"There's a word for you ladies, but it is seldom used in high society, outside of a kennel."--Joan Crawford (Crystal Allen)
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Sylvia Fowler: Oh, you remember the awful things they said about what's-her-name before she jumped out the window? There. You see? I can't even remember her name so who cares?
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Crystal Allen: There is a name for you, ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel.
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Mary Haines: I think I got what Mrs. Fowler's friends come in for.
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Olga: She's got those eyes that run up and down a man like a searchlight.
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Crystal Allen: If you throw a lambchop into a hot oven, what's gonna keep it from gettin' done?
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Sylvia Fowler: You simply must see my hairdresser, I DETEST whoever does yours.
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Sylvia Fowler: Mary Haines, don't you have any pride? Mary Haines: No pride at all. That's a luxury a woman in love can't afford.
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Maggie: The first man who can explain how he can be in love with his wife - and another woman - is gonna win that prize they're always giving out in Sweden.
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Miriam Aarons: A woman's compromised the day she's born.
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Mary Haines: I've had two years to grow claws mother. Jungle red.
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Crystal Allen: I'm having him dine at my place. It's about time he found out I was a home girl. Pat: A home girl? Get her? Why don't you borrow the quintuplets for the evening? Crystal Allen: Because I'm all the baby he wants, pet.
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Miriam Aarons: You should have licked that girl where she licked you; in his arms. It's where you win in the first round and if I know men, it's still Custer's Last Stand.
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Mrs. Spencer's friend: [gasp] Good grief! I hate to tell you, dear, but your skin makes the Rocky Mountains look like chiffon velvet!
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Nancy Blake: [looking at Sylvia Fowler's blouse] Great guns. What are you made up for? The Seeing Eye?
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Edith Potter: When do you go to Africa to shoot, dear? Nancy Blake: As soon as my book is out. Sylvia Fowler: I don't blame you. I'd rather face a tiger any day than the sort of things the critics said about your last book.
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Edith Potter: What are you going to write next, Nancy? Animal stories? Nancy Blake: [looking at Sylvia Fowler] I wouldn't have to go to Africa for that.
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Sylvia Fowler: I'd die before I hurt Edith. Nancy Blake: [offering Sylvia a tray of nuts] Nuts.
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Peggy Day: He beats you. Lucy, how terrible. Lucy: Ain't it. When you think of the lot of women on this ranch who need a beatin' more than I do.
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Sylvia Fowler: Is that anyway to talk to me after all I've done for you? Crystal Allen: Done what? Sylvia Fowler: You didn't know a soul when you married Steven. After all, it wasn't easy to put you over. Crystal Allen: And who says you put me over. Sylvia Fowler: I've gotten you into some of our very best homes. Crystal Allen: Yes, with some of their very best insults.
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Woman at party: So he says 'I gotta go home on Sunday.' So I says 'Why do you got to?' So he says 'they always expect me home on Easter Sunday.' So I say, 'what do they expect you to do? Lay an egg?'"
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Miriam Aarons: Any ladle's sweet that dishes out some gravy.
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Mary Haines: I'll be doing the cooking so you know what he'll get. Little Mary Haines: I know - indigestion.
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Countess DeLave: Oh, l'amour, l'amour, how it can let you down.
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Miriam Aarons: You're passing up a swell chance, honey. Where I spit no grass grows ever.
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Lucy: Them big, strong, red-headed men... they're fierce!
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Crystal Allen: Say, listen, I've worked too hard to land this meal ticket to make any false moves now.
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Sylvia Fowler: Why you sly little fox, you.
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Countess DeLave: Oh, poor creatures. They've lost their equilibrium because they've lost their faith in love. Oh l'amour, l'amour.
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Maggie: Now don't that sound just like a husband?
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Edith Potter: Oh, she can't help it. It's just her tough luck that she wasn't born deaf and dumb.
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Mrs. Moorehead: Besides, there's nothing like a good dose of being left alone to make a man appreciate his wife.
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Miriam Aarons: Listen, sister, when are you going to get wise to yourself?
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Sylvia Fowler: Did you get her innuendo?
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Mrs. Moorehead: I'm an old woman, my dear. I know my sex.
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Corset model: Our new one-piece lace foundation garment. Zips up the back and no bone.
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Crystal Allen: You noble wives and mothers bore the brains out of me. And I bet you bore your husbands, too. Mary Haines: You are a hard one. Crystal Allen: I can be soft on the right occasion.
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Sylvia Fowler: Our friend, Mrs. Stephen Haines, simply dotes on this... Her husband picked it out for her... Perhaps you waited on him? Crystal Allen: I'm afraid I don't remember. You see, there are so many men who come in here. Sylvia Fowler: Awfully good looking... I'm sure you wouldn't overlook him. Crystal Allen: I'm sorry, but when one's mind is on one's own business... Sylvia Fowler: Of course... And as you say, you have so many men.
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Tough girl: I still say I'm gonna pull a gun on that guy. Just like I did on Judge McClure.
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Exercise instructress: [instructing Mrs. Fowler in her exercises] Up, over. Up, down. Up, stretch! Up together. Sylvia Fowler: No more up. This is getting me down. Exercise instructress: Then rest a moment and relax your diaphram muscles. [under her breath] Exercise instructress: If you can.
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Sylvia Fowler: Mrs. Haines never listens to any of her friends... Exercise instructress: [under her breath] Not if she can avoid it!
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Exercise instructress: Arms flat. Crawl slowly up the wall... Sylvia Fowler: The way you say that makes me feel like vermin. Exercise instructress: That shouldn't be much effort. I mean, crawling up the wall.
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Crystal Allen: [on the telephone] Oh no, Steven, I couldn't think of your dissarranging your evening. I'll have another birthday next year. Pat: You'll have another one next week! Crystal Allen: [covering the mouthpiece] Look, so help me, I'm gonna slug you!
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Exercise instructress: Let's begin with posture. A lady always enters a room erect. Sylvia Fowler: Most of my friends exit horizontally.
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Exercise instructress: Mrs. Fowler you've hardly moved a muscle. Sylvia Fowler: Whose carcass is this, yours or mine? Exercise instructress: It's yours, but I'm paid to exercise it. Sylvia Fowler: You sound like a horse trainer. Exercise instructress: No, Mrs. Fowler, but you're getting warm.
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Mrs. Spencer's friend: Just look at Sidney's miniatures. Mrs. Spencer: Hmmm. Sure sign of a petty mind! Receptionist: They're ready Mrs. Spencer. You can look at the art exhibit later. Mrs. Spencer: Alright. [to her friend] Mrs. Spencer: Art exhibit my foot!
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Saleswoman: That's all they want from us, the rats! Corset model: [air-headedly] Well, what else have we got to give?
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Nurse: One minute more, Mrs. Miller and you can breathe again. Young girl: [barging in] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm looking for grandma. [she wanders into the next room] Young girl: Grandma isn't in there... First Mudbath Woman: Well, she isn't in here... Oh! This tub has worms in it! I can feel them! Second Mudbath Woman: They're probably more afraid of you than you are of them. Young girl: What's the matter with a little worm? Why, at Harvard and Yale they eat them...
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