Jack: This chick Stephanie, she's got it all goin' on. Miles Raymond: Well, she is cute, yeah. Jack: Cute? She's a fuckin' hottie. And you almost tell her that I'm gettin' married? What's the matter with you?
(45 votes)
2
Jack: [Miles walks in on Jack and Stephanie having sex] Not now! Not now!
(42 votes)
3
Jack: I might be in love with another woman. Miles Raymond: In love? Really? 24 hours with some wine-pourer chick and you're fucking in love? Come on! And you're gonna give up everything? Jack: Here's what I'm thinking: you and me, we move up here, we buy a vineyard. You design the wine; I'll handle the business side. You get inspired, maybe write another novel, one that can sell. Miles Raymond: Oh, my God. No, no. Jack: As for me, if an audition comes up, LA's right there, man. It's two hours away, not even. Miles Raymond: Jesus Christ, you're crazy. You're crazy. You've gone crazy. Jack: All I know is that I'm an actor. All I have is my instinct. You're asking me to go against it.
(44 votes)
4
Miles Raymond: What about you? Maya: What about me? Miles Raymond: I don't know. Why are you into wine? Maya: Oh I... I think I... I originally got in to wine through my ex-husband. Miles Raymond: Ah. Maya: You know, he had this big, sort of show-off cellar, you know. Miles Raymond: Right. Maya: But then I discovered that I had a really sharp palate. Miles Raymond: Uh-huh. Maya: And the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about. Miles Raymond: Like what? Maya: Like what a fraud he was. [Miles laughs softly] Maya: No, I- I like to think about the life of wine. Miles Raymond: Yeah. Maya: How it's a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline. Miles Raymond: Hmm. Maya: And it tastes so fucking good.
(40 votes)
5
Miles Raymond: [while tasting wine] It tastes like the back of a fucking L.A. school bus. Now they probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, and then wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine bullshit. Fuckin' Raid. Jack: Tastes pretty good to me.
(39 votes)
6
Miles Raymond: Did you read the latest draft, by the way? Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Miles Raymond: And? Jack: It's great. I mean there are so many improvements. It's much tighter, just seems... I don't know, more congealed or something. Miles Raymond: Mm-hmm. What about the new ending? Did you like that? Jack: Oh, yeah. New ending vastly superior to the old ending. Miles Raymond: There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same. Jack: [pause] Well... maybe it just seemed new because everything leading up to it was so different? Miles Raymond: [sarcastically] Yeah, that must be it!
(3 votes)
7
Jack: Speak for yourself. I get chicks lookin' at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too. Miles Raymond: Well, it's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free. Jack: You need to get laid, Miles. You know what? That's going to be my best man gift to you this week. I'm gonna get you laid. Miles Raymond: Wonderful. Jack: I'm not gonna get you a gift certificate or a pen knife or any of that other horse shit. Miles Raymond: I'd rather have a knife.
(3 votes)
8
[talking about Maya and walking by a golfer and his son] Jack: Don't you just want to feel that cozy little box grip down on your johnson? Vacationing Dr. Walt Hendricks: Hey, you mind keeping it down, buddy?
(3 votes)
9
Jack: You gotta help me! You gotta help me!
(1 vote)
10
Jack: Did you drink and dial?
11
Jack: Do not drink too much. Do you hear me? I don't want you passing out or going to the dark side. No going to the dark side! Miles Raymond: Okay!
12
Miles Raymond: [to Jack] You fucking derelict.
13
Miles Raymond: Quaffable, but uh... far from transcendent.
14
Miles Raymond: This weekend is not about me. It is about you. I'm gonna show you a good time. We're gonna drink a lot of good wine. We're gonna play some golf. We're gonna eat some great food and enjoy the scenery and we are going to send you off in style, mon frere. Jack: And get your bone smooched.
