Zoot: I'm confused. Are we with the pirates or with the frog captain? Floyd: Just play the gig, man. Never get involved in politics. Animal: Politics! Politics!
(24 votes)
2
Billy Bones: Beware lad, beware.
(23 votes)
3
Rizzo: What's wrong? Gonzo: It just feels so weird. Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead? Gonzo: Yeah, that... and my pants are filled with starfish. Rizzo: You and your hobbies.
(23 votes)
4
First Pirate: Dead Tom is dead. Long John shot him. Second Pirate: But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.
(21 votes)
5
Statler: "Take a cruise," you said. "See the world," you said. Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship. Waldorf: Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.
(21 votes)
6
Rizzo: Captured by crazed wild boars and about to be sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar. Gonzo: Are we lucky or what?
7
Gonzo: One leg, Jim, count'em, one.
8
Benjamina Gunn: You left me standing at the altar. Captain Abraham Smollett: I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet. Benjamina Gunn: You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.
9
Benjamina Gunn: All right. No more Ms. Nice Guy.
10
Rizzo: It's some kind of a blind fiend. Gonzo: I believe they prefer visually challenged fiend.
11
Rizzo: He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie.
12
Rizzo: I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience.
13
Gonzo: I'm getting taller. This is cool; I may have a future in the NBA
14
Captain Abraham Smollett: Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired them? [Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger] Captain Abraham Smollett: Your finger hired the crew? Squire Trelawney: No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew.
15
Benjamina Gunn: You can't hurt my frog.
16
Billy Bones: How does she bloody do that?
17
Mr. Samuel Erroll: That will be 40 lashes and then you walk the plank. Captain Abraham Smollett: I didn't say that, Mr. Erroll. Mr. Samuel Erroll: I was anticipating your whim, sir.
18
Gonzo: I thought pirates had talking parrots as pets. Long John Silver: Talking... parrots? Polly Lobster: What an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots, what's next - a singing, dancing mouse with his own amusement park?
19
Rizzo: If you're going to be the cook on this ship, Mr. Silver, I am definitely going to need bigger pants.
20
Polly Lobster: I could have been a lawyer, but I just had too much heart.
21
Clueless Morgan: I have a lovely recipe for blackened rat.
22
Long John Silver: Aw, hell, Jim. I could never harm you. You're honest and brave and true. You didn't learn that from me.
23
Spa'am: Hmm... we see you have boom-boom sticks... bye bye.
24
Long John Silver: Upstage, lads. This is my only number.
25
Polly Lobster: Give it to him. Clueless Morgan: (Confused) But, um, it's not even his Birthday...
26
Rizzo: The ocean. You know, the big blue wet thing.
27
Mr. Samuel Erroll: Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby-Eating O'Brian. Woman: [deep voice] Aye. [officers stand aghast for a moment] Mr. Samuel Erroll: Angel Marie. Angel Marie: [an ugly creature] Aye.
28
Statler: Waldorf, you old fool! We're heroes! We saved the pig and the frog. Waldorf: Well, it was too late to save the movie.
29
Gonzo: Off to Zanzibar, to meet the Zanzibarbarians!
30
Squire Trelawney: Gentlemen, this is a genuine bona-fide treasure map.
31
Mr. Samuel Erroll: Boogie, boogie, boogie. I am the ghost of Samuel Arrow. Boogie!
32
Benjamina Gunn: Smollett. Can it be you? Captain Abraham Smollett: Benjamina. Benjamina Gunn: Hi-yah! [Karate chops Smollett, sends him flying into the gong] Captain Abraham Smollett: [to the gong ringer] Old girlfriend.
33
Rizzo: [greeting rat tourists into the ship] Be sure to have your checks made out to Rat Cruises Limited. Remember: we put the "rat" in "pirate".
34
Billy Bones: [after opening sequence] Now isn't that a story worth a hearin'? Pig Bar Patron: It was the first dozen time we heard it. Sailor Mug: I'll drink to that.
35
Captain Abraham Smollett: Bejamiana, I'm sorry. Benjamina Gunn: SORRY? No, pal, sorry doesn't cut it. You left me standing on the ALTAR! My mother had come all the way from France! I was wearing her white heirloom wedding dress! THE CAKE WAS FILLED WITH LEMON CUSTARD!
36
Long John Silver: Well, Benjamina, this seems to be your day for renewing old... acquaintances. Benjamina Gunn: Oh! Well...hello, Long John. Captain Abraham Smollett: Oh, no! Him too? Benjamina Gunn: Well, maybe if you'd married me...!
37
Polly Lobster: Maybe Clueless Morgan is right. Maybe this is a cursed place. Long John Silver: I'll show you cursed, you yellow-bellied, toffee-hearted, lily-livered, little wuss of a crustacean!
38
Billy Bones: [in response to Gonzo's smart remark] It ain't no jokin' matter, hose nose!
39
[Trelawney tosses brandy out the window; screams; two annoyed rats appear at the window] Rat with Pipe: You wanna knock it off with the booze? It's peeling the paint off of the shuffleboard court.
40
Mrs. Bluberidge: [to the cow] You aren't drunk again, are you? Cow: [drunkenly] Moo.
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