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Tootsie (1982) - movie quotes

Tootsie (1982)

User Rating
88%
(155 votes)
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Quotes (30)
Trivia (6)
Plot Description
Soundtrack
Wallpapers
Shooting Locations
Popularity

Directed by
Sydney Pollack

Written by
Larry Gelbart, Don McGuire

Cast
Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Lange, Teri Garr, Dabney Coleman, Charles Durning [more]


DVD Release Date
• R1: May 29, 2001
• R2: 10 Dec 2001

MPAA Rating
PG

Running Time
1 hour, 59 minutes

Country USA

Studio Columbia Pictures, Mirage, Punch Productions

More info on IMDb.com

Other Titles
• Would I Lie to You? (1982)



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 Quotes from Tootsie (1982)
1
Michael Dorsey: Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?
George Fields: No, no, that's too limited... nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can't even send you up for a commercial. You played a *tomato* for 30 seconds - they went a half a day over schedule because you wouldn't sit down.
Michael Dorsey: Yes - it wasn't logical.
George Fields: YOU WERE A TOMATO. A tomato doesn't have logic. A tomato can't move.
Michael Dorsey: That's what I said. So if he can't move, how's he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like me. I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. I did the best tomato, the best cucumber... I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass.

  69.62962962963% (27 votes)
2
Jeff: You slut.

  70.909090909091% (22 votes)
3
Michael Dorsey: Look, you don't know me from Adam. But I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man. Know what I mean?

  66.95652173913% (23 votes)
4
"How do you feel about Cleveland?"--cameraman's response when asked how far back he can go to make Dorothy Michaels (Dustin Hoffman) look more attractive

  65.217391304348% (23 votes)
5
Sandy: Michael, are you gay?
Michael Dorsey: In what sense?

  55.652173913043% (23 votes)
6
Sandy: I'm going to feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore.

  86.666666666667% (6 votes)
7
Michael Dorsey: Thank you, Gordon. Well, I cannot tell you all how deeply moved I am. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be the object of so much genuine affection. It makes it all the more difficult for me to say what I'm now going to say. Yes. I do feel it's time to set the record straight. You see, I didn't come here just as an administrator, Dr. Brewster; I came to this hospital to settle an old score. Now you all know that my father was a brilliant man; he built this hospital. What you don't know is that to his family, he was an unmerciful tyrant - a absolute dodo bird. He drove my mother, his wife, to - to drink; in fact, she - uh, she she she went riding one time and lost all her teeth. The son Edward became a recluse, and the oldest daughter - the pretty one, the charming one - became pregnant when she was fifteen years old and was driven out of the house. In fact, she was so terrified that she would, uh, that, uh, that, that, that the baby daughter would bear the stigma of illegitimacy that she, she - she decided to change her name and she contracted a disfiguring disease... after moving to Tangiers, which is where she raised the, the, the little girl as her sister. But her one ambition in life - besides the child's happiness - was to become a nurse, so she returned to the States and joined the staff right here at Southwest General. Well, she worked here, she knew she had to speak out wherever she saw injustice and inhumanity. God save us, you do understand that, don't you, Dr. Brewster?
John Van Horne: I never laid a hand on her.
Michael Dorsey: Yes, you did. And she was shunned by all you nurses, too... and by a, what do you call it, what do you call it, a - something like a pariah, to you doctors who found her idealistic and reckless. But she was deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply loved by her brother. It was this brother who, on the day of her death, swore to the good Lord above that he would follow in her footsteps, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just owe it all up to her. But on her terms. As a woman. And just as proud to be a woman as she ever was. For I am not Emily Kimberly, the daughter of Dwayne and Alma Kimberly. No, I'm not. I'm Edward Kimberly, the recluse brother of my sister Anthea. Edward Kimberly, who has finally vindicated his sister's good name. I am Edward Kimberly. Edward Kimberly. And I'm not mentally ill, but proud, and lucky, and strong enough to be the woman that was the best part of my manhood. The best part of myself.

  100% (4 votes)
8
Michael Dorsey: You know, I could lay a big line on you and we could do a lot of role-playing, but the simple truth is, is that I find you very interesting and I'd really like to make love to you.

