Other Titles • Robin Hood: Men in Tights • Men in Tights
Quotes from Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)
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"Unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent!"--Robin Hood (Cary Elwes)
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Robin Hood: I am Robin Hood, and these are my Merry Men! Rabbi Tuckman: Faygeles? Robin Hood: No, straight. Just Merry.
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"We're men--we're men in tights
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We roam around the forest looking for fights
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We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!"--Merry Men Singers (Steve Lively, Randy Crenshaw, Kerry Katz, Geoff Koch, Rick Logan)
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[preparing to ravish Maid Marian] Sheriff of Rottingham: A chastity belt! That's going to chafe my willy!
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Achoo: Hey, Blinkin! Blinkin: Did you say "Abe Lincoln"?
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[Blinkin, the blind man, is up in a perch looking out for strangers] Robin Hood: Blinkin! What are you doing? Blinkin: Guessing. I guess no one's coming.
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Little John: That there is Will Scarlet. Scarlet: Actually, Scarlet is my middle name. My whole name is Will Scarlet O'Hara. [pause] Scarlet: We're from Georgia.
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Blinkin: Oh Master Robin! [hugging a replica statue of the Venus de Milo] Blinkin: You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs. Robin Hood: Blinkin, I'm over here.
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Robin Hood: Prepare for the fight scene!
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Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it? Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century. Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"? Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse." Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change!
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Prince John: I tell you that tonight, we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way, we ought to have a lot of fun, huh?
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King Richard: Take him to the Tower of London. Make him part of the tour.
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Achoo: Let's get out of this ladies clothing and get into our tights!
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Latrine: [after Mervin eventually escapes] OH BUGGER! [looks at the camera] Latrine: I was this close... I touched it.
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Broomhilde: Nooooooo! Before you do it, you must go through it! Or else I blew it.
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Maid Marian: I've come to warn you, Prince John and Rottingham have hired men to kill you at the fair tomorrow. You musn't go. Robin Hood: Then I won't. Maid Marian: Oh, good. They were going to try to lure you there with an archery contest. Robin Hood: An archery contest? Maid Marian: Their archer is unbeatable. Robin Hood: Really? Maid Marian: Robin, promise you won't go. Robin Hood: All right, I promise you won't go. Achoo: Say Robin, didn't you say... Robin Hood: Cool it... Achoo: Chilled.
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Robin Hood: I lost. I lost? Wait a minute, I'm not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.
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Robin Hood: My first matter of business I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... My friend Achoo. Crowd: A black sheriff? Blinkin: He's black! Achoo: Hey, it worked in Blazing Saddles! crowd: Yeah.
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Little John: Let's face it. You've gotta be a man to wear tights!
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Sheriff of Rottingham: Don Giovanni, if I may say so, your lizard looks limp. Don Giovanni: [holding lizard] Yeah, well, when you get to be my age... Oh! My lizard! Oh yeah!
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Robin Hood: Are you with me? Yea or Nay? Villager: Well which one means yes? Robin Hood: Yea.
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Robin Hood: By the way, do you know praying mantis? Achoo: You're looking at him.
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Achoo: What part of Georgia you from? South Central?
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Angry Villagers: LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!
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[Robin tries to jump on his horse and falls] Achoo: Man, white men can't jump
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[Robin and Achoo are fighting royal soldiers] Achoo: Time Out! Sorry bad guys, but I am running out of air. Gotta get pumpin'. [Achoo pumps his sneakers] Achoo: OK Honkies. Time In!
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Achoo: We didn't land on Sherwood Forest! Sherwood Forest landed on us!
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Robin Hood: This is Ahchoo. Little John: Bless you! Achoo: That's my name, man!
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Robin Hood: This is Ahchoo. Blinkin: A Jew? Here? Robin Hood: No no, not a Jew. Ahchoo.
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[Broomhilde prepares to jump on horse from the balcony] Horse: [makes loud noise and shakes head] subtitle: She's got to be kidding!
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[after falling from a tree] Blinkin: I can see! [runs right into another tree] Blinkin: Nope, I was wrong.
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Sheriff of Rottingham: This is a stealth catapult, we've been secretly working on it for months. It can hurl large rocks at the enemy without it being detected. Prince John: Fantastic how does it work? Sheriff of Rottingham: Its rather simple, you get one of these big rocks here and you put it in this im sitting in then you pull that leaver Prince John: What like this? [John pulls the leaver and flings Mervin into the air] Sheriff of Rottingham: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH
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[Villagers begin throwing food at the archery contest] Blinkin: Oh good, they've opened the salad bar.
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[Achoo has released Robin from a noose] Robin Hood: Nice shooting, Achoo. Achoo: To tell you the truth, I was aiming for the Hangman.
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Robin Hood: Lend me your ears! [Crowd proceeds to pull off ears and throw them at Robin] Robin Hood: That's disgusting!
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Robin Hood: Marion, you won't believe this? Maid Marian: [in sultry voice] What? Robin Hood: The key, it won't turn! Maid Marian: [shocked] What? Robin Hood: Wait! I have an idea! Call the locksmith! Man #1: Call the locksmith! Man #2: Call the locksmith!
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Guard: Robin of Locksley, where is your king? Robin Hood: King? King? And which King might that be? King Richard? King Louis? King Kong? Larry King?
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Scarlet: Blinkin! Fix your boobs; you look like a bleedin' Picasso!
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Prince John: Send word to one and all, and all and one... that's a little redundant, isn't it? Herald: WHAT? Prince John: Shut up!
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Maid Marian: Oh, darling, don't despair! For it is written on a scroll: "One day, he, who is destined for me, shall be endowed with a magical key, that will bring an end to my... virginity." Robin Hood: Oh, Marian, if only 'twere me. Maid Marian: Oh, if 'twere you, 'twould be... twerrific.
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Broomhilde: No ding-ding vithout a vedding ring!
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King Richard: From this day forth, all toilets in this kingdom shall be known as "Johns"!
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Sheriff of Rottingham: I was angry at you before Locksley, but now I'm really pissed off! Achoo: Pissed off? If I was that close to a horse's wiener I'd be worrying about being pissed on!
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Robin Hood: Ah! Right rope!
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Abbot: We are here to witness the marriage, of Mervin, the Sheriff of... [crowd sniggers] Abbot: Mervin? Your name is Mervin? Sheriff of Rottingham: [over crowd laughing] Yes! Yes get on with it. Abbot: OK... Mervin. [crowd starts laughing again]
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Merry Men: We're men, we're men in tights / We roam around the forest looking for fights / We're men, we're men in tights / We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right! / We may look like sissies / But watch what you say, or else we'll put out your lights / We're men, we're men in tights / Always on guard, defending the people's rights.
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Sheriff of Rottingham: [taking off his leather glove and slapping Robin with it] I challenge you to a duel. Robin Hood: [picking an iron gauntlet up from the dinner table and smacking Rottingham across the face with it, knocking him down] I accept!
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Sheriff of Rottingham: This was to be a "private" meeting... I mean, who are these men? Don Giovanni: These? These are my most trusted associates. On my right, Dirty Ezio. On my left, Filthy Luca. Filthy Luca: [Stands Up] We thank you, for inviting us on the day of your daughter's wedding. Don Giovanni: No, no, no. Filthy Luca: I hope that her first child, is a masculine child. Don Giovanni: We haven't even started the meeting yet! Filthy Luca: ...Oh yeah. [sits down]
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