Other Titles • Blazing Saddles • Black Bart (1974) • Is' was, Sheriff? (1974) • Der Wilde wilde Westen (1974)
Quotes from Blazing Saddles (1974)
1
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. Taggart: God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
(47 votes)
2
Taggart: I got it. I got it. Hedley Lamarr: You do? Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em. Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one... Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course. Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women? Taggart: NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on. Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous.
(38 votes)
3
"Yeah, but I shoot with this hand."--Jim
(37 votes)
4
"Excuse me while I whip this out."--Sheriff Bart
(33 votes)
5
[Dr. Sam Johnson (with laurel wreath in hand) greets Bart (the new sheriff), reading from a piece of paper, not realizing that Bart is black] Howard Johnson: As chairman of the welcoming committee, it's a pleasure to present a Laurel and Hardy handshake to our new [finally looks up] Howard Johnson: ... nigger.
(31 votes)
6
"We don't care if it's the first act of HENRY V, we're leaving!"--villager
(3 votes)
7
[to himself, after fooling the town] Bart: Oh, baby, you're *so* talented... and they are *so* dumb.
(3 votes)
8
Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] Here I stand, the goddess of desire / Set men on fire / I have this power. / Morning, noon, and night, it's dwink and dancing / Some quick womancing / And then a shower. / Stage door Johnnies constantly suwwound me / They always hound me, with one wequest. / Who can satisfy their lustful habits? / I'm not a wabbit. / I need some west.
(3 votes)
9
Hedley Lamarr: Meeting adjourned. Oh, I am sorry sir I didn't mean to overstep my bounds, you say that. Governor William J. Le Petomane: What? Hedley Lamarr: Meeting is adjourned. Governor William J. Le Petomane: It is? Hedley Lamarr: No, you say that governor. Governor William J. Le Petomane: What? Hedley Lamarr: Meeting is adjourned. Governor William J. Le Petomane: It is? Hedley Lamarr: Here sir, play with this. [Hands the governor a rubber ball and paddle set]
(3 votes)
10
"If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad."--Jim to Sheriff Bart, about Mongo (Alex Karras)
(2 votes)
11
[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain] Bart: Stampeding cattle. Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime. Bart: Through the Vatican? Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky. Sign here.
(2 votes)
12
"You watch your ass."--Governor
(2 votes)
13
Taggart: Break's over, boys. Don't just lay there gettin' a suntan, ain't gonna do you no good anyhow. Now take this shovel and put it to some good use. [Bart grabs a shovel and advances on Taggart from behind] Charlie: Don't do it, Bart. Bart: Uh-uh, baby, I have to. Taggart: [to Lyle] Now send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said [Bart whacks him] Taggart: OW. Lyle: Send wire, main office, tell them I said ow, gotcha.
(1 vote)
14
"It's not Hedy. It's Hedley. Hedley Lamarr"--Hedley Lamarr (Harvey Korman)
15
"What the hell are you worried about? This is 1874. You'll be able to sue her."--Governor Lepetomane (Mel Brooks)
16
"My name is Jim. But most people call me...Jim."--Jim (Gene Wilder) to Sheriff Bart (Cleavon Little)
17
"I got it! I know how we can run everybody out of Rock Ridge...We'll kill the firstborn male child of every household."--Taggart (Slim Pickens)
18
"Too Jewish."--Lamarr
19
"Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!"--Mexican bandit
(3 votes)
20
"You'd do it for Randolph Scott."--Sheriff Bart
21
"Randolph Scott!"--the townspeople
22
"I didn't get a 'harrumph' out of that guy!"--Governor Lepetomane
23
"Give the governor a 'harrumph!'"--Lamarr
24
"Harrumph!"--Reporter
25
"Can't you see that's the last act of a desperate man?"--Sheriff Bart
Lili Von Shtupp: Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?
28
Lili Von Shtupp: A wed wose, how womantic.
29
[Recalling his gunfighting career] Jim: I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.
30
Bart: Are we awake? Jim: We're not sure. Are we black? Bart: Yes, we are. Jim: Then we're awake, but very puzzled.
31
Church Congregation: [singing] Now is a time of great decision / Are we to stay or up and quit? / There's no avoiding this conclusion: / Our town is turning into shit. Amen.
32
Mexican Bandit: Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.
33
[Jim downs a bottle of whiskey in one long guzzle] Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE. Jim: When?
34
Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'? Elderly woman: Up yours nigger.
35
Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I'm tired of men always coming and going, going and coming and always too soon. [spoken] Lili Von Shtupp: Right, girls?
36
Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character. [Bart reaches for his gun] Jim: Oh no, don't do that. Bart: Why not? Jim: If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.
37
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
38
Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here's taken a liking to you. Mongo: Huh-huh, naw, Mongo straight.
39
Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.
40
Lili Von Shtupp: Hello, cowboy. Wha's your name? Tex: Tex, Ma'am. Lili Von Shtupp: Texmam? Well, tell me Texmam, are you in show business? Tex: Well, no, ma'am. Lilly von Schtupp: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off o' the stage.
41
[first lines] Lyle: Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert an' twenty degree. Can't be more than a hundert an' fourteen.
42
Gabby Johnson: I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.
43
[the railway crew discover quicksand up ahead, and one of them offers to ride up ahead to check it out] Taggart: Horses? We can't afford to lose no horses. Send over a couple o' niggers.
44
[Taggart spots two workers on a hand-cart sinking into quicksand] Taggart: Oh shit. Quick. [Lassos the hand-cart and drags it (but not the men) out of the quicksand] Taggart: Dang that was lucky. Doggone near lost a four hundred dollar handcart.
45
[the Governor is having trouble putting his pen back into its holder] Hedley Lamarr: Think of your secretary... [the pen goes straight in] Governor William J. Le Petomane: Thank you. That's a good one.
46
[Bart returns unexpectedly after being sentenced to death] Charlie: They said you was hung. Bart: And they was right.
47
[Gabby Johnson (on the roof of the church) spots the new sheriff riding into town] Gabby Johnson: [shouting] The sheriff's a nigger. [the last word is lost in the peal of a church bell] Harriett Van Johnson: What did he say? Dr. Sam Johnson: He said the sheriff is near.
48
Bart: You be my guest, and I be your host. What be your pleasure, Jim? Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw... Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.
49
[Bart on grandstand to the townspeople] Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out. [Bart reaches into waistline as crowd gasps and screams. Bart pulls out paper] Crowd: Ahhhhh.
50
[describing how everyone wanted to duel him when he was The Waco Kid] Jim: Then one day I hear "Reach for it, mister." I spun around, and there I was standing face to face with a six year old kid. Well, I just laid down my guns and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
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