  100% (3 votes)
9
Jeff: I'm just afraid that you're going to burn in Hell for all this.

  93.333333333333% (3 votes)
10
[Dorothy Michaels' screen test]
Rita: I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?
Cameraman: How do you feel about Cleveland?
Rita: Knock it off.

  100% (2 votes)
11
Julie: [answering phone] Hello?
Dorothy: That's a corncob.

  100% (2 votes)
12
"I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man."--Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman) to Julie Nichols (Jessica Lange)

  80% (2 votes)
13
John Van Horne: Does Jeff know?

  80% (2 votes)
14
Michael Dorsey: I don't believe in hell. I believe in UNEMPLOYMENT, but not hell.

  60% (2 votes)
15
Jeff: I don't like when somebody comes up to me the next day and says, "Hey, man, I saw your play. It touched me; I cried." I like it when a guy comes up to me a week later and says, "Hey, man, I saw your play... what happened?"

  100% (1 vote)
16
Michael Dorsey: You should have seen the look on her face when she thought I was a lesbian.
George Fields: "Lesbian"? You just said gay.
Michael Dorsey: No, no, no - SANDY thinks I'm gay, JULIE thinks I'm a lesbian.
George Fields: I thought Dorothy was supposed to be straight?
Michael Dorsey: Dorothy IS straight. Tonight Les, the sweetest, nicest man in the world asked me to marry him.
George Fields: A guy named Les wants YOU to marry him?
Michael Dorsey: No, no, no - he wants to marry Dorothy.
George Fields: Does he know she's a lesbian?
Michael Dorsey: Dorothy's NOT a lesbian.
George Fields: I know that, does HE know that?
Michael Dorsey: Know WHAT?
George Fields: That, er, I... I don't know.

  100% (1 vote)
17
Michael Dorsey: Friends?
Sandy: No, we are not friends. I don't take this shit from friends. Only lovers.

  80% (1 vote)
18
Jeff: That is one *nutty* hospital.

  80% (1 vote)
19
Dorothy Michaels: What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits... tips?

  40% (2 votes)
20
Sandy: Wish me luck.
Michael Dorsey: Fuck you.
Sandy: Thanks.
Michael Dorsey: Fuck you.

  40% (2 votes)
21
Ron Carlisle: [after Dorothy reveals she is a man] I *knew* there was a reason she didn't like me!

  60% (1 vote)
22
Dorothy: Oh I know what y'all really want is some gross, caricature of a woman... to prove some idiotic point that power makes a woman masculine, or masculine women are ugly, well shame on you for letting a man do that, or any man that does that. That means you dear. Miss Marshall... Shame on you, you macho shithead.

  
23
John Van Horne: I'm just an untalented old has-been.
Dorothy: Were you ever famous?
John Van Horne: No.
Dorothy: Then how can you be a has-been?

  
24
Sandy: Well, goodnite, Michael. It was a wonderful party. My date left with someone else. I had a lot of fun. Do you have any Seconol?

  
25
George Fields: You're too much trouble. Get some therapy.

  
26
Jeff: I think we're getting into a weird area here.

  
27
George Fields: You are psychotic!
Michael Dorsey: No, I'm not, I'm employed.

  
28
Jeff: [waking up and seeing Michael as Dorothy] Mom?

  
29
John Van Horne: [finishing his drink] Dorothy, I want you.
Dorothy Michaels: I beg your pardon

  
30
Julie: I know I'm pretty and I use it. I just guess I shouldn't have gone to Dr. Brewster's office so late.
Dorothy: Well, no, that's not true. You know, Dr. Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses on this ward. Always claiming to be in the throes of an uncontrollable impulse. Do you know what?
Ron Carlisle: Uh-oh.
Dorothy: I think I'm gonna give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod, and just instruct them to just *zap* him in his badoobies.
Julie: Julie tries, unsuccessfully, to hold back a giggle.
Ron Carlisle: *Cattle* prod!
Dorothy: Ruby? Hi, you wanna open the yellow pages under the section, Farm Equipment retail...

  


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