Mrs. Carver: So, what are your plans for after the wedding? Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Kill you.
(31 votes)
2
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [praying with ?Tefillin] Barooch atta adonay... I don't know what the hell I'm saying... Mohammed Ali Paula Abdul Rahiem: What you doing? Mordechai Jefferson Carver: I'm prayin' to God we don't kill ourselves gettin' over this wall.
(25 votes)
3
Voice on Intercom: Attention all K-Mart shoppers, there are Jews in Aisle 12.
(21 votes)
4
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Shabbat Shalom, mother fuckers.
(17 votes)
5
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Let's dance the hora. Santa Damien: You're a hora!
(16 votes)
6
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: [talking on the phone] I need you to get in contact with the world-wide Jewish media conspiracy and mass produce every holiday movie that has a Jewish protagonist who is depicted in a positive light. Chief Bloomenbergansteinthal: So you want me to mass produce "Yentl," "Fiddler on the Roof" and Chaim Potok's "The Chosen?" Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Right.
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