Christian: God I hate the snow. Elder Aaron Davis: What are you doing here? Christian: I came after you. How could you just leave without saying anything. Elder Aaron Davis: It's not my choice, I am being sent home in shame. And I'm probably going to be excommunicated. Christian: For a kiss? I mean it was a very nice kiss, but come on. We didn't even get to use our tongues. Elder Aaron Davis: You wouldn't understand. Christian: I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this. See, I've never made a fool out of myself in front of anyone before. But I've never felt this way before about anyone in my entire life. Elder Aaron Davis: What for just some guy you can't have. And next week you'll be on to your next conquest? Christian: But what if you're not? Huh? What if everything in my entire pathetic life, which I happen to love, has led to this point? Right here, right now. What if you're the blinding light in the middle of the road that strikes me like that guy, the guy in... Elder Aaron Davis: The Bible? Christian: Yeah. Elder Aaron Davis: Paul. Christian: Yeah. And what if everything has changed like that... and lions lay down with lambs and colors mix with whites. What if you're the one that I've been waiting for my whole life and I let you go? Elder Aaron Davis: You have no idea what I'd be giving up. Christian: Damn it! What is wrong with you? You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpting down from heaven? But what if this is it instead? Me, telling you I love you, right here, in the snow? I think that is pretty miraculous. But if you don't... I'll go. I'll walk and you can pretend that this was just some coincidence. You can pretend there wasn't some reason that we met, and that you're sorry I ever walked into you life. [Christian walk to the door, but it won't open] Christian: God, I hate the snow. [Aaron grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss]
(34 votes)
2
Ryder: God hates homos. Christian Markelli: You're gonna come into my home and tell me God hates homosexuals? Elder Aaron Davis: And the French. Ryder: [puzzled] God hates the French? Elder Aaron Davis: Everyone hates the French.
(31 votes)
3
[after having sex with Christian] Elder Aaron Davis: Well, I'm already going to Hell for kissing you, so I may as well take the scenic route.
(31 votes)
4
Lila: [to some confused costomers about Aaron and Christian embrace] He's a great tipper. [they nod their head in understandment]
(28 votes)
5
[final voiceover monologue] Elder Aaron Davis: Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots. But more and more these days, I feel like we're all connected. And it's beautiful... and funny... and good.
(27 votes)
6
Elder Aaron Davis: [about him being gay] What if it's not something I've done? What if it's who I am? Sister Gladys Davis: [slaps him] Don't say that! Don't you ever even think like that! [they both start crying]
(9 votes)
7
Christian: You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven. What if this is it instead? Me telling you I love you, right here in the snow? I think that is pretty miraculous.
(7 votes)
8
Elder Aaron Davis: Do you ever read the Sunday comics? Lila: [confused] I beg your pardon? [changes her mind] Lila: Yes, of course the Sunday comics. Elder Aaron Davis: Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all conncected, and it's beaitiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now.
(5 votes)
9
Elder Aaron Davis: I didn't come to unload on you. Lila: You gave me the opportunity once. Let me return the favor. Elder Aaron Davis: All right after we met, I was sent home and excommunicated from my church... for being gay. Lila: Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals. Hmm... Well, I definitely won't be joining. Can't imagine heaven without both.
