Bender: [running through the halls singing] I wanna be an airborne ranger / I wanna be an airborne ranger / Before the day I die / There are five things I wanna ride / Rifle, lifeboat, automobile / Vernon's mother and a ferris wheel...
(20 votes)
2
[as Bender prepares to urinate under his desk] Andrew Clark: Hey, you're not urinating in here, man. John Bender: Don't talk. Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.
(19 votes)
3
Bender: Claire, you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? It's pretty tasty. Claire: No thank you. [sarcastically] Bender: Oh Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy who looked like this? Claire: Can't you just leave me alone? Bender: I mean even if he had a nice personality and a cool car... although you'd probably have to ride in the backseat because his nuts would ride shotgun
(18 votes)
4
John Bender: Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? Fuck you. Brian Johnson: Is that for real? John Bender: Wanna come over sometime?
(17 votes)
5
[John Bender is absently tearing up books] Andrew Clark: That's real intelligent. John Bender: You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And [examines title] John Bender: Moe-Lay really pumps my nads. Claire Standish: Moliere.
(17 votes)
6
Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus? Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus? Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus. Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
(2 votes)
7
"So it's sort of social--demented and sad, but social."--Bender (Judd Nelson) to Brian (Anthony Michael Hall)
8
"Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."--Vernon (Paul Gleason) to Bender
9
Andrew: Yo wastoid, you're not gonna blaze up in here.
10
John Bender: YOU ARE A BITCH. Claire Standish: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch? John Bender: NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, if you don't got the balls to stand up to who you like.
11
John Bender: Hey, homeboy, what do you say we close that door, we'll get the prom queen impregnated.
12
John Bender: So... So, are you guys boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady Dates? Lov-ers? Come on, Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection? Claire Standish: GO TO HELL. Andrew Clark: ENOUGH. Richard Vernon: Hey. What's going on in there? [whispering] Richard Vernon: Spoiled little pricks.
13
John Bender: You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny."
14
Brian's mom: Now is this the first time or the last time we do this? Brian Johnson: Last. Brian's mom: Good. Now use the time to your advantage. Brian Johnson: Mom, we're not supposed to study, we just have to sit there and do nothing. Brian's mom: Well mister, you better figure out a way to study. Brian's sister: Yeah.
15
[Bender is running through the halls, singing] John Bender: I wanna be an airborne ranger, I wanna be put in danger.
16
[Richard Vernon places magazine rack in front of door to hold it open] John Bender: That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.
17
Principal Richard Vernon: The next time I have to come in here I'm crackin' skulls.
18
Claire Standish: Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin? Brian Johnson: Because it's my business - my personal business! John Bender: Actually, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business...
19
John Bender: My impression of life at Big Bri's house, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, son?" "Great, Dad! How's yours?" "Super! Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad! But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son! You can do it on the boat!" "Gee!" "Hon, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?" [kiss]
20
John Bender: [after Claire flips him off] Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl!
21
Richard Vernon: What did you wanna be when you grew up? Carl: When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon. Richard Vernon: Carl, don't be a goof.
22
Andrew: I said, leave her alone. Bender: You gonna make me? Andrew: Yeah. Bender: You and how many of your friends? Andrew: Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready, pal.
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