Underworld (2003)

UNDERWORLD
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2003 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****):  *

Like the cowboy who is all hat and no cattle, UNDERWORLD is all style and no movie. All dressed up in long, black leather coats and with more ominous weather than a hurricane, the picture hasn't a clue as to what it wants to say. It only knows how it wants to look. It's like a well-dressed prom queen who never bothers to attend classes.

In the opening, the lead character named Selene tries to explain it all to us, but, the more she talks, the more confusing it gets. As far as I can tell, the story is a MATRIX wannabe with a vampire and werewolf twist. Nothing in the movie motivates us to solve its mysteries. As it drones on, the only question you'll want to know the answer to is whether the story will ever end.

With her big guns blazing, Kate Beckinsale (SERENDIPITY) plays Selene, a would-be action hero. An attractive and talented actress, she was badly miscast in the role by her fiancé, director Len Wiseman, a music video director making his very inauspicious debut. His sole idea for the movie is that it should be shot in monochromatic, dark shades of steel blue.

In her most perceptive line, Selene tells one of the other characters, "We have a serious problem." You sure do. Your film is awful.

UNDERWORLD runs a needlessly long 2:01. The film is rated R for "strong violence/gore and some language" and would be acceptable for teenagers.

The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC and the Century theaters.

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