(4 votes)
10
Christian: [about them having sex] It's ok, this doesn't have to mean anything. Elder Aaron Davis: Yes it does. Christian: Shh... It could be just a little fun between friends. Elder Aaron Davis: My first time could be just a little fun for you? Christian: No don't get all... Elder Aaron Davis: All what? Maybe you equate sex with a handshake and that's what? Like a badge? What do you want me to congratulate you? Christian: Hey, don't you preach to me, ok? Who are you, some kid from the sticks? You come in here and think you can fucking judge me? Elder Aaron Davis: Oh yeah, I'm just some doodah pudknocker from Pocatello. They ship us here from Dork Island. Christian: What? Elder Aaron Davis: I'm saying I know how retarded you think I am, ok? You found me out, all right? My worst secret. I'm humiliated now, so... your work is done here. Christian: Wait, I don't think you're a dork. It's just your religion makes you act like one. Elder Aaron Davis: Don't you believe in anything? Christian: Yeah of course I do. Elder Aaron Davis: Then tell me! You tell me one thing in your life, one thing without a shadow of a doubt that you really and truly believe. Christian: I believe... I firmly believe that Ann Margret has never been given her due as an actress. Elder Aaron Davis: Duh, for Tommy alone and did you see her when she played... [catching himself] Elder Aaron Davis: But is that anything you can build a life on? Look at yourself. You're so pretty and colorful on the outside, but inside you're nothing but fluff. You're like a walking, talking marshmallow Peep! Christian: Hey... that not fair. Elder Aaron Davis: When it's true, it doesn't matter. I can't believe what I was about to do, when there is nothing, Christian, nothing about you that's not skin-deep. [Aaron leaves]
(4 votes)
11
Keith Griffin: Just where do you think you're going with my goddamn flowers? Christian: But they're... Keith Griffin: We don't throw anything out that's not completely dead. Deal? Christian: Deal. Keith Griffin: And another thing, you got to quit coming over here and moping around. You're fucking depressing me. Christian: I'm depressing you? Keith Griffin: That what I'm saying, and if we've reached the point that you're dragging on my day, we've got a problem. Seriously, you got to do something. You have to make a move, find a way to get past this. Christian: What, are you being the oracle guy again? Keith Griffin: No, I'm just being a friend.
(3 votes)
12
Elder Aaron Davis: Look, whatever you thought, don't. We're colors and whites. We don't mix.
(2 votes)
13
[on the phone with Julie] Christian: Where did we end up last night? Julie: I don't know, but I woke up without my bra. That's never a good sign. [notices he's wearing it] Christian: I wouldn't worry about it.
(2 votes)
14
[reading a tabloid] Christian Markelli: Oh, my... say it isn't so. Keith Griffin: What? Christian Markelli: Well, apparently, poor Pam Anderson has had her breast implants taken out and put back in so many times that her entire chest is collapsing. [squealing] Christian Markelli: They have bikini pictures! They're horrible! Keith Griffin: Shut up. Christian Markelli: No, they are - seriously. They're down to her knees. Eat your chicken and I'll show you. Keith Griffin: Prick. [does as he's asked] Keith Griffin: Ok, gimme the fucking magazine.
(2 votes)
15
[joking around with Christian] Elder Aaron Davis: Dude, you're way too easy. Christian Markelli: [seductively] So I've been told.
(2 votes)
16
Sister Gladys Davis: His name was Christian, wasn't it? Elder Aaron Davis: What? Sister Gladys Davis: Was Christian the one? [a big smile appears on Aaron's face] Sister Gladys Davis: What did he do to you? Elder Aaron Davis: He... He loved me.
(4 votes)
17
Elder Aaron Davis: Mom. Sister Gladys Davis: Uh-huh. Elder Aaron Davis: Mom! Sister Gladys Davis: What, Aaron what? Elder Aaron Davis: Nothing. I just wanted to see if you could bring yourself to look at me. Sister Gladys Davis: I'm looking at you, Aaron. What am I supposed to be seeing? Elder Aaron Davis: Nothing. [he walks away]
(2 votes)
18
Lila: Christian? Christian: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just that... Lila: Sit [he does as she pours them both a drink of brandy] Lila: Drink. [he takes a small sip] Lila: Toss it, that way it's medicinal. [he does so, she refills the glasses] Lila: One more - doctors orders. [they both toss their drinks] Lila: Good, its's vital for a man to have a couple of slugs in him when discussing heartache. I think Hemingway told me that. Christian: You knew Ernest Hemingway? Lila: Margaux, actually. You know, Christian? Beautoes don't always escape tragedy. Christian: Oh, God. This... this is hell. I've done something horrible. I'm guilty, and I'm going to burn for it. Lila: Funny thing about guilt. There nothing so bad that you can't add a little guilt to it and make it better. Christian: But I... Lila: Hush, child. You're not going to burn. Christian: No? Lila: No. Guilt distracts us from a greater truth - that we have an inherent ability to heal. We seem intent on living through even the worst heartbreak. Christian: How? Lila: Practice, [she pours him another drink] Lila: and one more for practice. [she raises her glass] Lila: Remember, that which doesn't kill us - [she pauses] Lila: sometimes leaves us maimed for life. But the only way to find out is to face it head-on.
