Kermit: [singing] Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The Lovers, the Dreamers, and me.
2
Kermit: That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwin.
3
Fozzie: I'm a professional. I've had three performances.
4
Fozzie: Oh, I'm so Nervous. If this movie's no good, I won't be able to live with myself. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Well, then you'll have to get another apartment.
5
Fozzie: Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.
6
Bernie: You, you with the banjo, can you help me? I seem to have lost my sense of direction! Kermit: Have you tried Hare Krishna?
7
[afterthe Electric Mayhem paint the Studebaker] Fozzie: I don't know how to thank you guys. Kermit: I don't know WHY to thank you guys.
8
Fozzie: You can come with us. Gonzo: Where are you going? Fozzie: We're following our dreams! Gonzo: Really? I have a dream, too. Fozzie: What? Gonzo: You might think it's stupid. Fozzie: No. Gonzo: Well, I want to go to Bombay, India to become a movie star. Fozzie: You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star. You go where we're going, Hollywood. Gonzo: Well, sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way.
9
Rowlf the Dog: It's not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad.
10
Kermit: Where did you learn to drive? Fozzie: I took a correspondence course.
11
[Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood] Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie, isn't this wonderful. Looks like a dream come true. Kermit: Well don't count your tadpoles until they're hatched, I still have to audition you know. [Lew Lord's secretary closes the doors to his office] Lord's Secretary: And where do you think you're going? Kermit: Oh, hi there. Were here to audition for Lew Lord. Lord's Secretary: You just can't walk in off the street you know, especially with all these animals. Kermit: Animals? What are you talking about. [the muppets have indignant mutter] Lord's Secretary: This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides - [sneezes] Lord's Secretary: I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you. Kermit: Now wait a second. I may not be one of your famous frogs, but I deserve a chance and we are going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we gang? Lord's Secretary: [on the phone] Security, this is Miss Casey. I want to report a... [the muppets shake off their fur with a fan while Lord's secretary has a allergy attack and finally opens the doors to Lord's office]
12
Kermit: Oh, waiter! Waiter! Insolent Waiter: Yes? May I help you? Kermit: You may serve us the wine now. Insolent Waiter: [sarcastically] Oh, may I?
13
El Sleezo Patron: Hello, sailor, buy me a drink? Kermit: Well, you see, I'm not a sailor, I'm a frog. El Sleezo Patron: Oh, cut the small talk and buy me a drink. Kermit: I don't even know you. El Sleezo Tough: Hey, hey! Have you messed with my girl? Kermit: Uh, I... El Sleezo Patron: He did so. He touched me. El Sleezo Tough: Uch. Wash up, you'll get warts. Kermit: That's a myth. El Sleezo Tough: Yeah, but she's *my* "myth"! Kermit: No, no, myth, myth! Myth: Yeth?
14
[Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electric chair] Miss Piggy: [desperate] Please. Please. Not my frog please. Max Krassman: Say goodbye to your frog, miss. Miss Piggy: Why should I? Max Krassman: Because in 10 seconds, he won't know you from kosher bacon. Miss Piggy: [furious] That does it.
15
El Sleezo Cafe Owner: That's toughest meanest filfiest place that fell off of the face of the earth Kermit: Well why not complain to the owner? El Sleezo Cafe Owner: I am the owner.
16
[when seeing Fozzie perform for the first time] Kermit: This guy's lost. Waiter: Maybe he sould try Hare Krishna. Kermit: Good grief, it's a running gag.
17
Fozzie: There was this sailor who was so fat! Sailor: How fat was he? [breaks bottle] Fozzie: Uh, he was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all.
18
Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, turn left when you come to a fork in the road. Fozzie: Turning left at a fork in the road. Kermit! [drives past a giant fork] Kermit: I don't believe that.
19
Kermit: [watching Gonzo fly over the fair with a handful of balloons] Hey Gonzo, what are you doing? Gonzo: About seven knots!
20
Sam the Eagle: Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?
21
Robin the Frog: Uncle Kermit, is this how the Muppets really got started? Kermit: Well, it's sort of approximately what happened.
22
Max Krassman: It is important to remember that you have to hold on to your hat Doc Hopper: What for? Max Krassman: When a German scientist tells you to hold on to your hat, he's not being metaphorical. HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! HAT! HOLD! Good.
23
Statler: I'm Statler. Waldorf: I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle "The Muppet Movie". Gate Guard: Tell him it's down on the left. Private screening room B. Statler: Private screening? Waldorf: Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.
