Other Titles • Meet the Fockers (2004) • Meet the Fokkers • Meet the Parents 2
Quotes from Meet the Fockers (2004)
1
Greg Focker: [high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes. Pam Byrnes: Love you, baby! [blows kiss] Greg Focker: [drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry you're perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'm looking, and I'm LIKIN... [Spies Jorge] Greg Focker: In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabelle. Pam Byrnes: Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down. Greg Focker: No no no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest. Pam Byrnes: Please... sit. Greg Focker: We conceived a child. Come on up here, Jorge! This is the fruit of my loins. Come on - search your heart, you know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack - Pam's pregnant. Focker out. [passes out]
(62 votes)
2
[repeated line] Little Jack: Ass-'ole
(59 votes)
3
Local Cop: He's got a rubber boobie!
(57 votes)
4
Jack Byrnes: Okay we can play 3 on 2, but we'll need someone to be official quarterback. Bernie Focker: Gay goes both ways. Jack Byrnes: Oh, I'll bet he does.
(43 votes)
5
[the Fockers' outgoing message] Bernie Focker: Hello, you've reached the Fockers. We're not around, so leave us a message. Goodbye. Roz, how the hell do you shut this thing off? Roz Focker: I have no idea. Just press a button. Bernie Focker: All right, I'm pretty sure it's off. Honey, you want a chimichanga? Roz Focker: I thought they give you gas. Bernie Focker: A little bit, but it's worth it. Roz Focker: Yeah, worth it for you, but I'm the one that gets the fumes. Bernie Focker: Honey, I'm in the mood for a chimichanga! Roz Focker: So make a chimichang ... [beep]
(39 votes)
6
Greg Focker: Focker, out.
(3 votes)
7
Bernie Focker: If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down... Opps, looks like I forgot my own rule [flushes the toilet]
(2 votes)
8
Judge Ira: Bingo, Bango, Bongo! Roz Focker: The man is loose, he's limber, and he's ready for action.
(2 votes)
9
Bernie Focker: [points to Jack] There's my brother from another mother!
(1 vote)
10
Jack Byrnes: I'm down here... under the bed.
(1 vote)
11
Jack Byrnes: Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is? Greg Focker: Love, friendship... just love, I think. Jack Byrnes: His legacy. Greg Focker: That, too. Jack Byrnes: If your family's circle joins in my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.
12
Bernie Focker: [proposing a touch football game] Dina, you and I will take on Jack and Roz. Come on, Jack, it'll be fun - we'll swap wives.
13
Jack Byrnes: I'm not so sure this wedding is such a good idea. I don't like what I'm seeing from these Fockers.
14
[after the Byrnes' cat flushes the Fockers' dog down the toilet] Roz Focker: Your cat can flush?
15
Bernie Focker: Can you believe I fathered him with just one testicle?
16
Pam Byrnes: No! After next month, I am going to be Pamela Martha Focker. I... I know how that sounds but I don't care!
17
Greg Focker: You meet some of the... eh... some of the cousins? Jack Byrnes: I met some, yes. I met some... Dom? Greg Focker: Yeah, Dom Focker, that's my dad's... uh... first cousin. You meet his kids, Randy and Orny?
18
[Bernie is laying under the RV to prevent Jack from leaving] Jack Byrnes: Bernie, get out from under the car or I will run you over!
19
Bernie Focker: This is capoeira, man. This is some hardcore shit.
20
Isabel: He is a handsome little Focker! Jack Byrnes: He's not a Focker.
21
Jack Byrnes: [about Focker Isle] We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.
22
Greg Focker: Hey, Dad, you shouldn't take Moses into the RV. Jack and Dina have a cat. Bernie Focker: Oh, Moses is fine. He's perfectly trained. Greg Focker: Dad, he humps everything that moves. Roz Focker: [Laughing] He's like your father! Bernie Focker: I never cheated on you!
23
Roz Focker: I'm wondering why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest!
24
Bernie Focker: You weren't around in the '60's! This is how we got things done!
25
Greg Focker: Look, Little Jack was crying so I picked him up and gave him some hugs. Then I went into the kitchen to answer the phone and when I came back, he had let himself out of the playpen, put on Scarface and glued his hands to the rum bottle. Ok?
26
Dina Byrnes: Sweetheart, do we really have to hurry like this? Jack Byrnes: Oh, yes. We have to pull a little covert operation here. The bandleader says we've got approximately 23 minutes until it's time to cut the cake.
Roz Focker: Yeah, and now it's up to 50 Fockers. Jack Byrnes: 50 Fockers. What could be better?
29
Greg Focker: Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.
30
Roz Focker: Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours? Dina Byrnes: Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful. Roz Focker: Being a florist is stressful? Dina Byrnes: There's more to it than people think.
31
Roz Focker: How's your sex life? Dina Byrnes: I can't tell you that! Roz Focker: I'm a professional. Dina, I'm a sex therapist specializing in senior sexuality. Dina Byrnes: I knew those weren't yoga mats! Roz Focker: No. Dina Byrnes: Well, we're not twenty five... anymore. Roz Focker: But you're not dead either! Lots of couples our age lack intimacy... Dina Byrnes: I didn't say we weren't intimate, there are special occasions. Anniversaries and... well, on our anniversary. Roz Focker: Oy, neesh geete! Dina Byrnes: What? Roz Focker: Not good!
32
Jack Byrnes: [holding up a card of a female nurse, Little Jack laughing] Sorry, Greg. It only comes in one gender.
33
Greg Focker: What's the sign for sour milk, 'cause this tastes a little... funky. Jack Byrnes: That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.
34
Jack Byrnes: [Greg is cursing around Little Jack] I don't want his first word to be a profanity!
35
Bernie Focker: It's not about winning or losing. It's about passion. You know what I mean, Jack. Jack Byrnes: Not really, Bernard. I think personal competitive drive is the essential key that makes America what it is today. Bernie Focker: Well, whatever works.
36
Pam Byrnes: Did you tell your mother that I'm pregnant? Because she keeps touching my stomach and smiling like that. Greg Focker: No, I didn't tell her. She guessed. Pam Byrnes: She what? Greg Focker: Yeah, and then she told my dad. Pam Byrnes: Oh, my God.
37
Bernie Focker: [sitting on the toilet] Howdy, partner! It's nice all of us being here together, isn't it? Jack Byrnes: Bernie, do you mind if I have some privacy? Bernie Focker: Almost done...
38
Bernie Focker: [hitting toilet with fire extinguisher] I gotta save my dog! Jack Byrnes: Forget your dog, what about my toilet?
39
Bernie Focker: Do you want me to be macho wacho? Greg Focker: Dad, have I ever said the words macho wacho to you?
40
Roz Focker: You're avoiding confusion by strapping a boob on a man?
41
Bernie Focker: [after tackling Roz, while playing football] Remember the time in the park? Remember the time in the park?
42
Dina Byrnes: Bernie, this frittata is wonderful, what's in it? Bernie Focker: Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it.
43
Roz Focker: Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer? Dina Byrnes: What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy.
44
Greg Focker: [to Little Jack] What? You don't like me. I don't like your little red outfit. It makes you look like a little demon baby. Maybe I'll get you a little pitchfork for Christmas, so we can put you on a can of Underwood ham. I'm sorry I can't make little poop sounds and I can't make little things that tell people when I want to do things. But I have a sign for you. [sticks up middle finger] Greg Focker: How's that for a sign?
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