(2 votes)
19
Julie Taylor: Why don't we play two-on-two? Ryder: But you're... Julie Taylor: A girl? So I can't play. But then again, I am black, so maybe I can. You're problem's gonna be deciding which one of your narrow-minded stereotypes is gonna kick your lily-white ass. Ryder: Yeah, right. Julie Taylor: Afraid you'll get beat? Christian Markelli: By a girl and a fag?
20
[playing basketball] Elder Aaron Davis: You can play. Christian Markelli: That's just one of my skills. I played in high school... found out all the hot jocks were doing it, but only with other jocks.
21
Lila: I don't believe in coincidence. These days, I believe in miracles.
22
[chastising a major actress] Traci Levine: Thank God. She's finally leaving. Andrew: Can you believe Entertainment Weekly called her "the new sweetheart of American cinema?" Traci Levine: That cunt? She made Julie take my table because she thought I hadn't bathed recently - like she should talk. Did you see the way she eats? Andrew: Yeah. Did you check out her legs? Now I know why they call 'em calves. Christian Markelli: I bet after sex, she smokes a ham. [Lila appears] Lila Montagne: Andrew, darling, a glass of that cuvée. And people, I do hope we're not speaking disparagingly about our clientele. Gossip is so ignoble, especially regarding those less fortunate. Traci Levine: Less fortunate, that bitch? Andrew: You know something. Come on, tell! Lila Montagne: Please, no. I would never tell tales such as... well, with the frequency she does it, the poor child must think that binging and purging are aerobic exercises. Christian Markelli: No way! She hardly looks bulimic! Lila Montagne: Yes. Well, if I were a different sort, I'd suggest more of the purging and a little less of the binging.
23
Lila Montagne: A toast, an affirmation, a prayer of thanks. I want you to know that, wherever we find ourselves in this world, whatever our successes or failures, come this time of year, you will always have a place at my table. And a place in my heart.
24
[after receiving a "special favor" from Christian] Quinn: You're not worried about Elizabeth coming in? Christian Markelli: Elizabeth? My roommate's Julie. Quinn: I'm here for a date with Elizabeth. Christian Markelli: Elizabeth lives in 243D, as in "down the walk". This is 243B... as in "blow job". You're not St8Curious from AOL? Quinn: No. Christian Markelli: [laughing] Not again.
(2 votes)
25
Lila: [talking to her employee who are slacking off] I hear Disney is opening a Fantasia restaurant, in which the plates fly themselves to the table. Until then, what to do?
26
Christian: If there's a problem, maybe I can come back later... Elder Aaron Davis: Maybe I'm just homesick ok? Christian: Homesick? For Idaho? Elder Aaron Davis: Ok, fine. Christian: Sorry that came out wrong. You know, it's just... well, when I left home, zoom, like a rocket. But if... You've never been away from home before, have you? Elder Aaron Davis: What? No - I've been away from home, just not for two whole years. Christian: [in an English accent] 'Could be worse, could be rainin.' Elder Aaron Davis: Hey, I know what that's from. That's from Young Frankenstein. 'Why thank you, doctor.' Christian: So, two years, huh? Elder Aaron Davis: Yeah, I know sounds crazy, doesn't it? We're not allowed to call or go home for holidays. They can't visit. Christian: Wow. Where do I sign up? Elder Aaron Davis: Hey, I happen to like my family... 'After all, a boy's best friend is his mother.' Christian: [confused for awhile then gets it] Wait! Uh that from Psycho, right? 'She just goes a bit mad sometimes. We all go a bit mad sometimes.' [Aaron laughs] Christian: Hey, it can't be that bad, at least you have your friends here, right? Elder Aaron Davis: Who? Ryder? Nah, I barely even know the guy. We just got assigned to each other a couple of weeks ago. Christian: Oh. Well better you than me.
