Sarah: Tom, Tom, calm down your acting crazy. Tom: O.K, sorry, maybe it's just the fact I just got hit in the head with a ten pound ashtray.
(44 votes)
3
Tom: [weilding a fire poker] Hello Peter! So happy you could join us! Sarah: Tom what are you doing? Tom: I was thinking, that it's time for Peter and I to TANGO! [smashes vase with poker] Peter: He's crazy! See you have no furture with this guy. Sarah: Peter, shut up. Tom you're acting like a crazy person. Tom: Oh yeah? Well, maybe that's cause I just got hit in the head with a ten-pound ashtray ! [shrugs shoulders] Peter: I'm warning you Leizak [strikes a kung fu stance] Peter: I studied karate with a Grand Marshall. Tom: Yeah? Well I sure hope he showed ya how to pull a fire poker outta your ass!
(39 votes)
4
Tom: Did you use protection? Sarah: I'm sorry, they don't make condoms that big.
(36 votes)
5
Tom: I need to know everything... where, when, how small his weiner is.
(34 votes)
6
Willie McNerney: We'll sic the hounds on you Leezak. Tom: BRING EM ON, WILLIE!
(5 votes)
7
Peter: I'm not afraid of you. I studied martial arts with some of the best Chinese masters. Tom: Well, I sure hope they taught you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass.
8
Tom: The first sex I had on my honeymoon, was with a man named Santino.
9
Mr. McNerney: Listen, Leezak. I don't expect a "cracker" like you to be considerably a good match for my daughter, but I'll tell you what I do expect: I expect you pay me back in full as soon as that silly-ass radio show yields any kind of personal income. Goodbye, cracker! [hangs up the phone] Tom: Assbag!
10
Tom: Wow, Pussy's never insulted me. Now I feel loved!
11
Tom: Maybe we should just have sex. Sarah: Call me crazy, but I'm not in the mood to make love to you.
12
Tom: Those birds are psychotic.
13
Tom: How often are the Dodgers on TV in Europe.
14
Sarah: Grazie, grazie, grazie [slaps man helping her up] Sarah: Grazie, grazie god dammit.
15
Yuan: We call S.W.A.T. team on your ass.
16
Sarah: I miss doing time in prison with you.
17
Tom: HOOKER! Sarah: MURDERER!
18
Tom: And the hits just keep on coming.
19
Wendy: That was the longest fricking piss in Italian history.
20
Wendy: Oh my god! This is like the Twilight Zone. Tom: I couldn't agree with you more.
21
Kyle: Open the gates. Jack-in-the-box! Yuan: Me not jack in box. You jack in box.
22
Tom: I had the perfect relationship which was ruined by marriage.
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