Other Titles • Joe Dirt • The Adventures of Joe Dirt
Quotes from Joe Dirt (2001)
1
Joe Dirt: So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis? Kicking Wing: No. Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers? Kicking Wing: No, I don't. Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser? Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like. Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem, it's not what you like, it's the consumer.
(29 votes)
2
Clem: [talking to fire extinguisher] Hey, You're talking to me all wrong here. It's the wrong tone. You better watch it, or I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that.
(29 votes)
3
Joe Dirt: Keep on, keepin' on
(17 votes)
4
Joe Dirt: Life's a garden, dig it?
(13 votes)
5
Zander Kelly: Now, you're telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?
(15 votes)
6
Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it. Joe Dirt: What? Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it. Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked? Old Cajun man: Home is where you make it. Joe Dirt: Oh. [Walks away] Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn't help me.
(4 votes)
7
Joe Dirt: You guys got somethin' to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mike right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? they don't like no feed back, what's up?
(4 votes)
8
Joe Dirt: My name is Joe Dirte, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.
(4 votes)
9
Railroad Boy #1: Oh - it's *so* flat!
(7 votes)
10
Joe Dirt: Things are gonna happen for me, I'm Joe Dirt.
(4 votes)
11
Buffalo Bob: It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again.
(2 votes)
12
Joe Dirt: Luckily, my neck broke my fall.
(2 votes)
13
Robby: You all right Dirt? Joe Dirt: Yeah, I'm cool. Robby: No you're not.
(2 votes)
14
Joe Dirt: There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I'm number one. Rule number two, the croc's number two.
(2 votes)
15
Zander Kelly: What's the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?
(2 votes)
16
Joe Dirt: If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Jill: Sure will. Do you want to go back to my place? Joe Dirt: Sure do
(2 votes)
17
Joe Dirt: I'm a rocker through and through. Here's a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Leppard...
(2 votes)
18
Joe Dirt: When bad pets go bad, dang.
(2 votes)
19
Joe Dirt: Turn it up
20
Joe Dirt: Right on. You're Joe Meteorite and I'm Joe Dirt.
21
Joe Dirt: This croc ain't no puppy.
22
[Trying to scrape Charlie the dog's testicles off the frozen porch] Joe Dirt: Now, this ain't no flapjack, so I'm gonna be real careful, I won't look.
23
Zander Kelly: What's the story here, I'm a white trash idiot?
24
[Joe falls off a swing] Joe Dirt: And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.
25
Joe Dirt: Well today I'm gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that's right I said Hemi Jill: Wow. A Hemi. Balls to the Wall. Joe Dirt: Yep, left it at a friends house [under his breath] Joe Dirt: actually it got towed away two years ago [loud again] Joe Dirt: but I'm picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say. Jill: That's a big ten-four.
26
[when the dog starts humping Little Joe's leg] Little Joe Dirt: Can I Push him off of me? Miss Clipper: He'll stop humping as soon as he's done
27
Zander Kelly: God Almighty, from inbred heaven?, hey freak boy, 1976 called, it wants its hairstyle back.
28
Joe Dirt: [to himself] YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FREAK. You're going to Hell, Dude.
29
Joe Dirt: And you'll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying 'what's up, baby?'
30
Joe Dirt: That shit'll buff out.
31
Bullying Man #2: [throws Joe an apple core after he farts on it] Here you can eat this. Joe Dirt: I wouldn't eat that unless it came out of Charlene Tilton's ass. Bullying Man #2: You probably liked J.R., you queer. Joe Dirt: [sticks his fists up] This queer.
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