General Streck, German High Command: [talking on the phone] What is the condition of Sergeant Kruger? [pause] General Streck, German High Command: Very well, let me know if there is any change in his condition. [Hangs up] General Streck, German High Command: He's dead.
(72 votes)
2
Blindman: What phony dog poo?
(71 votes)
3
Hillary Flammond: My uncle was born in America. Nick Rivers: Oh, really? Hillary Flammond: But he was one of the lucky ones. He managed to escape in a balloon during the Jimmy Carter presidency.
(65 votes)
4
Hillary Flammond: Only a year ago, I was teaching a course in black history at the University of Blaupunkt.
(65 votes)
5
[Doctor Flamond is being rescued] Doctor Flamond: How ironic. Two more days and I would have completed my tunnel.
(63 votes)
6
Hillary Flammond: I know a little German. He's sitting over there.
(4 votes)
7
Hillary Flammond: People change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate.
(3 votes)
8
Nick Rivers: Listen to me Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground. Hillary Flammond: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie. [Long pause. Both look at camera]
(2 votes)
9
[Nick and Hillary arrive at the Potato Farm. Shetland pony is coughing] Nick Rivers: What's wrong with him? Wagon Driver: Oh, he caught a cold last week and he's just a little hoarse.
(2 votes)
10
Deja Vu: Nigel, what are you saying? Nigel: How do we know he's NOT Mel Torme?
11
Nick Rivers: Is this the potato farm? Albert Potato, Resistance Member: Yes, I'm Albert Potato.
12
German teaching tape: Die Sauerkraut ist in mein Lederhosen.
13
Hillary Flammond: And I'll miss you most of all scarecrow.
14
[the East German national anthem] All: Hail, hail East Germany / Land of fruit and grape / Land where you'll regret / If you try to escape / No matter if you tunnel under or take a running jump at the wall / Forget it, the guards will kill you, if the electrified fence doesn't first.
15
Nick Rivers: Hillary. That's an unusual name. Hillary Flammond: It's a German name. It means 'she whose bosoms defy gravity'. Nick Rivers: I'm pleased to meet you. My name's Nick. Hillary Flammond: Nick? What does that mean? Nick Rivers: Oh, nothing. My dad thought of it while he was shaving.
16
[Introducing his men] Du Quois: This is Chevalier, Montage, Detente, Avant Garde, and Deja Vu. Deja Vu: Haven't we met before? Nick Rivers: I don't think so. Du Quois: Over there, Croissant, Souffle, Escargot, and Chocolate Mousse.
17
Martin: Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm.
18
Hillary Flammond: Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament? Blindman: In women's tennis, I always root against the heterosexual.
19
Doctor Flamond: If they find out you've seen this, your life will be worth less than a truckload of dead rats in a tampon factory.
20
[on train at checkpoint] Nick Rivers: Where are they taking him? Colonel von Horst: They are not taking him anywhere. [gunshot is heard off screen]
21
General Streck, German High Command: ...And once again, Germany will be united under one rule - OURS. After Sunday, their will be no one to stop us.
22
Nick Rivers: Do you mind if I have a swig of this? [picks up bottle] Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member: Go right ahead. Nick Rivers: [takes a mouthful, spits in disgust] What the hell is this stuff? Chocolate Mousse, Resistance Member: Gasoline. [laughs]
23
Du Quois: [shouts] Latrine.
24
Latrine, Resistance Member: [throws dead carrier pigeon on table] Latrine, Resistance Member: We have a traitor in our midst. Deja Vu: Well done, Latrine. I see that you have taken care of him appropriately. Du Quois: [looks at Deja Vu] Not the bird, you fool! This is a carrier pigeon on its way to the German Headquarters.
25
Colonel von Horst: [reporting on Nick's interrogation] They're still working on him. He won't break. We've tried everything! Do you want me to bring out the Leroy Nieman paintings? General Streck, German High Command: No. We cannot risk violating the Geneva Convention!
26
Du Quois: Nigel made me go back to the meter shed. He ordered me to set off the alarms. Deja Vu: And what does he want us to do now? Du Quois: Nothing you numbskull, Nigel's the traitor!
27
Blindman: Here, smell this flower. It never fails to amuse at parties.
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