Other Titles • The Sword in the Stone (1963) • Die Hexe und der Zauberer (1963) • Merlin und Mim (1963)
Quotes from The Sword in the Stone (1963)
1
Madame Mim: Sounds like someone's sick. How lovely. I do hope it's serious. Something dreadful.
2
[last lines] Merlin: Why, they might even make a motion picture about you. Arthur: Motion picture? Merlin: Oh. Well, that's something like television... without commercials.
3
Merlin: [to the sugar pot] Impudent piece of crockery.
4
Merlin: Blow me to Bermuda! [Merlin suddenly blasts off like a rocket] Arthur: Where... Where did he go? Archimedes the Owl: To Bermuda, I suppose. Arthur: Where's that? Archimedes the Owl: Oh, an island way off somewhere that hasn't been discovered yet. Arthur: Will he ever come back? Archimedes the Owl: Who knows? Who knows anything?
5
[preparing for the Wizards' Duel] Madame Mim: Now, first of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules. Archimedes the Owl: Rules, indeed. Why, she only wants rules so she can break 'em. Madame Mim: I'll take care of you later, featherbrain. [Archimedes huffs indignantly] Madame Mim: Rule One: No mineral or vegetable, only animal. Rule Two: No make-believe things like, ooh, pink dragons and stuff. Now, Rule Three: No disappearing. [pinches Merlin playfully on the nose] Merlin: Rule Four: No cheating.
6
Merlin: Now Mi-Mim, n-no dragons, remember? Madame Mim: Did I say no purple dragons? Did I?
7
Archimedes the Owl: Oh, Man will fly all right. Just like a rock.
8
Merlin: Big news, eh? Can't wait for the London Times. Next edition won't be out for another, oh, twelve hundred years. Archimedes, would you mind sailing down there and... Archimedes the Owl: Not interested! Merlin: Oh, come, come, come, come now. You're as wet as you can get. Archimedes the Owl: No! No, no, no! Merlin: Archimedes, I'll turn you into a human. Archimedes the Owl: You wouldn't dare! Merlin: I will, so help me I will! Archimedes the Owl: All right! All right! [Archimedes leaves] Merlin: Works every time. Just like magic.
9
Sir Ector: [on Archimedes] Ah, I get it! You've got him under a spell, Marvin. You're a magician, eh? Merlin: The name is *Merlin* and I happen to be the world's most powerful wizard! Sir Ector: [laughing] Come off it, man! Gadzooks, ha-ha-ha...! Merlin: All right, I shall demonstrate. [clears throat] Merlin: Higitus, Figitus, Migitus Moe, Wind and snow, *swirl and blow*! [snow billows out of the end of Merlin's wand and covers Sir Ector]
10
Sir Ector: Oh, no, you don't. I'm the master of this castle, and if you think you're going to fiddle with my schedule, then you've better pack up your bag of tricks and be gone! [Merlin disappears] Sir Ector: By Jove! Hey, he's gone. Kay: Good riddance. Merlin: [disembodied voice] I'm gone, but then, I'm not gone. So if I do leave, you can't be sure that I am gone, can you? Merlin: Well, I guess you got me there, Marvin. You win. You're welcome to stay if you like. Merlin: [appearing suddenly] Thank you, sir. You're very kind. Very generous, I must say.
11
Sir Ector: I hope you don't go in for any of that black magic. Merlin: Oh, no, no. Never touch the stuff.
12
Sir Pelinore: It's not just a mere show of muscle, my boy. Jousting is a fine skill. A highly-developed science. Merlin: Science indeed! One dummy trying to knock over another dummy with a bit of a stick. Archimedes the Owl: And the Wart is just as hot for it as the rest of them. Merlin: Aye, That he is. That boy has a real spark. Lots of spirit. Throws himself heart and soul into everything he does. That is really worth something, if it could only be turned in the right direction. Archimedes the Owl: Ha ha! Fat chance of that. Merlin: Oh, I intend to cheat, of course. Use magic. Every trick in the book if I have to.
13
Merlin: [about Archimedes] When he stays out all night, he's always grumpy the next morning. Arthur: He must stay out every night.
14
Arthur: Meriln! Merlin, I swallowed a bug! Merlin: Oh, well, what's wrong with that? After all, you are a fish. Instinct, you know. Arthur: But you said I have no instinct. Merlin: Oh, I did. Well that's neither here nor there.
15
Archimedes the Owl: Now then, boy. Flying is not just some crude, mechanical process. It is a delicate art. Purely aesthetic. Poetry of motion. And the only way to learn it is to do it.
16
Merlin: Madam, I have not disappeared. I am very tiny. I am a germ. A rare disease. I am called malignalitaloptereosis... and you've caught me, Mim! Madame Mim: What!
17
Merlin: It's nothing too serious. In a couple of weeks you should be as good... I mean, as bad as ever. I would suggest that you get some rest and lots, and lots of sunshine. Madame Mim: I hate sunshine! I hate horrible, wholesome sunshine! I hate it! I hate it! I hate, hate, hate...!
18
Archimedes the Owl: Pinfeathers and... [puffs up suddenly] Archimedes the Owl: ...golly fluff!
19
Beginning singer: A legend is sung, of when England was young, and knights were brave and bold. The good king had died, and no one could decide who was rightful heir to the throne. It seemed that the land would be torn by war, or saved by a miracle alone. And that miracle appeared in London town: The Sword in the Stone.
