Other Titles • What's Up, Doc? • Is' was, Doc? (1972)
Quotes from What's Up, Doc? (1972)
1
Eunice: Don't you know the meaning of propriety? Judy: Propriety; noun: conformity to established standards of behavior or manner, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette."
(2 votes)
2
"Let's get this horror show on the road."--The Judge (LIAM DUNN), to the majority of the film's characters, who have all been hauled into court at the film's climax.
3
Eunice: Oh, I'm not looking for romance, Howard. As the years go by romance fades and something else takes its place. Do you know what that is? Howard: Senility? Eunice: Trust!
4
Hugh: I find that as difficult to swallow as this potage au gelee. Judy: How would you like to swallow one sandwich d'knuckles?
5
Judy: You don't wanna marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined and flabby! Howard: Everyone gets wrinkled, lined and flabby! Judy: By next week?
6
Judy: I know I'm different, but from now on I'm going to try and be the same. Howard: The same as what? Judy: The same as people who aren't different.
7
Eunice: And these men tried to molest me. Judge Maxwell: That's... [looks at Eunice] Judge Maxwell: unbelievable.
8
Judy: I don't know who he is but I hate him.
9
Judy: I can't see! Howard: There's nothing to see really, we're inside a Chinese dragon.
10
[Meeting Mr. Larabee] Howard: You! You! Judy: Eu-nice. Eunice. We've almost gotten that stammer cured. Howard: How! How! Judy: How-ard. Howard. He always gets stuck on names. It must be the excitement of meeting you for the first time.
11
Judy: Love means never having to say you're sorry. Howard: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
12
Judy: Eunice? That's a person named Eunice?
13
Judy: Well, this last time was not my fault. Howard: What happened? Judy: Nothing, nothing, really. It was just a little classroom, it sort of burned down. Howard: Burned down? Judy: Well, blew up actually. Howard: Political activism? Judy: Chemistry major. Howard: I see.
14
Hugh: Don't touch me, I'm a doctor. Judge Maxwell: Of what? Hugh: Music. Judge Maxwell: Can you fix a hi-fi? Hugh: No. Judge Maxwell: Then shut up!
15
Fritz: I am afraid one of our guests has lost something. Eunice: Well, I fail to see how it could possibly be in here unless it crawled here under its own power. Fritz: Precisely Miss Burns. Eunice: What are you saying? Fritz: It appears one of our guests, a wealthy eccentric, has lost his pet snake. [Eunice screams and jumps onto the bed] Fritz: Calm yourself, Miss Burns. May I suggest you shut yourself in the bathroom for a few moments while I search your room? Eunice: What if it's in there? Fritz: Impossible, madam. Snakes, as you know, live in mortal fear of... tile.
16
Howard: I'm not repeating myself. I'm not repeating myself. Oh, God, I'm repeating myself.
17
Judge Maxwell: Judy! Judy: Hello Daddy...
18
Judy: Steve, you didn't tell me you were married. Howard: We're not married. Judy: Congratulations. Eunice: But we will be soon. Judy: Condolences.
19
[Judy and Howard's Volkswagen Beetle is speeding along a pier towards a departing ferry] Judy: We can make it... Howard: No. Judy: We can make it... Howard: No. Judy: [the beetle arcs gracefully into San Francisco Bay] I don't think we can make it.
20
Howard: Good morning. Mr Kaltenborn: No, I don't think so. I'm Mr Kaltenborn, the manager of what's left of the hotel. Howard: I'm sorry about all this whole mess here. Usually this doesn't happen. Mr Kaltenborn: Doctor Bannister, I have a message for you from the staff of the hotel. Howard: What is it? Mr Kaltenborn: Goodbye. Howard: That's the entire message? Mr Kaltenborn: We would appreciate it if you would check out. Howard: When? Mr Kaltenborn: Yesterday. Howard: That soon?
21
Banquet Receptionist: This woman claims to be a Eunice Burns. Eunice: I am not A Eunice Burns, I am THE Eunice Burns!
22
Delivery Boy: I want my bike back! Judge Maxwell: I'll give you your bike back - I'll give you a broken back if you don't be quiet.
23
Fritz: [beaming] Mrs. Van Hoskins! It's so nice to have you back with us. Mrs. Van Hoskins: Hello, Hans. Fritz: Fritz. Mrs. Van Hoskins: What happened to Hans? Fritz: There is no Hans. Only me, Fritz. Mrs. Van Hoskins: Oh, what a shame.
24
Howard: Mr. Larrabee, it's a privilege to meet you. I'm Doctor Howard Bannister. Headwaiter: And I'm your headwaiter, Rudy.
25
Judy: Has anyone ever told you that you are very, very sexy? Hugh: Well, actually no. Judy: They never will.
26
Eunice: Now, tell me how you are going to introduce yourself. Howard: What? Oh, well, I'll probably say something like "Hello there, Mr Larrabee. I'm Howard." Eunice: You are not. Howard: I am not Howard. Eunice: You are not going to say "Hi, my name's Howard." Anyone could say that! Anyone. Howard: Anyone named Howard.
