker: I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
50
Jack Napier: Why, Eckhardt, you ought to think about the future. Eckhardt: Oh, you mean when you run this show? You ain't got no future, Jack! You're an A-1 nut boy. Grissom knows it! [Jack pushes Eckhardt against the wall, and Eckhardt whips out his gun. Bob steps up from behind Jack with his gun pointed at Eckhardt] Jack Napier: Better be sure. [Eckhardt's nerve gives out and he lowers his gun] Jack Napier: See? You can make a good decision when you try. [he chuckles as he and Bob walk away]
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