Other Titles • The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) • Untitled Wes Anderson Project • The Life Aquatic
Quotes from The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
Klaus Daimler: Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?
[a woman asks a question about the shark Zissou is hunting] Festival Director: [translating] That's an endangered species at best. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it? Steve Zissou: Revenge.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: I need to find a baby for this father. Steve Zissou: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.
Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve. [Steve hits Ned in the face] Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him. Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine. Steve Zissou: Oh, listen, Ned. Don't you try to... [Ned hits Steve in the face] Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.
Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky. Klaus Daimler: [pouting] Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.
Steve Zissou: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.
Steve Zissou: Anne-Marie, do all the interns get Glocks? Anne-Marie Sakowitz: No, they all share one.
Steve Zissou: Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?
Alistair Hennessey: [about the pirates' three-legged dog, who is whining] Uh, what's your dog's name? Steve Zissou: [thinks a moment] Cody. [Alistair rolls up a newspaper, and hits the dog with it] Alistair Hennessey: Be still, Cody.
[Steve bursts to the surface from an underwater dive, shouting hysterically] Klaus Daimler: Steve! Steve Zissou: Vikram, is that thing rolling? Klaus Daimler: Where's Esteban? [Written text of what Steve is shouting rolls onto the screen as he speaks.] Steve Zissou: Encounter with highly abnormal shark-like fish! Ten meters in length! Irregular markings! I tagged it dorsally with a homing dart! [shouts] Steve Zissou: Esteban was eaten! Klaus Daimler: Is he dead? Steve Zissou: Esteban was eaten! Check the scanning monitor before it dives too deep! Klaus Daimler: He was bitten? Steve Zissou: Eaten! Klaus Daimler: [shocked] He was swallowed whole? Steve Zissou: No! *Chewed*! Klaus Daimler: [to the camera] He's got hydrogen psychosis, the crazy-eye! [camera zooms in on Steve's face - his eyes are dilated ridiculously large] Klaus Daimler: Steve! They say you've got crazy-eye! [to the camera] Klaus Daimler: Get him out of the fucking water! Steve Zissou: [shouting] Check the scanning monitor! Klaus Daimler: Steve! [Klaus jumps into the water to get Steve, still wearing all of his normal clothes and not bothering to take his shoes off] Steve Zissou: [shouting] Esteban! Esteban! Esteban!
Steve Zissou: [looking at a map] Your way's four inches, mine is an inch and a half. Do you want to pay for the extra gas?
Steve Zissou: Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern.
Steve Zissou: I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. Possibly with dynamite.
Steve Zissou: [to Ogata and Pele] What are you doing? Go to bed, you sons of bitches!
[sees Steve and Ned fighting and smiles] Klaus Daimler: Are you two fighting? Steve Zissou: I'll deal with you later.
[Hennessey is playing poker with Filipinos who have kidnapped him and Zissou bursts into the room accidentally] Alistair Hennessey: Steven, are you rescuing me? [pause] Alistair Hennessey: Fold. [a pirate quickly shoots Hennessey in the chest, knocking him backwards in his chair and down to the floor - large gunfight begins]
Steve Zissou: You really think it's cool for you to hit the sauce with a bun in the oven?
Oseary Drakoulias: You must swear, legally swear that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it is, if it actually exists. Steve Zissou: I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live. What about my dynamite? Oseary Drakoulias: [to assistant] Phillip, dynamite.
Steve Zissou: Where'd you come from? You look pregnant. Jane Winslett-Richardson: I am pregnant. I'm not even going to ask what you men are doing out here in your matching pajamas, by the way.
Steve Zissou: Can you hear the Jack Whales singing? Ned Plimpton: [Tanker goes off] Beautiful. I wonder what they're saying. Steve Zissou: Well actually that's a Sludge Tanker over there... [Several whales sing] Steve Zissou: There you go!
[during the rescue op, Steve sees a young Filipino boy sitting on the beach, roasting a crab on a spit. Hhe raises his spear gun] Bill Ubell: No, Captain! That's Cedric. He's a friend. Steve Zissou: Merci, Cedric. Remind me, we'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.
Ned Plimpton: Stevesy, what's going on? Are those hijackers? Steve Zissou: Well, out here we call them "pirates," Ned.
Steve Zissou: You're supposed to be my son, right? Ned Plimpton: I don't know. But I did want meet you, just in case.
Ned Plimpton: I've never seen so many electric jellyfish in all my life!
Steve Zissou: I'll find it, but I won't kill it. Now, what about my dynamite?
[last lines] Steve Zissou: This is an adventure.
Alistair Hennessey: How are things going with your - what are you calling it? Leopard fish? Steve Zissou: Jaguar shark. Alistair Hennessey: Jaguar shark! So tell me - does it really exist? Steve Zissou: [hesitant] You know, Allie, I don't want to give away the ending.
