Father Gerald: In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spigot.
(26 votes)
2
Charles: Any idea who the girl in the black hat is? Fiona: The name's Carrie. Charles: Pretty. Fiona: American. Charles: Interesting. Fiona: Slut. Charles: Really? Fiona: Used to work at Vogue. Lives in America now. Only gets out with very glamorous people. Quite out of your league. Charles: Well, that's a relief. Thanks.
(25 votes)
3
Tom: Splendid, I thought. What did you think? Bernard: I, thought, splendid! What did you think? Tom: Splendid, I thought.
(25 votes)
4
Tom: I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.
(25 votes)
5
Tom: The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you.
(25 votes)
6
Carrie: Our timing has been very bad. Charles: Yes it has been. Very bad. Carrie: It's been a disaster. Charles: It has been, as you say, very bad indeed.
7
[Charles is translating what his brother David is saying about Carrie in sign language] David: [signing] Beautiful breasts. Charles: Err, he says, "That's a beautiful place. Hilly."
8
Charles: Tom, are you the richest man in England? Tom: Oh, no. We're... like, seventh.
9
Bernard: How's it going, Lyds? Lydia: Bloody awful. Bernard: Oh dear, what's the problem? Lydia: I was promised sex. Everybody said it. You'll be a bridesmaid, you'll get sex, you'll be fighting 'em off. But not so much as a tongue in sight. Bernard: Well, I mean, if you fancy anything, I could always... Lydia: Oh, don't be ridiculous, Bernard. I'm not that desperate.
10
Charles: Fuck-a-doodle-doo!
11
Fiona: Where's Gareth? Matthew: Torturing Americans. Fiona: How thoughtful of him.
12
Carrie: I think we both missed a great opportunity here.
13
[having just seen Carrie at his own wedding] Charles: Dear Lord, forgive me for what I am about to, ah, say in this magnificent place of worship... Bugger! Bugger! Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger!
14
Charles: Let me ask you one thing. Do you think - after we've dried off, after we've spent lots more time together - you might agree *not* to marry me? And do you think not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider doing for the rest of your life? Carrie: I do.
15
Fiona: [discussing the first time one performs a wedding] It's rather like the first time one has sex, I suppose. Father Gerald: I suppose so. Fiona: Only not as messy, and far less cause for condoms.
16
Serena: Excuse me? [points out Charles's brother, who is talking to Charles in sign language] Serena: Who's the boy over there? In the grey? Matthew: Name's David. Serena: [watching David admiringly] He's something of a dish, isn't he. Matthew: I've always thought so. Serena: Why are they... why are they...? [mimicking the sign language] Matthew: Oh, the dish can't hear. Serena: Gosh... Matthew: Yeah. Silent, but deadly attractive.
[signing to David] Serena: I probably I'm naking tols of nistakes
19
American wedding guest: Do you actually know Oscar Wilde? Gareth: Not personally no. But I do know someone who could get you his fax number. Shall we dance?
20
Matthew: Sorry we're so late. The others are just parking the car, I thought we'd all go with Tom. Charles: Late? So late? Matthew: Yeah. It's 9:45. Charles: 9:45? Matthew: Yep. 45 minutes until "I do".
21
George the boor at The Boatman: If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am as a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal. Gareth: Good point.
22
Scarlett: [At wedding one, the bride walks down the aisle] Isn't she beautiful? Fiona: Scarlett, you're blind, she looks like a big meringue.
23
Gareth: The castle beckons, I think Tom.
24
Tom: Did anyone else tread in a cowpat? No, thought not.
25
Charles: Another wedding invitation. And a list. Lovely.
26
Fiona: Do you think I'd hate him as much if he wasn't my brother?
27
Gareth: Scarlotta! Fabulous dress. The ecclesiastical purple and the pagan orange symbolizing the mystical symbiosis in marriage between the heathen and Christian traditions? [pause] Scarlett: That's right.
28
Gareth: We had the most delightful girl at our table. Carrie, apparently her fiancé's terribly grand and owns half of Scotland. How about you? Charles: I seem to be stuck in the wedding from hell, ghosts of girlfriends past at every turn. Next thing I'll bump into Henrietta and the nightmare will be complete. Henrietta: Hello Charles. Charles: Hello Hen, how are you? [Hen bursts into tears]
29
David: How are you doing? Charles: You remember the time you started dad's boat and the propeller cut my leg to shreds? David: Yeah? Charles: This is worse.
30
Vomiting Veronica: [to her husband about going to India with Charles] Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill. Charles: I was only trying to cheer you up, V. Naughty Nicki: Oh, you're that Veronica! Vomiting Veronica: Which Veronica? Charlie? Charles: [trying to change the subject] Remember Bombay? Naughty Nicki: When Charles and I were going out, he told me he had this interesting journey around India with Vomiting Veronica [smiles] Naughty Nicki: I think that was it. Charles: [Embarrassed] I don't remember - maybe I did. Mocking Martha: Oh, come on Charles! I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. I remember you going on about this one girl - Helena wasn't it ... who's mother made a pass at you ... Vomiting Veronica: I remember this! You couldn't work it out whether or not it'd be impolite not to except her advances! Naughty Nicki: Helena was Ms. Piggy! So her mother was Mrs. Piggy! [all laugh] Miss Piggy: [who's been with them the whole time] We've both lost a lot of weight since then!
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