Scarface: Don't worry, man. All we gotta do to get you out is to get ten percent of ten million dollars. Which by our calculations is... Brian: ...Fucking impossible, man!
(127 votes)
2
Mary Jane Potman: My father was a drug dealer. Thurgood Jenkins: That must have been the shit! Mary Jane Potman: It ruined his life! Thurgood Jenkins: That must have been shitty.
(134 votes)
3
Thurgood Jenkins: If I wasn't from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?
(130 votes)
4
Samson Simpson: I'm going to kill you little Mexican friend? Scarface: I'm Cuban, B! Samson Simpson: YES! Cuban Bee!
(109 votes)
5
Thurgood Jenkins: The MacGyver smoker is a very handy guy to have around, especially when it comes to reefer. McGayver Friend: Hey, man, we're out of papers. McGayver Smoker: All right. Then get me a toilet paper roll, a corkscrew and some tin foil. McGayver Friend: We don't have a corkscrew. McGayver Smoker: All right. Then get me an avocado, an ice pick and my snorkel. McGayver Smoker: [Friend looks at him funny] Trust me, bro. I've made bongs with less. Hurry up!
(104 votes)
6
Kenny: I love horses. Cop: I love horses. Kenny: I love Butterstuff. Cop: Buttercup! Kenny: Butternuts! Cop: BUTTERCUP! Kenny: Cup!
(12 votes)
7
Thurgood Jenkins: [to Mary Jane] Listen, I really like you. I was just wondering maybe if you're interested we can go out later and get some ice cream or something... Scarface: OOH! MOTHER FUCKER SAID ICE CREAM! Brian: BLAH BLAH ICE CREAM! YOU'RE SUCH A DORK, MAN! Thurgood Jenkins: Damn!
Thurgood Jenkins: It was the summer before 9th grade, and there was me, Brian, Kenny, Scarface, and of course the lovable Old James... hold on, wait a minute... Old James... Old James wasn't there... I don't even know nobody named Old James.
(4 votes)
12
Thurgood Jenkins: I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.
(7 votes)
13
Cop: This horse is a diabetic!
(4 votes)
14
Thurgood Jenkins: Smoke-Alot opened up to me like I was Barbara Walters. It was ridiculous, he told me about his lawyer... Sir-Smoke-Alot: He had sex with my momma! Why? Thurgood Jenkins: Spirituality... Sir-Smoke-Alot: God, if you listenin', help!... Thurgood Jenkins: His bad back... Sir-Smoke-Alot: The doctor said I need a backiotomy. Thurgood Jenkins: His love life... Sir-Smoke-Alot: I'm impotent, man! Get away from me, biatch! [pushing a girl aside] Thurgood Jenkins: I mean, talk about a guy with problems.
(4 votes)
15
Thurgood Jenkins: I'm sorry, yo. I don't wanna be the first nigga to die from a crossbow!
(3 votes)
16
Thurgood Jenkins: Abba Zabba, you my only friend.
(2 votes)
17
Thurgood Jenkins: Guys just shutup about the weed for two seconds, I don't want this girl to know I smoke Scarface: Yeah it's bad enough you a janitor yo. Thurgood Jenkins: Custodian, dick!
(2 votes)
18
Thurgood Jenkins: You know I got some weed at work today, if y'all wanna try it out. Scarface: Nah, we don't feel like smokin right now. Thurgood Jenkins: Me neither. So y'all wanna smoke? Scarface: I'll get Billy Bong Thornton! Brian: No man. No Billy Bong Thornton without Kenny. That wouldn't be right. Get Wesley Pipes.
(2 votes)
19
Brian: Hey, Jan... will you be my girlfriend? Jan: Well, I would, but I'm gay. I'm a big dyke. Brian: Oh. What's that like?
(2 votes)
20
Kenny: [to horse] Hey, girl! You hungry? Overweight Woman: [walking by and overhears] Fuck you, nigga! Kenny: I'm sorry! I was talking to the horse.
(2 votes)
21
I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: Would you like to hear some of my poetry? Thurgood Jenkins: Not really, no. I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: You really should. "I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I... I must seek Buddha. I must seek Christ" Thurgood Jenkins: You must seek therapy. But that's just where I would go with that.
(2 votes)
22
Thurgood Jenkins: So, now we all live together in New York. I myself, am a master of the custodial arts. Or a janitor, if you wanna be a dick about it.
(2 votes)
23
Thurgood Jenkins: This weed was the shiz-nittlebam snip-snap-sack.
(2 votes)
24
Kenny: I didn't know that horse was a diabetic!
25
Scarface: I got it! Why don't we sell that weed that we smoked earlier! Thurgood Jenkins: We suggested that already! Scarface: For real, B? [Phone beeps go off in Scarface's head] Voice: Marijuana affects the memory.
26
Thurgood Jenkins: I love weed, LOVE IT! But not as much as I love pussy!
27
Kenny: In eleven days I'm as good as skewered! Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?
28
Detective: Hey! You paying attention? Brian: No.
29
Thurgood Jenkins: This money is not for spending, it's for saving! Kenny's sweet virgin ass! You guys spend one more dime I swear I will *bitch*slap you! Gimme that! [takes a hit from a roach] Thurgood Jenkins: I'm sorry for yelling.
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