Alfie (2004)

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Now here's remake that deserves to be put in a burlap sack and drowned like a litter of kittens. It would be impossible to really remake Alfie and have its titular character be even remotely as smugly and smarmily misogynistic as Michael Caine was in the 1966 installment. Without being picketed and egged and threatened, anyway. So what we get is a watered down, softened up version in which we're actually made to feel sympathy towards the unlikable star. A version written and directed by Charles Shyer, a filmmaker known for such gritty work as Baby Boom, Father of the Bride and the darkly noir-ish I Love Trouble. Yes, I am kidding. So save your emails.

Jude Law, in role number three of six in late '04 releases, replaces Caine as the eponymous Alfie, a self-centered, womanizing Brit-in-Manhattan limousine driver who has no problem banging his best friend's girl (Nia Long) or stringing along a single mother (Marisa Tomei). He also has no problem dictating his egotistical monologues right into the camera, which made him even more unlikable, in a Catcher Block from Down With Love kind of way. There's just something about forcing a puffy, homely film critic to listen to the inane prattling of an attractive, sexually active cad, I guess.

Even when Alfie suffers through a monumental bout of impotence, it's tough to feel his pain. Even when Alfie begins his eventual and totally transparent downfall, it's tough to feel his pain. Even when Alfie starts looking like Callum Blue from Dead Like Me, it's tough to feel his pain. It 'll be easy to feel your own pain, though. You'll be the one holding your gut, wondering where you took the wrong turn that lead you down the shameful path that is Alfie. This film was supposed to open this week, but was pushed back until November 5. Because competing with The Incredibles is a better financial proposition than going mano a mano with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Bill Pullman. Not because it sucks. Not at all (still kidding; save your emails).

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X-Language: en
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X-RT-RatingText: 4/10