Production Companies Studio Canal, Working Title Films, WT2 Productions, Big Talk Productions (in association with), Inside Track 2 (in association with), FilmFour (developed and produced with the assistance of)
Other Titles • Shaun of the Dead (2004) • Tea-Time of the Dead
Quotes from Shaun of the Dead (2004)
1
Ed: Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?
(40 votes)
2
Ed: [pulls the car up] What's up, niggas?
(30 votes)
3
[after the gun fires in the pub, proving Ed correct] Shaun: Okay. But dogs CAN look up!
(37 votes)
4
[Shaun is surprised to see that Liz has a pack of cigarettes] Liz: You left them at my place. Shaun: Yeah, in the bin! Liz: I was desperate. Shaun: Sneaky monkey...
(37 votes)
5
[repeated line] Various: You've got red on you.
(30 votes)
6
Barbara: My, how you've grown! Ed: Yeah, you'd better believe it.
(22 votes)
7
David: I'm not staying here. Liz: David, don't, that's suicide. Ed: I think you should go.
(1 vote)
8
Shaun: It's not that I don't wanna spend time with you, cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends. Ed: Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?
9
Shaun: Come and get it! It's a running buffet! [shouts] Shaun: All you can eat!
10
Ed: Any zombies out there? Shaun: Don't say that! Ed: What? Shaun: That! Ed: What? Shaun: The "zed" word. Don't say it! Ed: Why not? Shaun: Because it's ridiculous! Ed: Well... are they any? Shaun: [looking out the door mail slot, sees an empty street] I don't see any. Maybe it's not as bad as all that. Shaun: [turns his head, sees a pack of zombies] Oh, no, wait, there they are.
11
Ed: Hey, Shaun, look who it is! Shaun: FUCK-A-DOODLE-DO!
12
Ed: [after Shaun hits zombie with butt of rifle] You could have just shot him.
13
Shaun: [in concerned tone] Mum, have you been bitten? Barbara: No, but Philip has. Shaun: Oh, OK. Ed: [concerned] Has she been bitten? Shaun: No, Philip has. Ed: Oh, OK.
14
Shaun: [about Ed] He's not my boyfriend! Ed: [handing beer to Shaun] It might be a bit warm, the cooler was off. Shaun: Thanks, babe. [winks]
15
Shaun: Did you know that on several occasions... he touched me? [long pause as Barbara turns to look at Shaun] Shaun: That wasn't true. Shouldn't have said that.
16
Ed: Shoot the gun! Shaun: For the last time, Ed, it's not... [gun misfires] Ed: I fucking knew it!
17
[looking through Shaun's LPs for suitable records to throw at two approaching zombies] Ed: Purple Rain. Shaun: No. Ed: Sign o' the Times. Shaun: Definitely not. Ed: The Batman soundtrack? Shaun: Throw it.
18
[repeated line] Shaun: He's not my Dad, he's my stepdad!
19
Ed: We're coming to get you, Barbara!
20
Ed: Don't forget to kill Philip!
21
Pete: It's four in the fucking morning! Shaun: It's Saturday! Pete: No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY? Ed: Fuck, yeah!
22
Shaun: Ohh, for God's sake! He's got an arm off!
23
Ed: What's the plan then? Shaun: Right. [Cuts to dream sequence] Shaun: We take Pete's car, we drive over to mum's, we go in, take care of Phillip - "I'm so sorry Phillip". - then we grab mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over. Ed: Why have we got to go to Liz's? Shaun: Because we do. Ed: But she dumped you! Shaun: I have to know if she's all right! Ed: Why? Shaun: Because I love her! Ed: All right... gayyy... I'm not staying there, though. Shaun: Why not? Ed: If we hole up, I wanna be somewhere familiar, I wanna know where the exits are, and I wanna be allowed to smoke. Shaun: Okay. [cuts to dream sequence again] Shaun: We take Pete's car, go around mum's, go in, deal with Phillip - "Sorry Phillip!" - grab mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over. Ed: Perfect! Shaun: No, no, no, no, no, wait, we can't bring her back here. Ed: Why not? Shaun: Well, it's not really safe, is it? Ed: Yeah, look at the state of it. Shaun: Where's safe? where's familiar? Ed: Where can I smoke? [Shaun and Ed pause then slowly make a realization] Shaun: [cuts to dream sequence a third time] Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold? Ed: Yeah, boyyyeee! [Shaun and Ed clang weapons together]
24
Shaun: They still out there? [Ed checks, revealing two zombies scratching at the window] Ed: Yeah. What you think we should do? Shaun: Have a sit down?
25
[On leaving the front door open] Pete: I'm not saying it was you, Shaun. Shaun: I know, man... Pete: I'm saying it was Ed.
26
[on Philip's Jaguar] Shaun: Philip, have you still got the child-locks on? Philip: Safety first, Shaun.
27
[describing the zombies] Dianne: Vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet.
