Other Titles • Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1972) • Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were • Was Sie schon immer über Sex wissen wollten, aber bisher nicht (1973)
Quotes from Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1972)
1
Friend: [in Italian] You got to play with her before you lay her. Fabrizio: [in Italian] For how long? Friend: [in Italian] Fifteen minutes. Half hour. Depends on the woman. Fabrizio: [in Italian] How long with your wife? Friend: [in Italian] Thirty seconds. Fabrizio: [in Italian, in awe] Lucky!
2
The Fool: My father! You who died in childbirth!
3
Victor Shakapopulis: I don't know if you've read my book, "Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing."
4
The Operator: Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?
5
The Operator: Think we're gonna have intercourse tonight?
6
The Queen: Kiss me quick! The Fool: Yes!... where is your quick?
7
The Queen: Ah, 'tis the chastity belt that the jealous King hath fastened upon me that no one but he shalst have the goods of the body. The Fool: Yeah, it's a pretty bad break for all of us at the Palace.
8
[the Fool standing next to the Queen in her bedroom] The King: [to the Queen] Come, give me a kiss. The Fool: 'Course, Milord - stick out your tongue.
9
The Fool: Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.
10
The Fool: With most grievous dispatch I shall open the latch to get at her snatch!
11
[The King has caught the Fool hiding in the Queen's dress] The Fool: Hi Milord! You remember when you said if I was ever in town, I should look up your wife?
12
[Dr. Ross's wife has caught him in bed with a sheep wearing sexy black garters] Mrs. Ross: [upset] How could you? Dr Doug Ross: This is Mrs. Bencours, one of my patients. She thinks she's a sheep.
13
[Dr. Ross is in divorce court] Divorce Court Judge: The defendant did commit an adulterous act with a sheep - most distasteful in view of the fact that the sheep was under 18 years old.
14
Gina: [in Italian] Fabrizio, go easy on my hymen.
15
Gina: [in Italian] It was my first time. Did you like it? Fabrizio: [in Italian] Me? Are you kidding? More fun than laughing.
16
[Fabrizio tries in vain to get Gina excited] Fabrizio: [romantically, in Italian, as he rubs her] Foreplay... foreplay... foreplay... foreplay... foreplay... [a long time later, Gina is still insensitive] Fabrizio: [sleepily, in Italian] Foreplay... foreplay... foreplay... [Fabrizio falls asleep on top of her]
17
Woods County Sheriff: [on radio] Be on the look out for a large female breast. Victor Shakapopulis: It's about a 4000 with an X-cup. Woods County Sheriff: About a 4000 with an X-cup.
18
Helen Lacey: You're insane! Dr. Bernardo: That's what they called me at Masters and Johnson for creating a 400-foot diaphragm. Contraception for the entire nation at once!
19
Sperm #1: I'm not getting shot out of that thing. What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to end up on the ceiling.
20
Helen Lacey: Oh, Victor, please don't do anything dangerous! Victor Shakapopulis: Don't worry. I know how to handle tits.
21
Dr. Bernardo: In here I have twenty scouts. I want to measure your respiration when they gang-bang you.
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