Other Titles • Not Another Teen Movie • Sex Academy (2002) • Teen Movie (2001) • Ten Things I Hate About Clueless Road Trips When I Can't Hardly (2000)
Quotes from Not Another Teen Movie (2001)
1
Jake: No, not Janey Briggs. She's got glasses. And a ponytail. Ugh, she's got paint on her overalls. What is that?
(15 votes)
2
Girl at Party: Dude, you can't start a slow clap at any time and expect everyone to join in.
(15 votes)
3
Catherine: I want you. Jake: But, you're my sister. Catherine: Only by blood. Jake: [Shoving her off] What's wrong with this family?
(14 votes)
4
Jake: She's right... maybe you should get on that plane to Paris. Cause if you stay, we really only have the summer, then I go to college and we'll talk on the phone and spend the occasional weekend together which is nice. But chances are one night I'm gonna get wrecked and have unprotected sex with some girl in my dorm. You'll find her thong and call me a slut... I'll call you a cock-tease and we'll break up. So when you really think about it, what's the point?
(13 votes)
5
Malik: Sure, why not? I am the token black guy. I'm just supposed to smile and stay out of the conversation and say things like: "Damn," "Shit," and "That is whack."
(12 votes)
6
Priscilla: You put the "suck" in "liposuction" You put the "ooo" in "jiu-jitsu" You put the "ism" in "This is all just a defense mechanism".
7
Mr. Briggs: [to Janey] Good night, Pumpkin Tits.
8
cheerleader: You better bring it. Priscilla: Oh, it's already been brought-en.
9
[White cheerleaders] Cheerleaders: We are the North Compton wild cats. We're black, we know it. We shake our big booties and we show it. We ain't white. We ain't white. We definitely ain't white. Break it down niggas.
10
Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up. Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy? Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be waaaay too drunk. Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving. Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up. Janey: Ok, bye, daddy. [Kisses him on the cheek] Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin-tits.
11
Amanda: Do you think I sleep with every guy who writes me a letter? No. I give them hand jobs.
12
Priscilla: I need t-to-the-fourth-power-y Jake: What? Priscilla: Time to talk to you.
13
Reggie Ray: Coach says it's okay to bleed from the ears.
14
Mitch: We were just sitting here like we were supposed to. Richard Vernon: I don't want to hear it mister you just bought yourself another detention. Mitch: That's not fair. Richard Vernon: Cry me a river dickface, you just bought yourself another one. Mitch: [under his breath] Shorts. Richard Vernon: What was that? Mitch: Eat... My... Shorts. Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull young man you'll get the horns. Mitch: I'm shaking. Richard Vernon: You just got another. Mitch: Good. Richard Vernon: You Through? Mitch: Not even close *BUD*? Richard Vernon: You want another one? Mitch: Yes. Richard Vernon: You got it. Mitch: Good. Richard Vernon: That's another one, you had enough yet? Mitch: No. Richard Vernon: That's another one. Mitch: So? Richard Vernon: You just say the word I'll keep going. Mitch: Go. Richard Vernon: Eennie-meenie-mynie...? Mitch: Mo.
15
Janey: I knew it. That's a line from "She's All That". I masturbate to that movie. Jake: [to nosy Flight Attendant right behind them] Do you mind? Airline Clerk: Not at all, I think masturbation is very healthy.
16
[practicing for cheerleading] Sandy Sue: Give me an 'H'. Give me a 'U'. Give me a - giant pussy-licking, ass-fucker cock shit. [the other cheerleaders are disturbed] Sandy Sue: I'm sorry. That was my Tourette's.
17
Priscilla: This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences.
18
Teen at prom: Who would've guessed that everyone in school was a professional dancer?
19
Austin: All I said was: "I'm pretending to whisper a big secret in your ear so that Jake here thinks I'm telling you a secret, which will cause him to break into a hysterical confession where he actually reveals a big secret. Thus confirming everything I just whispered in your ear."
20
Catherine: Not scoring any cock, either? Sadie: Cock? I've never even been kissed
21
Mitch: No longer will our penises be flaccid and unused. Bruce: No longer we steal grandfather's porn. Ox: No longer we will wear blindfolds while jerking each other off.
22
Bruce: Mitch, girl go pee-pee not something I want to see-see. Ox: I agree-gree.
23
Catherine: [During song] So what if we have the same mother. Tonight I'm gonna Fuck my Brother.
24
Janey: [talking about her dead mom] I remember it like it was yesterday, Christmas 1989, Dad had just gotten fired from the Zippo factory, Mom was still pulling in tricks to make ends meet, Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for "My Left Foot", and all I wanted was one of those little Betsy Wetsy dolls. Jake: I remember those. Push her belly and she'd piss all over herself. Janey: She said she was going out to get my Dad a bottle of gin, but, I knew she was going to get me that present. It was raining really hard that night, the roads were... slippery. Jake: Janey... a car accident. Janey: No. Cancer.
