AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)

"Alien vs. Predator" – No One Wins

by Homer Yen

(c) 2004

I suppose that some of us will venture out to see

"Alien vs. Predator." At least the studio heads

know when to time the release of a film like

this. With its target audience being young adult

males who have historically fueled tickets for

this genre of film, many may be longing for a

sci-fi, disposable monster flick. Indeed, this

film seems packaged with the care and speed of a

burger being served at fast food burger joint.

But at least you kind of know what you're

getting. So if you knowingly stop at a fast food

restaurant, you can't realistically walk away

complaining that you didn't receive stellar

service and a memorable meal. 

What factors, do you suppose, brought this to the

big screen? Well, it probably wasn't expensive

to make. There are no top-tier stars to balloon

a budget. In fact, you probably won't recognize

anyone. This is one of those ensemble casts

where newcomers are just grateful to be cast in a

Hollywood film. Yet, if there are bigger and

better projects in their future, you couldn't

tell from their screen time here.

Meanwhile, there is probably some kind of

built-in fan base that will watch anything that

has some extraterrestrial monster in the film.

If that's you, then here's your film. You do get

to see a lot of combat sequences in which the

mucilage oozing and acid spurting lizard-like

Aliens try to assert their dominance in their

battle against the very ugly warrior race

Predators. How these two wind up battling each

other, however, is a muddled mess that the

characters try to explain with a note of

seriousness. But some things are better left

unsaid. It only makes you want to point out

additional flaws such as the fact that everyone

is in Antarctica but there's no steam coming out

of their mouths when they speak. Films like this

never rely on logic. So, there's no use trying

to add any.

What a film like this should do is to bring about

a sense of fun as these hapless victims run for

their lives. The atmosphere, with its foreboding

weather and dark corridors, seem to prep us for

plenty of scary moments. But the payoff moments

are muted by the fact that there isn't really

anyone to cheer for. Should we cheer for any of

the humans? Well, none of them are really

fleshed out, so none of them are really

significant. If one died versus the other,

neither the other characters or the audience

feels really any worse off. Should we cheer on

the Aliens? They do nothing but squeal and

oddly, they aren't even as nifty or resourceful

as the Predators. Should we cheer on the

Predators? Well, the trouble is that they all

look alike. And thus, you have a film with a

convoluted premise and apathy for the cast of

characters. "Alien vs. Predator" basically

becomes a long sequence of fleeing, hiding,

shooting, shouting and devouring.

Again, if you've seen any of the other films that

featured these monsters, you pretty much know

what to expect. It may temporarily relieve your

hunger pains if you're starving for an alien

flick. But let's face it. We can all do better.

Grade:        C-

S:        0 out of 3

L:        1 out of 3

V:        2 out of 3

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X-Language: en
X-RT-ReviewID: 1314643
X-RT-TitleID: 1134655
X-RT-AuthorID: 1370
X-RT-RatingText: C-