Other Titles • Mr. Deeds (2002) • Deeds (2002) • Mister Deeds (2002)
Quotes from Mr. Deeds (2002)
1
Crazy Eyes: I watch the stock market channel all the time - I just watch because I suspect that anchor man of being an evil leprechaun... he can bullshit everybody else, but he ain't fooling me.
2
Helicopter Pilot: You own the Jets, Deeds.
3
Emilio: How can I ever pay you back, Deeds? Longfellow Deeds: All I want is you're friendship, man. Emilio: How about a billion dollars? Longfellow Deeds: Ok, that's fine too.
4
Longfellow Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there... Emilio: I am, very very sneaky Sr.
5
[Longfellow Deeds is showing Emilio his frostbitten foot] Emilio: The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever. Longfellow Deeds: Oh, yeah. I've heard that before
6
Jan: I'm sorry all I heard was blah blah blah I'm a dirty tramp.
7
Longfellow Deeds: Bu bu bu bu bullshit.
8
Longfellow Deeds: It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.
9
Longfellow Deeds: What up, Chuck?
10
[Anderson raises his hand after Chuck Cedar asks if anyone knows a doctor that just faxed them] Chuck Cedar: Congratulations, you have a spastic colon. Cecil Anderson: That would explain a lot.
11
Longfellow Deeds: Are you sure about that?
12
Longfellow Deeds: What are you in for? Crazy Eyes: I bit the mailman. [waves hand around] Crazy Eyes: He was doing some sort of wizard magic on me. Longfellow Deeds: You sure about that? Crazy Eyes: [still waving hand] Not exactly, he might have been waving.
13
Longfellow Deeds: Hey Crazy Eyes, I got your pizza just how you like it. Crazy Eyes: French Fries and Oreos you know me too well Deeds.
14
Crazy Eyes: I wasn't talking to you Deeds. I was talking to that squirrel.
15
John McEnroe: I like the way you beat up those guys who were making fun of you. It was pretty cool. Longfellow Deeds: Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up Johnny Mac. John McEnroe: That I do.
16
Consuela Lopez: Would you like me to wipe the leaves of your fichus tree?
17
Crazy Eyes: Time heals all things... except these crazy eyes.
18
[In burning building] Cat Lady: I'm not leaving without my cats. Longfellow Deeds: How many cats do you have? Cat Lady: Seven. Longfellow Deeds: Holy shit. Lets get cracking.
19
Rev. Al Sharpton: That was freaky.
20
Crazy Eyes: I thought we were watching Scooby Doo.
21
Murph: Hey look, Deeds is hanging out with John McEnroe. Crazy Eyes: I love The Beach Boys.
22
Babe, aka "Pam Dawson": Oh, you have got to be shittin' me. Longfellow Deeds: Whoa... that's the first time I've heard you curse. Babe: I'm that excited.
23
Babe: I'm Pam Dawson, virgin school nurse from Westchestertonfieldville, Iowa. Mac McGrath: Yeah right. You a virgin.
24
Babe: And this is my brother Denny's room, [opens a closet door] Babe, aka "Pam Dawson": they didn't like my brother very much.
25
Rev. Al Sharpton: Now Brother Preston is soaring with eagles high above, because he lived a life of love. Yes he's flying way up high, because he was a supercool guy. He's gone away, too soon it seems, leaving behind his unfinished dreams. Yes we remember Preston Blake, a man with faith no man could shake. A strength no man could break. A character no man could fake. For goodness sake, let's eat some cake. Funeral attendants: Amen
26
Longfellow Deeds: SO how is the elevator business treating you, Reuben? Reuben the Elevator Operator: Oh, it has its ups and downs. [They both start laughing]
27
[Babe Bennett is fighting against Jan, and Babe just kicked her in the crotch several times] Jan: Where were you kicking? I ain't got no balls, dummy.
28
Jan: I always wanted to be a man.
29
delivery man: Holy Shit, it's a cat!
30
Emilio: I fear you are underestimating the sneakiness sir.
31
[in the Pizza-Place, just after asking Jan if Deeds was there] Cecil Anderson: Is Mrs. Deeds around? Jan: Mrs. Deeds? I don't think that poor boy ever had a date.
32
Emilio: Usually, when you are black out drunk you don't dream... or so I read.
33
Babe: Awww, he's choking. We should leave.
34
Emilio: Here take an aspirin.They make your head seem smaller.
35
Crazy Eyes: [Driving his new car] These things are damn fast! [Floors it and rams into a tree] Crazy Eyes: I'm alright!
36
Babe, aka "Pam Dawson": Hard to breathe, feels like floating So full of love, my heart's exploding Mouth is dry, hands are shaking My heart is yours, for the taking Acting weird, not myself Dancing around, like the Keebler elf Finally time, for this poor shlub. Babe, aka "Pam Dawson": To know how it feels, to fall in lub.
37
Longfellow Deeds: Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear.
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