Other Titles • Mean Girls (2004) • Untitled 'Queen Bees and Wannabes' Project
Quotes from Mean Girls (2004)
1
Janis: [to the female student body] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... Oh yeah, Cady - you know my friend Cady? She made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash. Janis: [to Regina] Janis: God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big *lesbian* crush on you! Suck on *that*! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!
(58 votes)
2
Coach Carr: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
(53 votes)
3
Damian: [delivering candy canes] Taylor Zimmerman, two for you. Glenn Coco... Four for you, Glenn Coco. You go, Glenn Coco!
(50 votes)
4
Gretchen: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.
(55 votes)
5
Kevin Gnapoor: Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color. Cady: I have to pee.
(36 votes)
6
[Damien is in the Girl's Bathroom] Short Girl: Hey, get out of here. Damian: Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!
(16 votes)
7
Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white? Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
(10 votes)
8
Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year. Damian: She asked me how to spell orange. [Cady snickers] Janis: That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners. Damian: She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels. Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone. Damian: That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets. Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that. Damian: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.
(9 votes)
9
[trying to avoid plans with Regina] Karen: I can't go out. [faux coughs softly] Karen: I'm sick. Regina: Boo, you whore!
(7 votes)
10
[repeated line] Regina: I know, right?
(7 votes)
11
Betsy Heron: Where's Cady? Chip Heron: She went out. Betsy Heron: She's grounded. Chip Heron: [surprised] Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?
(6 votes)
12
Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it? Lea Edwards: It was my mom's in the '80s. Regina: Vintage, so adorable. Lea Edwards: Thanks. Regina: [after girl walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.
(6 votes)
13
Karen: There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!
(6 votes)
14
Gretchen: That is so fetch! Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!
(6 votes)
15
[Gretchen arrives at Karen's house, dressed in a cat suit with cat ears. Karen's in a skimpy short dress] Gretchen: What are you supposed to be? [Points to her headband] Karen: I'm a MOUSE. DUH.
(5 votes)
16
Emma Gerber: Watch where you're going fat-ass!
(7 votes)
17
Cady: And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade. Janis: What does it say about me? Cady: [lying, because the book describes Janis as a dyke] You're not in it. Janis: Those bitches!
(5 votes)
18
Regina: I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!
(5 votes)
19
Kevin Gnapoor: [after cutting into dance] What's up? Janis: Can I help you? Kevin Gnapoor: You Puerto Rican? Janis: Lebanese. Kevin Gnapoor: I feel that.
(4 votes)
20
Jason: Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple! Student: Yeah, that's true dude...
(4 votes)
21
Regina: Get in loser, we're going shopping.
(4 votes)
22
Regina George: She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is? Shane Oman: You're right, hon. Regina George: I like *invented* her, you know what I mean?
(4 votes)
23
Karen: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up? Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.
(4 votes)
24
Mr. Duvall: Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!
(5 votes)
25
[seeing all the girls fighting] Mr. Duvall: I didn't leave the south side for this! [hits fire alarm with a baseball bat]
(3 votes)
26
Regina: I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him. Karen: Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell? Regina: I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD Karen you're so stupid! [Regina leaves, Gretchen follows] Gretchen: Wait, Regina! Talk to me! Regina: No one understands me... Gretchen: I understand you! [Regina & Gretchen's voices fade out] Cady: You're not stupid, Karen. Karen: No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything! Cady: Well... there must be something you're good at. Karen: I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see? Cady: No no no... Anything else? Karen: Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense. Cady: What do you mean? Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain. Cady: Really? That's amazing. Karen: Well... they can tell when it's raining.
(3 votes)
27
Mr. Duvall: Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets? Aaron Samuels: No. Kevin Gnapoor: What are marijuana tablets?
(3 votes)
28
Damian: [reading Cady's class schedule] Health, Spanish... you're taking 12th Grade Calculus? Cady: Yeah, I like math. Damian: Eww. Why? Cady: Because it's the same in every country. Damian: That's beautiful. [to Janis] Damian: This girl is deep.
(4 votes)
29
Karen: Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhoea at Barnes & Nobles. [beat] Karen: And I'm sorry for telling everyone. [beat] Karen: And I'm sorry for repeating it just now.
(2 votes)
30
Cady: [voiceover] I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.
(2 votes)
31
[after learning Cady is home-schooled] Regina: But you're, like, really pretty. Cady: Thank you. Regina: So you agree? Cady: What? Regina: You think you're really pretty? Cady: Oh... I don't know
(2 votes)
32
Janis: Why didn't they just keep home schooling you? Cady: They wanted me to get socialized. Damian: Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you. Cady: What are you talking about? Janis: You're a regulation hottie. Cady: What? Damian: Own it.
