Joker: Count my money or party with bitches. Hundred and fitties or big ass titties. Count the green or get in between those titties.
Pinky: [points a gun to Craig's head] Don't move! Or I'll blow your goddamn head smooth off. Now back up. Slowly! Don't say a word. Craig Jones: But I was jus... Pinky: [cuts Craig off] I said don't say a word! Pinky: [giggles] Little muthafucka gonna try and rob me. Well I'ma show you how we do it here in Pinky's *noogah*. Craig Jones: I wasn't trying to... Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut up! Before I bust a cap in yo' ass. Now what'chu been done wit' Day-Day and Roach? Craig Jones: Day-Day is my peep... Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut up! Pinky: Now who sent you, nigga? Craig Jones: Nobody sen... Pinky: [cuts Craig off] Shut the fu...Did I say...Ohhh, nigga! I'll...oh, shit! Say something! Say something else, nigga! I'ma tie yo' monkey ass up.
Mr. Jones: Can't even count to ten and you win the lottery, aint that a bitch
"Ball goin' one way, the johnson the other. The ball/johnson dance!"--Mr. Jones to Craig
Craig Jones: [in Craig's halluncination showing Karla giving him a lap dance] You heard of El Nino? Karla Joker: [Speaking Seductively] Yeah... Craig Jones: This is El Negro. Come on down here and let me tap that ass.
Joker: [after realizing his bedroom door is locked] [using his date's butt as a mouth] Joker: No more locked doors! Gracias.
Day-Day: Roach, if Pinky catches you doing that X-Games shit on the counter, we gon' be fired! African: [walking in store] You motherfuckers. You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this? I can't get jiggy with this shit? Where's the manager, that pink motherfucker? Day-Day: The manager isn't here. I'm in charge now. African: You look like the player-hater who sold me this shit. Give me back my damn money, and I don't have no damn receipt. Day-Day: Where's the cover? African: I don't have no damn cover. Kiss my ass. So what? Day-Day: It looks like you've been chewing on this... African: Bullshit, motherfucker! Do you know who you're fucking with? Day-Day: Bishop Tutu? African: Try again, motherfucker! Day-Day: Winnie Mandela's little cousin? African: Try *again*, motherfucker! Day-Day: Just a ugly ass black dude. African: I'll go postal in this motherfucker. Day-Day: Man, you better get your hostile black ass up outta here! African: [knocking down CDs] Biatch. [Craig comes in, roughs African up] African: Please, don't hit me. This is John Blaze. I can get jiggy with this. Craig: Get your ass up outta here! African: I'm just a bitch-ass nigga.
Day-Day: I got the BGs Craig Jones: What's the BGs? Day-Day: The bubble guts, I'm nervous and I'm bout to shit on my self
Day-Day: [Day-Day introduces Craig to Ms. Ho-Kym] Craig, meet Miss Ho! Ms. Ho-Kym: Ho-Kym, motherfucker.
Day-Day: Ancient Chinese Secret. Ms. Ho-Kym: I'm Korean, motherfucker
Day-Day: Fat bitches need love too, Craig! Roach: Fa Sho.
Mr. Jones: Hey, young man! You got knocked the fuck out!
Pinky: C'mon, Young Blood. Don't kill me, man. I got a mothafuckin' girlfriend. I got a wife on the side.
Uncle Elroy: Negro, what the hell you doing to my woman?
"You ever heard of El Nino? Well this is El Negro."--Craig to Karla
Pinky: [sobbing] Day-Day...is this your cousin? Day-Day: [worried] Yeah, that's my cousin... Pinky: Good, 'cause you're fired! Day-Day: Who, me? Pinky: And Roach, you're fired too! Pinky: [Roach and Day-Day chattering] Pinky: Oh, I heard that! Say it again! Say it again! [looks at Craig] Pinky: I was just about to bust a cap in your ass. Give me back my motherfucking pistol. Fuck out my store.
Tyrone: [Deebo wants Tyrone to call the Food Stand Cashier and tell him to tell Mr. Jones that Craig is "in trouble"] Hello? I have an urgent message for a nigga named Mr. Willy Jones... Food Stand Cashier: Nigga who? Tyrone: [Deebo slaps Tyrone over the head] Ow, I mean, I have an urgent message for a Mr. William Jones. Food Stand Cashier: Urgent message? Tyrone: Yeah, tell him, "Craig's in trouble, come quick." Food Stand Cashier: Craig who? Who is this? Tyrone: Tell him you could just... [begins to sing] Tyrone: call on Tyrone... Tyrone: [Deebo slaps him over the head again] Ow! Tell him it's a friend of the family! Tyrone: [Tyrone hangs up] Man, you better stop hittin' me like. I'll bust your ass just like Craig did. Knock your eye straight.
