Marty: I'm a man who likes to follow through with his plans.
2
George: [as Marty drinks a beer while driving] Hey, Marty? My mom made me sign one of those contracts, telling her I wouldn't get in a car with a driver who's been drinking... Marty: Oh, it's cool. My mom gave me permission to drink and drive. You don't have to worry about it. George: Your mom must be pretty stupid to let your drive inebriated. Marty: [Rocky scoffs] You're right, George. My mom *is* pretty stupid. In fact she's got one of those learning disability things. George: Must be a pretty bad LD. I have an LD, but I should know you're not suppose to drive drunk.
3
Clyde: If anything, it's a beautiful day. Millie: It smells like cherry blossoms. Millie: How do you know what cherry blossoms smell like? George: I know what they smell like! Rocky: Does anybody really know what a cherry blossom is? George: Duh, it's a blossom on a cherry. Rocky: I don't know. I thought it was a blossom all on it's own. What do you think, Marty? Marty: I think I'm bored as fuck.
4
Marty: Woo. Ah, ya... Nothing beats a good piss in the river. Except of course a good ole romping session of a stupid, ugly, dumb, pathetic piece of shit. Rocky: Yeah, about that - I wanna call it off. Marty: I'm not laughing. Rocky: Dead serious. Marty: You mean to tell me that you get me all juiced up over this, I steal my mother's car and come down here on a Saturday, when I could be at home, watching television? I'm out here on this river with a bunch of munchkins who are sober as hell and bringing me down... and now you tell me that we don't even get to do what we came here for?
5
Jasper: What are the paddles for? Marty: We're going cow-spanking. Kile: What the fuck is cow-spanking? Marty: Well, it's like cow-tipping, except we spank.
6
Jasper: What are the paddles for? Marty: We're going cow spanking. Jasper: Cow spanking? What's that? Marty: It's like cow tipping, only we spank. Jasper: Really. Rocky: Come on let's get this stuff and get out of here. Jasper: While you boys are out cow spanking, Kile and I are gonna go pussy huntin'. Marty: Good for you, Jasper. Kile: [smacks Marty in the head] Hey, don't get sassy with my boy. Jasper: You ever been pussy hunting? [Kile holds a balloon up to Marty's face and squeezes it, so it looks like two pulsating balls] Jasper: I didn't think so. You know how I knew? You got to have bait to catch one.
7
Sam: You know, if we hurt him, we'd be just as bad as him. Rocky: We need to hurt him without really hurting him.
8
George: Whoever didn't bring life jackets on a boat trip is a moron.
9
George: [George takes a bite of the sandwich.] Hmmm. Yum. Did you make these yourself? You'll, you'll have to give me the recipe some time. Clyde: It's peanut butter and jelly.
10
George: [George takes off his shoes and socks, before wadding into the water] Hey, you know I have athletes foot? [puts his foot in Millie's face] Millie: [pushes George's foot away, and runs off] You are so disgusting!
11
George: [shouts] Shut the fuck up, Clyde! You faggot! Fucking skinny butt-munching faggot. I hate you! You know that? I really do! Because all you do is fucking prance around school, talking about your fucking faggoty fairy fathers! I'll tell you what! I don't wanna hear about your fucking fathers and how they're assholes work, alright? It makes me sick, alright, and I fucking hope they fucking die of fucking fag disease! Yeah! [pause] George: And speaking of dead... fathers... I just remembered why bonehead white-trash fucking donkey-dick Marty got so fucking freaked when I started talking about his "daddy". His neanderthal, drunk father put a gun in his mouth and splattered his brains all over the wall. You know, I almost forgot my mom told me that. She said, "His daddy splattered his brains all over the wall." I thought it was sad at first. But now? I like it. "His daddy splattered his brains all over the wall." His daddy splattered his brains all over the wall...
12
Millie: [to Sam] If you could snap your fingers right now and he would drop dead in his tracks, would you do it?
13
Marty: I say we smoke that ham!
14
Rocky: What are you going to do? Marty: I'm gonna drive to Mexico. What do you think? Rocky: I don't know what to think. Marty: Well if you don't know what to think, then you probably shouldn't be making decisions.
