Other Titles • Ferris Bueller's Day Off • Ferris macht blau (1986)
Quotes from Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
1
Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
(18 votes)
2
Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion. Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.
(17 votes)
3
Ferris: Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
(17 votes)
4
Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.
(16 votes)
5
[thinking he's trapped Ferris Bueller on the phone] Ed Rooney: [talking to Cameron on the phone] Tell you what dipshit, if you don't like my policies, you can come down here and smooch my big ol' white butt. Grace: Ed! Ed Rooney: Pucker up, buttercup. (to Grace) What? Grace: Ferris Bueller's on line two.
(16 votes)
6
Ferris: Hi. Do you speak English? Garage Attendant: Uh, what country do you think this is?
7
Sloane: The city looks so peaceful from up here. Ferris: Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet. Cameron: I think I see my dad.
8
Cameron: Okay Ferris, can we just let it go, please? Sloane: Ferris, please. You've gone to far. We're going to get busted. Ferris: A: You can never go too far. B: If I'm gonna get busted, it is *not* gonna be by a guy like *that*.
9
Ferris: [after arguing with the Maitre'd] A- You can never go too far. B- If I'm gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by a guy like that.
10
Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then. Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.
11
Ferris: [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.
12
Boy in Police Station: You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore.
13
Maitre D': You're Abe Froman? Ferris: That's right. I'm Abe Froman. Maitre D': The sausage king of Chicago? Ferris: [brief hesitation] Yeah. That's me.
14
Maitre D': You're Abe Froman? Ferris: That's right, I'm Abe Froman. Maitre D': The Sausage King of Chicago? Ferris: [caught off-guard] ... Uh yeah, that's me. Maitre D': Look, I'm very busy. Why don't you take the kids and go back to the clubhouse? Ferris: Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? Maitre D': I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty. Ferris: Snooty? Maitre D': Snotty. Ferris: Snotty?
15
Ferris: Cameron, what have you seen today? Cameron: Nothing good. Ferris: Nothing - wha - what do you mean nothing good? We've seen everything good. We've seen the whole city! We went to a museum, we saw priceless works of art! We ate pancreas!
16
Shermerite: [a student is walking around with a can collecting money] Save Ferris? Save Ferris? [Solicits Jeannie] Shermerite: Save Ferris? Jeannie: Excuse me? Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. Save Ferris? Jeannie: Go piss up a flagpole. Shermerite: I'm sorry? Jeannie: You should be. [Knocks the can out of his hand]
17
Ed Rooney: Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief. Sloane: Great.
18
Economics Teacher: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious. Economics Teacher: Thank you, Simone Simone: No problem whatsoever.
19
Grace: [talking about Ferris] Oh, well, he's very popular, Ed. The sportoes, sluts, bloods, geeks, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads, they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude. Ed Rooney: That is why I have got to catch him this time, to show these kids the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere!
20
[calling the police about an intruder] Jeannie: There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen... M-my-my-my name is Bueller... [pause] Jeannie: Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better, but I'm in danger, okay? I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't want it violated or killed, all right? I need help! Speaka de English? DICKHEAD!
21
Boy in Police Station: Drugs? Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight. Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs? Jeannie: Why are you here? Boy in Police Station: Drugs.
22
Jeannie: I don't believe this. If I was bleeding out my eyes, you guys would make me go to school.
23
Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
24
Ferris: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
25
Garage Attendant: You guys got nothing to worry about, I'm a professional. Cameron: A professional what?
26
Ferris: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.
27
Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.
28
Singing Nurse: I heard that you were feeling ill / Headache, fever, and a chill / I came to help restore your pluck / 'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to... [Jeannie slams the door in her face]
29
Ed Rooney: How would you feel about another *year* of high school? Under my close personal supervision.
30
Sloane: Mr. Rooney... Ed... you're a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion.
31
Ferris: [his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a bad spill down the stairs. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
32
Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him. Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true. Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas. Grace: Mmm-hmm. Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body. Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.
33
[Calling her mother's office] Jeannie: Well, where is she? This is her daughter. [pause] Jeannie: Do know where she is? [pause] Jeannie: Well, do you know when she'll be back? [pause] Jeannie: Do you know anything? [slams down receiver]
34
Maitre D': I weep for the future.
35
[On the phone] Ed Rooney: Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record? Katie Bueller: I don't understand. Ed Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year. Katie Bueller: This is all news to me. Ed Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times. Katie Bueller: Nine times? Ed Rooney: Nine times. Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times. Ed Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path. Katie Bueller: I can't believe it. Ed Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days... [His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen] Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?
36
Katie Bueller: I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her! Tom Bueller: I think we should shoot her.
37
Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself. Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. [Ferris caresses the car in admiration] Cameron: No. No! Apparently, you don't understand! Ferris: [ignoring Cameron] Wow. Cameron: Ferris, he never drives it! He just rubs it with a diaper!
38
[after hearing Jeannie describe her problems... ] Boy in Police Station: There's someone you should talk to. Jeannie: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle. Boy in Police Station: Oh, you know him?
39
Maitre D': I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty. Ferris: Snooty? Maitre D': Snotty. Ferris: Snotty?
40
Cameron: [in disguised voice] Pardon my French, but you're an asshole! Asshole!
41
Cameron: [Whispering to himself after hanging up from a phone call with Ferris] I'm dying. [Phone rings, and Cameron answers] Ferris: (over the phone) You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.
42
Ferris: Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to. Cameron: We're pinched, for sure. Ferris: Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.
43
[after making a horrible noise with a clarinet] Ferris: Never had one lesson!
44
[On the phone] Ed Rooney: I'm very sorry, Mr. Peterson... Cameron: [disguised voice] Call me sir! Goddamn it!
45
Ferris: I do have a test today. that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who cares if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
46
Ferris: [In a sing-song voice] Do you have a kiss for daddy?
47
Shermanite with Jersey: Who's he talking to? Blond Sherminite: Ferris Bueller, you know him? Shermanite with Jersey: Yeah, he's getting me out of Summer School.
48
[Ferris has snuck aboard a parade float] Ferris: Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you.
49
Jeannie: I can't drive when you're yelling at me! STOP IT!
50
Ferris: Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours. Cameron: Oh, thanks.
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