15
Jack: Are you still seeing that shrink? Miles Raymond: I saw him on Monday. I spent most of the time helping him with his computer. Jack: Well, I say, fuck therapy. And what is that stuff you take... Xanax? Miles Raymond: And Lexapro, yes. Jack: Well, I say, fuck that too. You need to get your joint worked on, Miles.
16
Maya: You know, can I ask you a personal question, Miles? Miles Raymond: Sure. Maya: Why are you so in to Pinot? Miles Raymond: [laughs softly] Maya: I mean, it's like a thing with you. Miles Raymond: [continues laughing softly] Miles Raymond: Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
17
Jack: Bet ya that chick's two tons of fun. You know, the grateful type?
18
Jack: Fucking chick's married, man. Miles Raymond: What? Jack: Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home and catches me on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass. Miles Raymond: Oh, Jesus Christ.
19
Miles Raymond: She tell you she was married? Jack: Yeah. Miles Raymond: So what the fuck were you thinking? Jack: Wasn't supposed to be back 'til six. Fucker rolls in at five.
20
Miles Raymond: Okay, so what's the plan? Jack: Uh... the plan is... you go. Miles Raymond: ME? Jack: 'Cause of my ankle. Still hurts. Just go explain the situation, Miles. Miles Raymond: [laughs uproariously] Miles Raymond: Explain the situation? Yes. 'Excuse me, sir, my friend was the one balling your wife couple of hours ago. Really sorry. He seems to have left his wallet behind. I was wondering if I come in, just poke around, I don't know' Jack: Yeah, yeah, just like that. That's good.
21
Miles Raymond: Well, the world doesn't give a shit what I have to say. I'm not necessary. Had. I'm so insignificant I can't even kill myself. Jack: Miles, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Miles Raymond: Come on, man. You know. Hemingway, Sexton, Plath, Woolf. You can't kill yourself before you're even published. Jack: What about the guy who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? He killed himself before he was published. Look how famous he is. Miles Raymond: Thanks. Jack: Just don't give up, alright? You're gonna make it. Miles Raymond: Half my life is over and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing. I'am thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage. Jack: See? Right there. Just what you just said. That is beautiful. 'A smudge of excrement... surging out to sea.' Miles Raymond: Yeah. Jack: I could never write that. Miles Raymond: Neither could I, actually. I think it's Bukowsky.
22
[after Jack swerves off the road and crashes the car into a tree] Miles Raymond: What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?
23
[introducing Jack and Maya] Miles Raymond: Oh, this is my friend Jack. Jack, Maya. Jack: Hiya.
24
Jack: You don't understand my plight.
25
[first lines] Miles Raymond: Fuck.
26
Jack: I'm trying to get you laid, I'd appreciate a little help!
27
Stephanie: [to Jack as she is beating him with her motorcycle helmet] I hope you die! [stops beating Jack and looks at Miles] Stephanie: You too! Miles Raymond: Me?
28
Jack: [Stephanie pours Jack and Miles full glasses of sample wine] Oh, Stephanie, you bad girl. Stephanie: I know, I need to be spanked.
29
Cammi: And here are your handy wipes. Jack: Oh, so that's what these are. For a minute there I thought you guys were promoting safe sex.
30
Miles Raymond: A little citrus. Maybe some strawberry. Mmm. Passion fruit, mmm, and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupçon of like, uh, asparagus, and, there's a, just a flutter of, like a, like a nutty Edam cheese.
31
Miles Raymond: [after teaching Jack how to evaluating a glass of wine prior to tasting] ...Are you chewing gum?
32
Miles Raymond: Why didn't I get hurt? Jack: You were wearing your seatbelt.
33
Stephanie: You're getting married?
34
Miles Raymond: Now the cards are on the table. Jack: Yes, they are.
35
Jack: Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole!
36
Jack: Try to be your normal, humorous self. The guy you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy.
37
Miles Raymond: Hey, what should I wear? Jack: I don't know, something casual but nice. They think you're a writer.
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