Other Titles • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles • Turtles (1990)
Quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
1
April: Oh, Casey hi. Casey Jones: Hi? I look like I just called Mike Tyson a sissy and all you can say is "Hi"? April: You don't need an ambulance, do you? Casey Jones: No, but... April: Just shut up and kiss me, I got a report to do.
(22 votes)
2
Casey Jones: Lead the way, toots. April: "Toots"? Casey Jones: Babe? Sweetcakes? Ah, Princess? You wanna throw me a clue here? I'm drowning. April: You know what, that's okay. I'll do it myself. Casey Jones: Fine, it's up to you. Just don't come around here asking for my help anymore. April: I wouldn't ask for your help if you were the last THING on the face of this planet.
(20 votes)
3
The Shredder: You are here because the outside world rejects you. THIS is your family. *I* am your father. I want you all to become full members of the Foot. There is a new enemy: freaks of nature who interfere with our business. You are my eyes and ears, find them! Together we will punish these creatures. These... Turtles.
(20 votes)
4
Casey Jones: Not even close, Zip Neck. Professor and Mary Ann. Happily ever after. Donatello: No way, Atomic Mouth, Gilligan was her main man. They'd be married and have six kids by now. Casey Jones: Gilligan was a geek, Barfarooni! Donatello: You're the geek, Camel Breath! Casey Jones: Dome head. Donatello: Elf lips! Casey Jones: Okay let's give this a try: Fongoid! Donatello: Here goes. What are we on? Casey Jones: G. Donatello: Here goes, Gak face! Casey Jones: I'm ready, hose brain!
(20 votes)
5
Splinter: Kids.
(20 votes)
6
Michaelangelo: [while Leonardo slices the pizza] Yes, friends, the new tubo ginsu! It dices, it slices, and it makes French fries and three different... [a pizza slice lands on Splinter's head] Michaelangelo: Oops! Splinter: Kids.
7
Splinter: [Leonardo meditates heavily] ... Leonardo! Leonardo: Huh? Splinter! Raphael: [playing a board game] "What Russian novel embraces more than 500 characters is set in the Napoleotic wars?" Donatello: 'War and Peace'. Leonardo: [bursting in] He's alive! Raphael: [Leo walks right on the board game] Hey! Donatello: Game smash. Leonardo: Splinter's alive. Donatello: We know, Leo, of course he is. We all think he's alive. Leonardo: I don't think. I know. Donatello: Huh?
8
Tatsu: Your empire flourishes, Master Shredder. The Shredder: What more from the rat? Tatsu: Nothing. He will not speak. The Shredder: And the boy who lead us to the turtles? Tatsu: He is still missing. I do not understand. Why do the turtles trouble you, master? They have not been seen for many days. The Shredder: Something... About the way you described their fighting. Something familiar. Something... From the past.
9
Donatello: Good thing these guys aren't lumberjacks! Michaelangelo: No joke! The only thing safe in the woods would be the trees!
10
Casey Jones: [about April's farmhouse] Didn't they use this place in The Grapes of Wrath?
11
April: Okay, those guys in the black pajamas, they jumped me, and... and that rat... I saw you in the parking lot. That explains you. And you guys... Um? I have no idea where you came from! Splinter: If you will please just sit down and calm yourself. April: It talks! Splinter: It is really quite simple, Miss O'Neil. April: And he knows my name... perfect! Splinter: Fifteen years ago... April: Why don't I ever dream of Harrison Ford?
12
Casey Jones: This is great. First it was the farm that time forgot and now this. Why don't I ever fall in with people who own condos? Probably hard to get good maid service in a sewer. Maybe you guys should try Roto Rooter, huh?
13
[Raphael has brought an unconscious April O'Neill into the sewer] Donatello: Why? Raphael: Why? Why, Oh I don't know, 'cause I wanted to redecorate. You know, 'couple of throw pillows, a TV news reporter, what do ya think?
14
[Foot Soldiers broke in through windows] Michaelangelo: Boy, and I thought insurance salesmen were pushy!
15
[Shredder just showed up] Leonardo: Can anyone tell me who or what this is? Michaelangelo: Don't know, but I guess it never has to look for a can opener.
16
[Repeated line] Raphael: Damn.
17
Michaelangelo: [Watching a "Tortoise and the Hare" cartoon on TV] You believe this guy? Come on, Ninja kick the damn rabbit! Do something!
18
Raphael: [Chasing Casey Jones] Come back here! I'm not finished with you! DAMN!
19
Delivery Man: Hey, this is a 10. The tab is 13! Michaelangelo: You're two minutes late, dude. Delivery Man: Aw come on, I couldn't find the place! Michaelangelo: Wise man say: forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza. Delivery Man: I gotta get a new route. And I thought I delivered everywhere.
20
Raphael: A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me... you didn't pay money for this.
21
Splinter: I just made a funny!
22
Chief Sterns: Just what is it you hope to accomplish out there BESIDES BUSTING MY CHOPS? April: I think you know just as much as I do about this Foot Clan and I don't think you're doing anything about it. Chief Sterns: You expect me to waste man power because some immigrants are reminded of something that supposedly happened years ago in Japan? April: Have you got something else? Chief Sterns: Are you trying to tell me HOW TO DO MY JOB?
23
Casey Jones: Now that was a crime, you purse grabbing pukes! And this is the penalty! Two minutes for slashing. Two minutes for hooking. And let's not forget my personal favorite, two minutes for high sticking!