28
[trying to call the emergency services] Ed: Shaun, what's going on? Shaun: Shit, it's engaged! Ed: How about an ambulance? Shaun: It's engaged, Ed. Ed: A fire engine? Shaun: It's one number, Ed, and it's busy! Okay? What you want a fire engine for, anyway? Ed: Anything with flashing lights, you know?
29
Liz: It's just that with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flatmates out, and then that only exacerbates things. Shaun: What you mean? Liz: Well, you guys hardly get on, do you? Shaun: No, I mean, what does "exacerbates' mean?
30
[a jukebox begins playing Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" while the zombie Pub owner attacks the group] Shaun: Who the hell put this on? Ed: It's on random. Liz: For fuck's sake!
31
David: You still haven't met his mum? Shaun: Not yet! Dianne: Don't you get on with your mum, Shaun? Shaun: It's not that I don't get on with her... David: Are you ashamed of your mum, Shaun? Shaun: No! I love my mum! Ed: I love his mum too. Shaun: Ed! Ed: [singing] She's like butter! Shaun: Ed!
32
Ed: [repeated] I got nothing.
33
[Ed pulls the car over after doing a couple of 360's] Ed: Whoa, mama! Shaun: Christ! What the hell do you think you're doing? Ed: Chill out. Everyone's all right. Shaun: Stop telling me to chill out!
34
[Shaun and Ed pull up to Barbara's house and sees Philip's Jaguar in the driveway] Ed: Oh! Hello! Who's a pretty boy, then? [wolf whistle] Ed: You didn't tell me Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive one of those. Shaun: Yeah, well, it's Philip's, okay? He won't let anybody near it. Honestly, I put off a Mars bar in the glove box once and he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood. Ed: Fuck. It's gorgeous.
35
Trisha Goddard: ["I Married A Zombie" sketch] Do you go to bed with it?
36
Ed: It's not hip-hop... it's Electro... prick. Next time I see him... he's dead.
37
David: We're in a pub! What're we going to do now? Ed: Get a round in?
38
Shaun: Kill the Queen! David: What? Shaun: The jukebox!
39
[Shaun is channel hopping] [Channel 4 News] Krishnan Guru-Murthy: Though no one official is prepared to comment, religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There's... [VH1, playing "Panic" by The Smiths] Morrissey: - Panic on the streets of London... [ITV News] Newsreader: - as an increasing number of reports of... [Football] Commentator: - serious attacks on... [Five News] Newsreader: - people, who are literally being... [Nature documentary, leopards eating a gazelle] Narrator: - eaten alive. [Sky News] Jeremy Thompson: Witnesses' reports at best are sketchy, but one unifying detail seems to be that the attackers in many instances appear to be... [T4] Vernon Kaye: - dead excited to have with us here a sensational chart topping...
40
Ed: Big Al says so. Shaun: Yeah, but Big Al says dogs can't look up!
41
Barbara: It's been a funny sort of day, hasn't it?
42
Liz: You, hang out with my friends? A failed actress and a twat? Shaun: Well, that's a bit harsh. Liz: Your words, Shaun! Shaun: I did NOT call Diane a failed actress!
43
Shaun: Pete? Pete? Ed: Why can't we go up there? Shaun: Because A, he might be one of them, and B, he might still be annoyed. Shaun: Pete? Ed: OI, PRICK! [There is a pause] Shaun, Ed: [together] He's not in.
44
[Shaun and Ed back up to the body of a man they've just hit and Shaun rolls down his window] Shaun: Excuse me... are you all right? Hello? Ed: Aw, come on, why can't we just go? Shaun: I've got to be sure of something. Ed: He's going to be dead either way! Shaun: That's not the point, Ed! Excuse me... are you all right? [the body rises and moans, zombified, at Shaun and Ed] Shaun: Oh, well, thank God for that.
45
Ed: Cock it!
46
[after Shaun gets shouted at by Liz] David: Basically, I'd say your nine lives are up, Shaun Shaun: Get fucked, four eyes! Why don't you go out with her if you love her so much? [storms off] David: Well, I don't know what he meant by that. [uncomfortable silence]
47
Shaun: As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Meat is the anagram of team... I don't know what he was talking about.
48
Shaun: If you get cornered... [hits himself on head with cricket bat] Shaun: ...bash 'em in the head, that seems to work. Ow.
49
Shaun: Mum, look, what would you say if I told you that over the years Philip's been quite unkind to me? Barbara: Well you weren't always the easiest person to live with Shaun: Mum, he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood! Barbara: Well you did call him a you-know-what! Shaun: Oh, what, did he tell you that? Barbara: Yes he did. Shaun: Mother fucker! Barbara: Shaun! Shaun: Sorry mother!... mum!
50
Liz: Well... is it clear? Shaun: No. Liz: How many? Shaun: Lots. [pan up to show a horde of zombies behind the fence]
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