15
Sam: I dare you to drop your pants, and your underwear, and show all of us that famous dick of yours for ten seconds. Marty: Okay. Alright, I will show you... because I am proud of my boys. But after this, no one is allowed to wimp out on any of their dares. Now, Millie, cover your eyes. Marty doesn't want to go to jail.
16
Rocky: Everyone else wants to call it off. Marty: Everyone else is a vagina!
17
Marty: That's what you get when you fuck with Martini Blank!
18
George: [beatboxing] Sammy, you love it, now don't you lie!/Rocky is a pimp/Clyde is a fag!
19
Clyde: I don't smoke pot. Marty: That's right - I forgot you were a fag. [Rocky gives him a disapproving look] Marty: I'm sorry, Clyde. You're not a fag. I mean, I like your dads. I never met homosexuals before, but they seem pretty cool.
20
Marty: Hey, you guys ever hear when Rocky and I were kicking out here? We got some poison oak on our hands. Rocky: This is a disgusting story. Marty: Anyway, so we're out here and we got some poison oak on our hands. With all the beers we were drinkin' naturally we had to take a piss. Now I don't know if you're hip, Millie, but when a guy pisses he has to hold his pisser in his hands like so. [Marty turns around to face Millie and uses both hands to hold a huge imaginary penis] Millie: Thanks, Marty. Marty: No, I'm not finished yet. Next morning when we woke up we both had totally chapped rashin' nuts!
21
Marty: You always gotta go with the best idea you've got. Otherwise, you're just left lying around - not knowing what to do.
22
Clyde: [On Marty's proposal to bury the body] We can't do that! It's nuts! Marty: That's nuts? Oh, it's nuts! No, Clyde! Going to prison and getting raped every night for the rest of your life is nuts!
23
George: So, let's see the penis! Bring on the penis!
24
Clyde: [Marty holds a joint in front of Clyde's face] What'd I tell you? Marty: You don't smoke herb? Clyde: Yeah, so get it out of my face. Marty: Faggot. Marty: [Clyde gives disapproving look] Clydo, I'm just fucking with you, your not a faggot, all right? Okay? Fist bump? Fist bump? [Clyde bumps his fist] Marty: All right zero kill. Marty: Besides, I like your dads, Clyde, I never knew any homosexual men personally until I met them, they're not so bad. [in mocking feminine voice] Marty: Don't you think so Rocky?
25
Marty: [pointing a gun at a bottle] Kiss my ass, Mr.Shaham, kiss my ass, Mr. Estes, kiss my ass, Miss Johnson, kiss my ass, Mr. Rosenthal [fires and misses] Marty: Shit. Kile: What are you doing with my shooter, twerp-face? Marty: Target practice Kile: It's 11 a.m. in the morning, for Christ's sake. Marty: Most people are doing cartwheels by 11, Kile. Kile: Aren't you supposed to be in school? Marty: Fuck school, I don't see you in school, and besides... you're not Dad. Kile: Come here... [shouts] Kile: Come here! Kile: [pushes Marty's face to the ground] You're right, I'm not Dad, Dad didn't hit as hard as me, I don't really wanna hear about Dad, understand? You understand? Marty: Yes. Kile: Now hand me my gun you little stupid, if you ever take this without my permission again you'll be sorry, you understand? Marty: Yes. Kile: Get it? Marty: Yes. Marty: [grabs bat and smashes the glass bottle] Kiss my ass, Kile!
26
Millie: We can never be forgiven for what we did.
27
George: My name is George... and this... is the inside of mind. [sighs] George: The inside of my mind has a zillion things, [sighs] George: the inside of my mind has a zillion things about it but... people that don't see inside of my mind don't know there are a zillion things. Y'know, since know one sees inside my mind no one really knows, but... one day people will know. One day people will know 'cause that's my master plan. To film it all. To document every aspect of the life that is me. And put it in a time capsule in my backyard and so that one day some alien or some highly evolved species will find it and... understand.
28
Millie: Oh shit. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Wake up. Wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! God, wake up!
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