24
April: I'd like to invite you all in but I really don't have anything to offer you guys except for some pizza. Michaelangelo: Let's go for it!
25
Leonardo: Listen, Raph, about what I said before. You know, about not needing you and all. Raphael: Leo, don't. Leonardo: Boy we missed you. [They hug] Donatello: It's a Kodak moment.
26
Donatello: You're a claustrophobic. Casey Jones: You want a fist in the mouth? I've never even looked at another guy!
27
April: And then there's Casey Jones, a nine-year-old trapped in a man's body. He might almost be cute if it weren't for that pigheadedness.
28
[Fighting Foot Soldiers] Michaelangelo: Hey Donny, looks like this one is suffering from shell shock. Donatello: Too derivative. Michaelangelo: Well, I guess we can really shell it out. Donatello: Too cliché. Michaelangelo: Well, it was a shell of a good hit! Donatello: I like it! Step up!
29
Passenger in Cab: What the heck was that? Cab Driver: Looked like sort of a big turtle in a trench coat. You're going to La Guardia right?
Delivery Man: [trying to find address] 122... 122 1/8? [takes a couple steps to the right] Delivery Man: 122 1/8! [standing in front of a wall] Delivery Man: Terrific. Where the heck is 122 1/8? Michaelangelo: You're standing on it, Dude!
34
[after Raphael gets a mention from April on the news] Donatello: I think he's blushing. Raphael: I am not. Donatello: I think he's actually turning red! [Raphael chucks a Sai that narrowly misses Donatello] Donatello: Hmm, maybe not.
35
[last lines] Leonardo: We were awesome! Michaelangelo: Bodacious! Raphael: Bitchin'! Donatello: Uh... Michaelangelo: Gnarly! Leonardo: Radical! Raphael: Totally tubular, Dude. Michaelangelo: Wicked! Splinter: I have always liked... Cowabunga. All: Cowabunga!
36
[Fighting Foot Soldiers] Leonardo: One of these guys must know where they're holding Splinter, so don't knock them all out! Michaelangelo: [Getting beat] I don't think that will be a problem, Leo.
37
Casey Jones: New game, round-head. Cricket? Raphael: Cricket? Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!
38
Head Thug: What are we just standing here for? Let's get him! Casey Jones: [brandishing golf club] Do you wanna be first, Junior?
39
[after knocking Tatsu out with a golf club] Casey Jones: I'll never call golf a dull game again.
40
The Shredder: There will be no mistakes this time... I'll go myself. And the rat - kill it! Tatsu: Yes master!
41
[the Turtles weapons are aimed at Danny as he exits the closet] Danny: Don't shoot! Raphael: [his weapon is a Sai] I don't think it's loaded, Kid.
42
Charles: See? That's what he does when he wants to ignore me; he sticks his head in those things. I wonder where the hell he got those things anyway.
43
Raphael: So what are we gonna do about it? Leonardo: What can we do about it? April's our only lead to these guys. We have to wait until she comes up with something. Raphael: Oh, so that's the plan from our *great leader*, just sit here on our butts? Leonardo: I never said I was a great leader. Raphael: Well you sure act like it sometimes. Leonardo: Yeah? And you act like a jerk sometimes, you know that? And this attitude of yours isn't helping anything! Raphael: Yeah? Well maybe I'll just take my attitude and leave! Michaelangelo: Why don't you? Raphael: Good! Great! [Walks out the door] Leonardo: Go ahead. We don't need you! Michaelangelo: [Listening from the kitchen] Pork rind? Donatello: Pork rind.
44
[Michaelangelo jumps out of nowhere, startling April] Michaelangelo: That was close. Whoa, time to switch to decaf, April.
45
Foot Messenger: We have been looking for you, Miss O'Neil. April: Am I behind on my Sony payments again? Ha ha ha. Foot Messenger: Your mouth may yet bring you much trouble, Miss O'Neil. I deliver a message. Foot Messenger: [Slaps her in the face] Foot Messenger: Shut it!
46
April: Danny, how's school? Danny: Fine. Charles: Wonderful. So wonderful that I have to drive him there every morning just to make sure he goes.
47
Splinter: I too once had a family, Danny. Many years ago I lived in Japan, a pet of my master Yoshi. Mimicking his movements from my cage and learning the mysterious art of Ninjitsu, for Yoshi was one of Japan's finest shadow warriors. His only rival was a man named Oroko Saki and they competed in all things but nothing more fiercely than the love for a woman, Thang Shin. Shin's love was only for my master and rather than see him fight Saki for her hand, she persuaded Yoshi to flee with me to America. But Saki vowed vengeance, I remember it well. As my master returned home to find his beloved Shin, lying on the floor, and then he saw her killer. Saki wasted no words, and during the struggle, my cage was broken. I leapt to Saki's face, biting and clawing, but he threw me to the floor and took one swipe with his Katana, slicing my ear. Then he was gone, and I was alone.
48
Splinter: Yes, Oroku Saki, I know who you are. We met many years ago in the home of my master, Omato Yoshi! [Shredder removes his mask to reveal his bite wounds] Raphael: It's him. The Shredder: You! Now I will finish what I began with your EAR!
49
Splinter: Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be [Shredder throws a hidden knife; Splinter catches it, releasing the spear and letting Shredder fall from the building and land in the back of a garbage truck] Splinter: ...Without honor.
50
Casey Jones: You guys mind telling me what you're doing to my little green pal over there? [Sees April] Casey Jones: Oh, who is the babe? Leonardo: Who the heck is that? Michaelangelo: Wayne Gretzky on steroids?
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