Other Titles • American Pie • East Great Falls High (1998) • Great Falls (1998)
Quotes from American Pie (1999)
1
Steve Stifler: She called me and asked for my number.
(12 votes)
2
Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually? Vicky: I've never tried it. Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?
(6 votes)
3
Finch: God bless the Internet.
(6 votes)
4
"This one time, at band camp...."--Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) to Jim (Jason Biggs)
(5 votes)
5
Steve Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!
(4 votes)
6
Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Jim: Michelle! Michelle.
(2 votes)
7
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me beautiful. College Girl: What did you just say? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me beautiful! [girl laughs] Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Friends call me Nova as in Casanova. College Girl: That's pathetic! Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez you don't have to laugh at me.
8
Jim: I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
9
Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.
10
Steve Stifler: What did you cocks do to him? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action? Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good! Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!
11
Victoria 'Vicky': I want it to be the right time, the right place... Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.
12
Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like? Kevin: You want to take this one? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie. Jim: Yeah? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah. Jim: Apple pie, huh? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh. Jim: McDonald's or homemade?
13
Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] Jim's Dad: masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] Jim's Dad: I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.
14
[On being sensitive] Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit. Steve Stifler: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.
15
Jim: She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!
16
Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny. Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it! Kevin: Guys... Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one! Kevin: GUYS! I'm serious!
17
Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch. Finch: Single malt? Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.
18
Steve Stifler: I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section", right?
19
[talking about masturbation] Jim's Dad: It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game. Jim: Right. Jim's Dad: It's not a game. Jim: No. Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball.
20
[discussing Kevin difficulties saying he love her] Vicky: Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really care about me, you know even if he can't say if he does. And yeah, he always talk about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right? Jessica: He got a dick, he's a guy. Vicky: Right.
21
[while looking at a picture of Stifler's mom] MILF Guy #2: Dude that chick's a MILF! MILF Guy #1: What to hell is that? MILF Guy #2: M-I-L-F Mom I'd Like to Fuck! MILF Guy #1: Yeah dude! Yeah!
22
[On Condoms] Jim's Dad: Well, they're safer than a tube sock...
23
Coach Marshall: I don't want any of you boys thinking, that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you *score*!
24
Kevin: [after Stifler drinks the tainted beer] Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale? Steve Stifler: Fuck you!
25
[Watching Jim's strip tease over the Internet] Finch: Did not just take out that chair. Kevin: Yup, he took out the chair.
26
Choir singer: [to himself] Just focus on the music Heather: Yeah, that'd be a start.
27
Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here? Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go? Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great. Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo. Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time? Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.
28
[watching Jim and Nadia over the Internet] Kevin: He's pullin' out the porn. Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.
29
Jim's Dad: We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.
30
Jim's Dad: [to Jim] Now, do you know what a clitoris is?
31
Michelle: This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.
32
Garage Band Member: Go trig boy, it's your birthday.
33
Jim: [Naudia takes off her underwear] Holy shit. Finch: HOLY SHIT! Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member: [together] Holy shit Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically] Holy shit!
34
Steve Stifler: You actually said that? [laughs hysterically] Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Shut up! Jim: You did better than me Nova. Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud. Steve Stifler: You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. [shouts] Steve Stifler: SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL! [walks off, laughing]
35
Steve Stifler: Hey, Kev, seen shit break lately? Kevin: Why? What did you do to him? Steve Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one who ass he kicked. Shit break won't have a problem shitting at school any more. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino. [shows a jar of laxatives]
36
Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed. Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]
37
Nadia: I believe "shaved" is the expression.
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