(2 votes)
33
Cady: [describing Regina] She's not even that good looking if you really look at her. Janis: I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.
(2 votes)
34
Damian: [escorting Cady down the hall] Watch out please! New meat coming through!
(2 votes)
35
Regina: Cady, do you even know who sings this? Cady: Um... the Spice Girls? Regina: I love her. She's like a Martian!
(2 votes)
36
Gretchen Wieners: And did you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT Prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium. And I never told anyone because... I was *such* a good friend.
(2 votes)
37
Cady: [after seeing Regina in mirror] Regina, wow, you look really beautiful. Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo. Cady: Look, I'm really sorry about the bus. I feel like it's all my fault. Regina: Stopping making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus. Cady: I'm really sorry about all the other stuff too. Regina: Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now. Cady: [Cady smiles] Regina: You know Aaron really does like you. He's always talking about how unusual you are and it really pissed me off. Like this one time, I got this really expensive doll house from Germany, but I never played with it. So my mom wanted to give it to my cousin. But even though I didn't want it... Cady: You begged your mom to let you keep it? Regina: No. I threw it down the stairs. [they giggle] Regina: I didn't want anyone else to have it. But that's just me. Mrs. George: Regina! There about to announce the queen. [sees Cady] Mrs. George: Hello. Regina: Can you believe my f-ing mom is here? Regina: [they giggle] Regina: Bye. [waves]
(3 votes)
38
Mrs. George: [serving the Plastics fruit drinks] Hey, you guys! Happy hour is from four to six! Cady: Um, is there alcohol in this? Mrs. George: Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it in the house.
(2 votes)
39
Joan the Secretary: And finally, the nomanies for 'Spring Fling Queen'! Regina George... [class applauds] Joan the Secretary: Gretchen Weiners. [class applauds and Gretchen responds breathlessly] Joan the Secretary: Janis Ian [class applauds] Regina: [Confused] What is happening to the world? Janis: Damien! [Janis shoves Damien] Damian: I couldn't help myself! Joan the Secretary: And finally, Cady Heron! [class applauds] Cady: Damien? You put me in there to? That's not part of the plan! Damian: I didn't put you in there... Cady: [surprised] You mean I'm really nominated?
(1 vote)
40
Cady: Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.
(2 votes)
41
Regina: Why don't I know you? Cady: I'm new. I just moved here from Africa. Regina: What? Cady: I used to be home-schooled. Regina: Wait... what? Cady: My mom taught me at home... Regina: No, I know what home-school is, I'm not retarded! So you've actually never been to a real school before? Shut up! Shut up! Cady: I didn't say anything.
(1 vote)
42
Cady: [after humiliating Regina] Wait Regina, I didn't mean for this to happen! Regina: To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care! Cady: Wait Regina, just listen! Regina: No! Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you're a homeschooled jungle freak, that's a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don't try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c...
43
Jason: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr! And so did Sun Jin Dinh! Trang Pak: [in Vietnamese] You little slut! Sun Jin Dinh: You're the slut! [both start swearing in Vietnamese]
44
Chip Heron: Hey, how was school? Cady: Fine. Betsy Heron: Were people nice? Cady: No. Chip Heron: Did you make any friends? Cady: Yes.
45
Cady: [about Regina] I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.
46
Karen: [thinks she flashed over] Oh my god, she's so annoying. Gretchen: Who is? Karen: Who's this? Gretchen: Gretchen... Karen: Right... hold on. [Karen flashes over] Karen: Oh my god, she's so annoying.
47
Gretchen: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak is a grotsky, little byotch. Regina: Still true. Gretchen: Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin. Regina: Still half-true. Karen: Amber D'Alessio . She made out with a hot dog. Gretchen: Janis Ian-DYKE. Karen: [pointing to Damien in background of picture] Hey, who is that? Gretchen: I think it's that kid, Damien. Cady: Yeah, he's almost too gay to function. [Karen & Gretchen chuckle] Regina: That's funny, put that in there.
48
[first lines] Chip Heron: This is your lunch, OK? I put a dollar in there so you can buy some milk; you can ask one of the big kids where to do that. Betsy Heron: Do you remember your phone number? I wrote it down for you just in case. Put it in your pocket, I don't want you to lose it. OK? You ready? Cady: I think so.
49
[last lines] Cady: [voiceover] Finally, Girl World was at peace. Damian: Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics. Cady: [voiceover] And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace, well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it. [Imagines Junior Plastics being hit by a bus] Cady: [voiceover] Just kidding.
50
Gretchen: Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.
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