Steve Zissou: Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water. No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up.
Steve Zissou: Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins.
Anne-Marie Sakowitz: Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters? Steve Zissou: Yeah, we're taking the shortcut. Anne-Marie Sakowitz: But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection. Steve Zissou: I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?
Steve Zissou: We were pretty good while we lasted, weren't we? Oseary Drakoulias: Oh, we were like glory's gate, my darling. We were like that bloody shark of yours, we swam with the... oh, damn it, I had it on the plane.
Steve Zissou: Supposedly Cousteau and his cronies invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet. But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top so we could pipe in some music.
Antonia Cook: You must be so excited. Steve Zissou: I hope so. You think it went OK? Antonia Cook: No. Congratulations... Seriously. Steve Zissou: Thanks. I wish it didn't require the "seriously," but thank you.
Steve Zissou: Are you sure? Klaus Daimler: Yes, I am. Steve Zissou: I don't understand. Why? Klaus Daimler: What do you mean?.. Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if. Steve Zissou: Cross the line if you're going to quit. Klaus Daimler: Oh.. Do it again. I misunderstood.
Eleanor Zissou: Oh, Shit. What do you want? Steve Zissou: Do you mind if I butter you up a little before I answer that question? Eleanor Zissou: Yes, I do. Tell me now. Steve Zissou: [takes a deep breath] I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me? Eleanor Zissou: No. Steve Zissou: Okay. Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.
Steve Zissou: You know, I'd be jealous about you staying at Allie's place, except I always thought he was kind of a closet queer.
Steve Zissou: We're in the middle of a lighning strike rescue op, Klaus. What's the deal? Klaus Daimler: I'm sick of being on "B" squad. Steve Zissou: You might be on "B" Squad, But you're the "B" Squad leader. Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother? Klaus Daimler: I've always thought of you two as my dads. Please don't let any one make fun of me for saying so. Steve Zissou: I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try. Can we get on with the maneuvers now?
Steve Zissou: Go downstairs and throw a tarp over anything that says "Operation Henessey" on it.
[on Eleanor] Alistair Hennessey: We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm part gay.
Steve Zissou: That pregnant slut is playing us like a cheap fiddle!
Jane Winslett-Richardson: You're too old for me, Steve. Steve Zissou: Yeah, well, you're pregnant.
Steve Zissou: I hope you're not gonna bust out chops on this on, Bill. Bill Ubell: Why would I do that? Steve Zissou: Because you're a bond company stooge. Bill Ubell: [scoffs] I'm also a human being. Steve Zissou: All right, I take that back. How about a little teamsmanship? [he holds out his hand flat. Bill and Ned put theirs on top of his] Steve Zissou, Bill Ubell, Ned Plimpton: Ho!
Ned Plimpton: [introducing himself] Captain Zissou my name is Ned Plimpton... Steve Zissou: [congratulating him] OK, man.
Alistair Hennessey: Is this my espresso machine? Wh-what is-h-how did you get my espresso machine? Bill Ubell: Well... uh... we fuckin' stole it, man.
Steve Zissou: [referring to the shark that ate his friend, Esteban] I wonder if it remembers me.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: [fearing the Jaguar Shark might attack them in their sub] Are we-are we safe in here? Steve Zissou: I doubt it.
Steve Zissou: [before a helicopter crash] This is gonna hurt.
[Vikram is filming Steve next to a screen with the homing dart signal indicating the location of the Jaguar Shark] Steve Zissou: Okay, action. [points to the dot] Steve Zissou: Well, look who's back in town. You've traveled over 150 miles since we last heard from you. This son of a bitch is heading for the South Pacific. [Jane enters the room] Steve Zissou: Turn on your tape recorder, cubbie. Jane Winslett-Richardson: Is it the Jaguar Shark? Steve Zissou: On the record, yes. Cut. Print both takes, Vikram. Jane Winslett-Richardson: Was I... just in the film? Steve Zissou: Yeah. You're gonna have to sign a release.
Steve Zissou: Hey intern, get me a Campari. Intern #1: On the rocks? Steve Zissou: [gives him the "gun" thumbs up salute]
Klaus Daimler: So, you really think you're a Zissou. Ned Plimpton: I don't know. Klaus Daimler: Well, you traveled a long way for "I don't know," sonny. Ned Plimpton: That's true. But it's important to me. Klaus Daimler: Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that are important to some people around here, sonny. Ned Plimpton: Klaus, don't call me "sonny." Klaus Daimler: And one more thing: It's the Steve Zissou show, not the Ned show. [Klaus slaps Ned in the face] Klaus Daimler: You hear me? Ned Plimpton: Yes, I do. [Klaus starts walking away] Ned Plimpton: Klaus? Klaus Daimler: Ja? Ned Plimpton: If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out. Is *that* understood? Klaus Daimler: Not if I don't see you first, sonny.
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