27
Sister Gladys Davis: [about Christian] He won your soul for a lousy $50.
28
Andrew: Hey, there, beauty queen. Pay attention to the task at hand, ok? I don't have all day to go over this stuff. Christian: Hey, I got up at 5:30 to be here on time - cut me some slack, will you? Andrew: Look, quit bitching. It's the early bird that catches the worm. Christian: Ok, now, there's an incentive. Who cares about a worm when you can get pizza till 3? Andrew: Ok, here's the deal. I'm gonna take you around to see a few more things. Once we finish up your training, there'll be a half-hour of cutting and chopping, then we'll set you up with a route. Christian: A route? On my first day? Andrew: Come on, you're delivering food. It's what you do already - only this time you're driving. Think of yourself as a waiter on wheels. Christian: Great. If I were in hot pants and rollar skates, this would be the fulfillment of a dream. Andrew: [looks Christian up and down] For all of us.
29
Elder Farron Davis: This isn't easy for me Aaron. But in light of your abnormal and abominable state, and your refusal to see that you've been duped into some hogwash alternative lifestyle. I wish my shame was enough for the both of us. Not to mention the shame you've brought to our church, our family, our ancestors... Elder Aaron Davis: Wait a mintue, our ancestors? Dad, your grandfather had at least a half dozen wives, and that goes for every single person in this room. I've say were the original definition of 'alternative lifestyle.' Elder Farron Davis: Are you calling us hypocrites? Elder Aaron Davis: Oh no, we've gone way beyond hyocrisy, Dad; now, we're just being mean.
30
Julie: We're shirts. You're skins. Elder Aaron Davis: [pulls down the hem of his shirt blushing] Uh... no. Christian: Fine, we'll be skins. [both him and Juile take off their shirts] Ryder: [looking at Juile's chest] Whoa! [walks into the basketball pole] Ryder: Ow!
31
Elder Aaron Davis: [taking care of Christian's cut] This is going to sting a little. Funny, I'm not squeamish. In high school we went to this hospital. I was the only kid who wanted to watch the surgery. So they help me scrub down, and then they gave me a set of scrubs - you know, those green things? To put on and everything... got a Band-Aid? [Christian hands him some] Elder Aaron Davis: So anyway, I got to watch as they opened this guy's chest. And there it was, this human heart, you know? This human heart. You think about it beating and all, but it's more of a dance. And I couldn't get over that that's all that tethers us to this planet - this one fragile muscle. And how it's so tiny, really, in the big scheme of things. And when you think about all the things that can stop it... Well you just figure that there's got to be something else, something miraculous that keeps that valiant little muscle dancing.
32
Keith Griffin: Oh it's back. Christian: Yeah, it's back. This may be your fuckin' day. Keith Griffin: Or maybe I'm just not suffering enough yet. I didn't expect to see you again. Christian: Oh come on, you don't think you're gonna go all 'Miss Cleo the Psychic' on my ass is going to scare me off that easy - now do you? Keith Griffin: Maybe it was just demantia setting in. Sometimes I read people and I think I'm the oracle of Delphi. Christian: Yeah? Well, sometimes I growl at people, but that doesn't make me Eartha Kitt. I'm just going to put this... right about... here. Keith Griffin: It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry. Christian: I don't remember asking you if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this, and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends. So the least you could do is try to be polite, and eat it. Keith Griffin: I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've... I've earned that right. Christian: Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunatley, I'm shallow, so I'm impervious to that, now eat it. Keith Griffin: Impervious? Bet you don't even know how to spell that. Christian: Sure I do, it's spelled: Bite me.
33
Christian Markelli: [after having sex] Wow. How long were we at it? Elder Aaron Davis: [retrieves his pocket watch and looks at the time] Two and a half hours. That's ok, right? Christian Markelli: Ok? That's amazing.
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