24
Statler: I like this movie fine so far. Waldorf: It hasn't started yet. Statler: That's what I like about it.
25
The Swedish Chef: The flim is okee-dokee. Kermit: Alright, roll the film. The Swedish Chef: Flim a-rolling!
26
Kermit: It's the patriotic part. Robin the Frog: Should we stand up?
27
Fozzie: [after singing "America the Beautiful"] Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear.
28
Zoot: I'm, uh... I'm, uh... I'm... Floyd Pepper: Zoot. The sax is your ax. Uh-oh, Zoot skipped a groove again.
29
[the members of The Electric Mayhem are introducing themselves one by one] Zoot: I'm, uh, uhh... Floyd Pepper: You're Zoot. Sax is your axe. Zoot skipped a groove again.
30
[repeated line] Fozzie: No problem.
31
Miss Piggy: Whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Kermit: Motorcycle cop. Miss Piggy: "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing? Kermit: A motorcycle cop is chasing us.
32
Insolent Waiter: Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.
33
Animal: RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! Floyd Pepper: Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal. Animal: I what do! EAT DRUMS! [chews on a cymbal] Dr. Teeth: No, no, no, no, no, *beat* drums, *beat* drums.
34
Kermit: Wow, this is nice, a Studebaker. Fozzie: Yeah, my uncle left it to me. Kermit: Oh, is he dead? Fozzie: No, he's hibernating.
35
Kermit: Miss Piggy, you look beautiful! Miss Piggy: Thank you! Kermit: [aside] Hollywood talk.
36
Kermit: What's happening? Floyd Pepper: At the moment, *we're* what's happenin'.
37
Rowlf the Dog: "Stay away from women." That's my motto. Kermit: But I can't. Rowlf the Dog: Neither can I. That's my trouble.
38
Rowlf the Dog: [singing] You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. / There's something irresistable-ish about 'em. / We grin and bear it 'cause the nights are long. / I hope that something better comes along.
39
Statler: Well, how do you like the film? Waldorf: I've seen detergents leave a better film than this.
40
Kermit: It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation. This crowd's getting ugly. Fozzie: If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.
41
Bernie: If you ever come to Hollywood, look me up, Bernie, the agent. Kermit: Hey, listen, Bernie the Agent, why don't you say "hello" to Arnie the alligator?
42
Mad Man Mooney: Jack, get rid of this pile of junk! That's my jack. Kermit: Oh, hi, Jack. Sweetums: "Jack" not name, "jack" job.
43
Kermit: [singing] Life's like a movie, write your own ending.
44
Doc Hopper: Listen, we're a small business but we've expanded. Expanded! Just like you frogs expand. Don't you frogs expand? [puffs his cheeks] Kermit: That's a myth. Doc Hopper: A what? Kermit: MYTH! MYTH! Myth: Yeth? Kermit: Uh... [to Fozzie] Kermit: C'mon, bear, burn rubber!
45
Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead. Fozzie: What is that? Kermit: Maybe we should ask him for a ride? Fozzie: I don't know. He looks really big. [to Big Bird] Fozzie: Hey there! Wanna lift? Big Bird: Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television. Fozzie: Oh. Good luck.
46
[after Fozzie speeds off from the TV shop] Doc Hopper: Max! Follow that frog! [Max drives off leaving Doc Hopper behind] Doc Hopper: [screaming] Max! [Max stops and reverses the car] Doc Hopper: Follow that frog with *me* in the car!
47
Fozzie: [walking into the church and seeing the Electric Mayheim] They don't look like Presbyterians to me.
48
Fozzie: Kermit, where are we? Kermit: [Looking at a map] Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here. Fozzie: [after taking his eyes off the road to focus on the map] Look, why don't we just take that little blue line, huh? Kermit: We can't take that. That's a river. Fozzie: Oh. I knew that. Kermit: Yeah sure. Fozzie: Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and... Kermit: [Cutting him off] Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie? Fozzie: Yeah? Kermit: Who's driving?
49
Kermit: [after Fozzie parks the car in front of a church and turns it off] Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days! Fozzie: [Still upbeat] Funny, yet I'm still wide awake! Kermit: Yup. Me too. [Two seconds later Fozzie's head falls back, and he immediately starts snoring. Kermit jumps at that, then shrugs] Kermit: Me too. [Drops his head back and settles in himself]
50
Dr. Teeth: [to Crazy Hairy] You know, I hear this movie's dynamite. [Crazy Hairy blows up a chair]
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