20
Narrator: And below the hilt, in letters of gold: "Whoso pulleth out this sword from this stone and anvil is rightwise king, born of England." Though many tried for the sword with all thier strength, none could move the sword. So the miricle had not worked. And in time, the marvelous sword was forgotten. This was a Dark Age, without law, and without order. The strong preyed upon the weak.
21
Arthur: Oh, Merlin! You're back from Ber... Ber... Merlin: Bermuda? Yes, back from Bermuda and the 20th century. And believe me, you can have it. One big modern mess!
22
Madame Mim: Say, lad, did you know that I can make myself uglier yet? Arthur: That would be some trick - I mean... Madame Mim: Wanna bet? [hides face with hair, pulls hair back to reveal a warthog's face] Madame Mim: Boo! Arthur: Oh! Madame Mim: You see? I win, I win! Aren't I hideous, boy? Perfectly revolting?
23
Arthur: Oh, what a perfect stuffed owl. Archimedes the Owl: [huffing] Stuffed... I beg your pardon? Arthur: He's alive, and he talks! Archimedes the Owl: And certainly a great deal better than you do!
24
Merlin: [covering Sir Ector with magical indoor snow] That is what I call a "wizard blizzard". Sir Ector: [shivering] Hey, Kay, would you look at this? An indoor blizzard! And in the month of July! Kay: So what?
25
Merlin: [teaching Arthur to swim as a fish] Now, lots of ups and downs like a... like a helicopter. Arthur: [confused] Helicopter? Merlin: Yes, yes... oh. No, never mind.
26
Merlin: Don't take gravity too lightly or it'll catch up with you. Arthur: What's gravity? Merlin: Gravity is what causes you to fall. Arthur: Oh, like a stumble or a trip? Merlin: Yes, it's like a stumble or a- No, no, no, it's the force that pulls you downward, the phenomenon that any two material particles or bodies, if free to move, will be accelerated toward each other.
27
Merlin: There, you see? I'm an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!
28
Archimedes the Owl: If the boy goes about saying the world is round, they'll take him for a lunatic. Arthur: The world is round? Merlin: Yes. Yes, that's right, and it also goes a-round. Arthur: You mean it'll be round someday. Merlin: No, no, no, it's round now. Man will discover this in centuries to come. And he will also find that the world is merely a tiny speck in the universe. Arthur: Universe? Archimedes the Owl: You're only confusing the boy. Before you're through, he'll be so mixed up, he'll... he'll be wearing his shoes on his head!
29
Arthur: But I'm supposed to do it. Merlin: No one will know the difference, son. Who cares as long as the work gets done?
30
Arthur: I'm in an awful pickle. I'm king! Archimedes the Owl: He pulled the sword from the stone. Merlin: Ha ha! Of course, of course. King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. Arthur: Round table? Merlin: Oh, would you rather have a square one? Arthur: Oh, no. Round will be fine.
31
Arthur: You mean you know everything before it happens? Merlin: Yes, everything. Archimedes the Owl: Uh-uh-uh-uh! Everything, Merlin? Merlin: Uh, uh... No, no. I must admit, I did not know just whom to expect for tea. But as you can see, I figured the exact place.
32
Merlin: Now, don't you get any foolish ideas that magic will solve all your problems, because it won't. Arthur: But sir, I don't have any problems. Merlin: Oh, bah! Everyone has problems. The world is full of problems. [gets his beard caught in the door] Merlin: Oof! There you are! You see what I mean?
33
Merlin: So you must plan for the future, boy! You've got to find a direction! You've... oh, er... By the by, which direction is this castle of yours? Arthur: I think is north, the other way. Merlin: Oh. [Mumbles] Merlin: All right then. We've got to get a move on. Let's pick up the pace. Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!
34
Merlin: Archimedes, where... where are we? Archimedes the Owl: In a ramshackle old tower in the most misearble old castle in all Christiandom. Merlin: Ca... castle? Archimedes the Owl: Don't you even remember the boy? Merlin: Boy? Sir Ector: [outside, to Kay] Can't you ever do anything right? Merlin: [to Archimedes] Now, just a moment... Sir Ector: Firm grasp on the lance! Merlin: Oh.
35
Arthur: I'll get the arrow, Kay. I'm sure I can find it. Kay: Don't tell me you're going in there. Why it's swarming with wolves. Arthur: I'm not afraid. Kay: Go ahead, then. It's your skin, not mine. Go on, go on.
36
Merlin: [Struggling with a well] A dark age, indeed! Age of inconvenience! No plumbing, no electricity, no nothing! [Slips and almost falls into the well] Merlin: Oh, hang it all! Hang it all! [Starts to leave, but his foot is caught in the chain] Merlin: Oh, leave off! Leave off! You... you fiendish chain, you! Everything is disorganized! One big medieval mess!
37
Merlin: You know, lad, that love business is powerful stuff. Arthur: Greater than gravity? Merlin: Well, yes, in its own way... yes, I'd say it's the most powerful force on Earth.
38
Sir Ector: There you are! What's the meaning of casting your evil spells all over the place? Help me up, boy. [Kay helps Ector up] Sir Ector: Now, what do you have to say for yourself? Merlin: You call washing dishes and sweeping floors a work of evil?
39
Arthur: [singing, as a fish] for every to, there is a fro, for every stop there is a go and that's what makes the world go round [he stops as a frog grabs his tail] Arthur: Hey, let go, let go! [pulls his tail free] Arthur: Oh you big bug-eyed bully you! Merlin: Who, *me*?
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