ALIEN VS. PREDATOR
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2004 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2
Who wins? Who cares in the slow and silly ALIEN VS. PREDATOR, directed
aimlessly by Paul W.S. Anderson (MORTAL KOMBAT)? Operating within the confines
of its PG-13 rating, the film is never scary, although it does manage to be a
little gross from the dead aliens' oozing green slime.
The complicated pretext that gets the aliens and the predators battling each
other involves an ancient pyramid discovered two thousand feet below the ice in
Antarctica. The humans in the story, led by Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan), are
there solely for the stupidity factor. Alexa turns out to be the movie's
Ripley, as the only human brave and resourceful enough to participate
effectively in the battle.
The plodding pacing is punctuated by sporadic and clunky dialog ("We do not
have the luxury of quitting." and "It's time to choose sides.") The one decent
line in the entire picture comes when the scientists are nonplussed by the
high-tech weaponry that they discover buried in a centuries-old tomb. "It's
like finding Moses's DVD collection," one of the nerdier members of the team
remarks.
The only enjoyment, if any, in a lame sci-fi film like ALIEN VS. PREDATOR,
comes in the laughter. There are occasions -- but, sadly not many -- in which
the movie gets so ridiculous that it's fun to laugh at. Otherwise, this is a
completely disposable film, filled with dark, blurry fight sequences and with a
surprising lack of energy or drive.
ALIEN VS. PREDATOR runs a long 1:40. It is rated PG-13 for "violence,
language, horror images, slime and gore" and would be acceptable for kids
around 12 and up.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, August 13, 2004. In
the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC and the Century theaters.
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