Craig Jones: Look, we cousins and everything, but don't be hooking me up with the *little* sister that's bigger than the *big* sister!
Mr. Jones: Now Craig, it's gonna be different living out here. Don't let your Uncle or your cousin get you in any shit. Now you hear me? Craig Jones: Pops I'm grown now, can't nobody get me in trouble no more. Mr. Jones: Well I'm glad you said that son, but since you grown, don't bring your black ass back home.
Uncle Elroy: I bet you smoke a lil' weed, don't ya? Craig Jones: Why do say that? Uncle Elroy: [looks at him] Cause your lip's turnin' black!
Craig Jones: What's that smell? Mr. Jones: Must be your upper lip, son, I don't smell nothing. Craig Jones: Ew, I do! It smell like you didn't fall in no mud! Mr. Jones: [while Spraying air freshener] Just use some of this spray, son. Craig Jones: Aw, Too much! [Trying to get the window open] Craig Jones: What's worng with this window? Mr. Jones: It's broken, remind me to get it fixed Craig Jones: [Struggling to get the window open] Damn!
Suga: [groping Craig] Oooh, that's a fat ass! Uncle Elroy: All right, all right, all right, that's enough! Shit! That's enough! Now get upstairs and put some clothes on! Go on, now!
Day-Day: Yo, Pops, I didn't know you had some bitties?
"I'm faded, feelin' X-rated. It's Mr. Nasty time!"--Uncle Elroy to Suga and Craig
"You haven't seen my Aztec Warrior, homes!"--Joker to Day-Day and Roach
"They say there ain't no gravity up there. That means we can get high and never come down!"--Uncle Elroy to Craig and Suga
Uncle Elroy: Hey Day-Day, that crazy bitch out there again!
Day-Day: Man, look at them tig o' bitties
Mailman: So are you like a sports star or something? Craig Jones: Yeah, I play for the Cucamunga Cracker-Killers. You want tickets? Mailman: Hey easy bro! You don't need to call up your posse to do a 187 in my ass.
Uncle Elroy: [to Craig] You family, I love you, you welcome to anything in my house. But don't let me catch you in my refrigerator, don't let me catch you with yo finger in my Suga Bowl, You feel me knockin'.
[discussion about Day-Day's ex] Craig Jones: Psycho, huh? She must be worst than Left Eye from TLC or somethin'. Day-Day: Yeah, well, this fat bitch ain't burnin'!
Uncle Elroy: [Suga falls on Craig's lap, face down] Negro, what the hell you doing with my woman? Craig: I don't know. I must have... shit. Uncle Elroy: Suga? What the hell you doing with my nephew? Suga: I'm sorry, baby. I thought it was you. Uncle Elroy: Come on, baby. I'm faded, feeling X-rated. It's Mr. Nasty Time. Suga: Mr. Nasty Time! Uncle Elroy: Mr. Nasty Time. But take it easy on my back. [to Craig] Uncle Elroy: Make yourself at home, nephew.
African: Motherfuckers. You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this. You motherfuckers! Day-Day: Can I help you? African: What is this? Huh? This shit is whack! I can't get jiggy with this shit. African: You look like a player-hater who sold me this shit! African: Gimmie my damn money back and I don't have no damn receipt! Day-Day: You've been chewing on this shit?
Deebo: I guess I'm gonna have to kill that old dad of his. Deebo: ...after I kill you and Craig.
Deebo: Here come that dog truck. Shut your mouth! We about to fade to black. Craig Jones: [as Craig notices Deebo standing in front of the truck] Daddy, Stop! [Mr. Jones Screams] Deebo: Get your punk-ass out of the car Craig, this is the re-match! Deebo: Get out of the car! Craig Jones: Punch It! Tyrone: [as Mr. Jones drives away] Deebo! Help! Craig Jones: Fake-Ass Suge Knight! Deebo: [yelling out before kicking his brother in the stomach] You know I gonna find you and when I do, I'm gonna put my foot up in your ass! [Looking down at his brother] Deebo: Man get up! Tyrone: Damn! Man, I'm tired. I'm goin to mommy's house. Deebo: [pulling him by the chain on his leg] Come on! Tyrone: [Yelling at Deebo] No!, No! Mr. Jones: [on the way to Rancho Cucamonga] Did you see That! Those two niggas were acting like pit bull dogs!
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