25
Austin: My Freshmen year I threw 176 touchdown passes. My sophomore year I ran in 14 myself... with a sprained ankle, a broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum, and a sub dermal hematoma.
26
Jake: Hey Janey. What's up? Janey: Excuse me? Jake: So listen, you ever wondered what it'd be like to be the most popular girl in school? Janey: You mean anorexic, superficial, a bitch, a whore who lacks any real long-term goals? Jake: Uhhh ha ha... exactly. So, if you're interested, I thought that maybe we could go out sometime, be seen in public together. Janey: You haven't spoken to me in, like, four years Jake. Jake: Actually, it's more like six, because the time you're referring to when we were standing in line at that movie theater, I was actually saying "hey" to the person right behind you.
27
Catherine: Can I ask you a question? Why is it then whenever I tell a guy to put it wherever they want, they always stick it in my ass? Malik: Damn. Jake: Please that's way too much information. Catherine: Oh no Jake. Way too much information would be telling you that whenever they're done I always have to take a huge dump. Malik: Shit. Catherine: On their chest. Malik: Oh, that is whack.
28
[during song] Mitch: Getting pussy, no matter what. Bruce: Even if it with dirty slut. Ox: True love is what I want the most. Fat Short Order Cook: I just jerked off in your French toast.
29
[During song] Malik: I'm only in this song because I'm the black guy.
30
Malik: What are you doing here? Other black guy at party: What do you mean? Malik: I am supposed to be the only black guy at this party. Other black guy at party: Oh, damn. Shit. Malik: I know, I know. Other black guy at party, Malik: [Together] It's whack.
31
Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail. Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls. Janey: Right... you never noticed those either.
32
Mitch: God, we're pathetic. How are we ever going to get laid before graduation? Ox: Mitch, we're freshman.
33
Mr. Cornish: And now the moment every popular guy who's made a bet to turn a rebellious girl into prom queen has been waiting for.
34
Albino Folk Singer: [singing] I have no pigment, I need sunscreen...
35
Areola: But I don't need the class schedule. I only come to this country to be object of lust for poor nerds who cannot get American pussy.
36
Jake: Where's Janey? Austin: Little Ms. Run Home To Her Daddy, ran home to her daddy.
37
Ricky Lipman: Heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Ricky! Janey Briggs: Hey Ricky, what'd you do this weekend? Ricky Lipman: Well, Friday night I stood outside your window - in the pouring rain - screaming your name for several hours. And then I spent all of Saturday and Sunday making you this great "Janey I've Been Desperately Trying To Tell You That I Am Madly In Love With You" ummmm... Mix Tape for your birthday. Janey Briggs: A mix tape? Awwwww that's so sweet Ricky. See you in English.
38
[During song] Areola: Look at me, my breasts are perky, yes?
39
Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel. Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo. Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone. Janey: Thank you, daddy. Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.
40
Flight attendant: We all know where this is going... fucking teenagers.
41
Preston: Hey guys, welcome to the party. If you're gonna have sex, please - do it in my parent's bedroom.
42
[Punches Austin] Jake: That's for taking Janie to the prom. Priscilla: You put the... [Jake punches her] Jake: That's for hurting Janie at Preston's party. Les: [Filming] This is really turning me on. [Jake punches him] Jake: That's for... being really weird. [Starts to leave, turns and punches Les' floating bag] Jake: I don't know what that was for.
43
Amanda: What do you think i do to guys that give me letters? I give them hand jobs.
44
[Bruce is white, but trying to be Chinese] Bruce: What up my yellow brothers? Chinks inda house!
45
Jake: How could Priscilla dump me, Jake Wyler? I mean who the hell does she think she is? Austin: I got two words for ya, Jake: Prom Queen... material. Jake: Austin, she's an illusion. Ok, you take away the make-up, the clothes, the way she wears her hair, the smell of her perfume, that cute little face she makes when she's tonguing my balls. Look she's totally replaceable.
46
Austin: Jake Wyler. So congratulations man, you just blew my perfect season. Senor You-Just-Blew-My-Perfect-Season! Jake: What do you want Austin? Austin: A life. And payback. Jake: C'mon man, don't do this. Austin: No, man, I think I'll hang around. Maybe tell Janey a little S-E-C-R-A-T-P...
47
Jake: Man, go away! Austin: No, I think I'll stick around, maybe tell Janie a little s-e-c-r-a...p.
48
Austin: Looks like you've got a thing for butt-ugly girls, Mr. I've Got A Thing For Butt-Ugly Girls!
49
[to Chinese guys] Bruce: Catch you later. [to two white guys dressed in hip-hop clothing] Bruce: What happenin? White Guy: Damn, Shorty, dawg is pretendin to be all Asian, and shit. White Guy: That Cracka is white! Can't he see dat yo?
50
Austin: Let's make like a tree and... branch!
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