27
[Judy and Howard have their heads under the table, Howard is trying to convince Judy to leave, Frederick joins them] Frederick Larrabee: What's going on down here? You two just can't keep away from each other, can you? Howard: Oh, we were just talking. Hugh: [Joins them] Are you alright Mr Larrabee? Can I help? Frederick Larrabee: No, it's fine, we were just chatting. Musicologist: [Joins them] What's the matter? Musicologist: [Joins them] Anything wrong? Frederick Larrabee: No. Judy: We're just testing a theory Howard has about Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure. Professor Hosquith: [Joins them] What? Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure? Judy: You know, V.R.U.S.P.? Musicologist: Oh yes! Musicologist: I think I read a monograph on that.
28
[Howard walks into the hotel gift shop, wanders around, picks up a big rock, a souvenir of Alcatraz, and starts tapping it with a tuning fork] Judy: What's up, Doc? Howard: I beg your pardon? Judy: We gotta stop meeting like this. Howard: I think you've made a mistake. You see, I only came in here for something for a headache. Judy: You're gonna need an awful big glass of water to get that down. Howard: What? No, you see I was just testing this specimen for inherent tonal qualities. I have this theory about early man's musical relationship to igneous rock formations. But I guess you're not interested in igneous rock formations. Judy: Not as much as I am in the sedimentary or metamorphic rock categories. I mean, I can take to igneous rocks or leave 'em. I relate primarily to micas, quartz, feldspar. You can keep your Pyroxenes, magnetites and coarse grained plutonics as far as I'm concerned. Howard: I forgot why I came in here. Judy: Headache.
29
[Howard returns to his room after the dinner and starts changing into his pyjamas] Judy: [calling from the bathroom] Hello out there. Howard: [responding automatically] Hello. [mutters to himself] Judy: [calling from the bathroom] What? [Howard runs to the bathroom and drops his pyjama trousers, Judy's taking a big bubble bath] Judy: I believe you dropped something. Howard: What do you think you are doing? Judy: I think I'm taking a bath aren't I? Howard: If you're not out of here in two minutes, I'm calling the police. Judy: Who do you think they'll arrest? The girl in the tub or the guy with his pants down? Howard: I am not joking now. I do not like to act rashly, but you are the last straw that breaks my camel's back, you are the plague, you bring havoc and chaos to everyone, but why to me? Why me? Why? Judy: Because you look cute in your pyjamas, Steve. Howard: GET OUT! Judy: Right now? Howard: YES! [Judy starts to get out the bath] Howard: No! Wait a minute!
30
Frederick Larrabee: Don't you *dare* strike that brave, unbalanced woman.
31
Eunice: [fighting off a waiter trying to restrain her] Howard! Howard Bannister! Frederick Larrabee: [to Howard] Who is that dangerously deranged woman? Eunice: Howard! I *demand* that you tell them who I am! Howard: [after a long pause] I've never seen her before in my life. [Eunice faints and is dragged from the room, leaving scuff marks on the floor. Judy whistles]
32
Judge Maxwell: Who are you? Hugh: I am Hugh. Judge Maxwell: You are me? Hugh: No, I am Hugh! Judge Maxwell: Stop saying that! [to Bailiff] Judge Maxwell: Make him stop saying that!
33
Hugh: I don't know who *he* is, but *she* is de*fin*itely not herself!
34
Hugh: [threatened by man with a gun] Please don't shoot! I'm half-Italian!
35
Frederick Larrabee: We would like to hear the story that Miss Burns- Judy: Burnsey! Frederick Larrabee: That Burnsey... Howard: He's calling her Burnsey. Frederick Larrabee: That Burnsey was telling us. What was it Howard? Some incredible adventure you had on your flight here? Howard: Yes. No. Judy: I'm afraid my Howard is too modest to tell you the story himself. It all started when we passed the point of no return. Howard: I think we just passed it. Judy: One of the engines failed and the flux valve refused to disconnect. One of the pilots fainted from an over supply of fear and went into this power dive. So Howard took his rocks into the cockpit and selected two of them with a particularly high magnetic content and set up an electrically induced field pattern on the giro counter... Howard: I'm having a nightmare.
36
Judy: ...just possibly saving 120 passengers from a tragic firey death. Frederick Larrabee: I find that story intensely moving.
37
Judy: It wasn't all bad was it? Although it was terrible they took the grant away from you. Howard: They had to do that. You see, the foundation just isn't used to having to bail its founder out of jail.
38
Howard: See? Now the phone is ringing.
39
Hugh: I think the Hugh Simon theory will stand the test of time. Judy: Exactly what *is* that theory Mr Simon? Hugh: I doubt you are qualified to understand it but it says that the 16th and 17th century composers developed a uniform scale platform based upon the intervals utilised in the mountaineer yodel. Judy: And you developed this theory? That should come as a shock to Professor Findelmeyer. Hugh: I don't know what you're talking about. Judy: Sure you do, the Findelmeyer Proposition. Hugh: I don't know what you're talking about, besides that has never been translated. Judy: Just once. Harvard Musicological review, 1925. It's probably out of print now- Frederick Larrabee: Of course! Professor Heinrich Findelmeyer, the university of Zurich, 1911, the controversial Findelmeyer Proposition, no wonder it sounded so familiar. I'm sorry Simon [rips up the grant check] Hugh: This is despicable. Frederick Larrabee: Hugh, you're a bad loser, you're a plagiarist and you're nasty. I don't like you and I want you to go away.
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