"Come on over here, honey. You've managed to charm me with your moronic innocence." -- Calli (ANN MAGNUSON) to Nathanial (CHRIS ELLIOTT)
2
"You remind me of my niece Sally. Lovely girl. She's a dietitian." -- Earl Hofert [DAVID LETTERMAN] to Nathanial (CHRIS ELLIOTT)
3
"Oddly enough, it kind of tastes like marzipan!" -- Nathanial (CHRIS ELLIOTT), in response to being forced to lick the deck of a ship clean
4
Nathanial Mayweather: Paps, you've been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had. Paps: Ah, stop that. You'll have my glass eye foggin' over.
5
Nathanial Mayweather: Oh, cappy, tell me about all of this. Tell me about the sea. What does it mean to you? Captain Greybar: Basically, money. I come from six generations of seamen all with the same goal in life: catch fish, sell 'em, get drunk, and get laid.
6
Nathanial: I love sitting up here, looking at those bright, twinkly things in the sky, I forget their technical name. Trina: Stars. Nathanial: Whatever.
7
Old Salt in Fishing Village: Would you like to buy a monkey?
8
Nathanial Mayweather: I just don't get it! She seems totally uninterested in me, despite my smothering obsessiveness!
9
Cupcake: Now I know what you're thinking. "What could be stranger than a big fatass floatin' cupcake?" Heh. How about one that spits tobacco?
10
Nathanial Mayweather: These pipes are clean!
11
Old Salt in Fishing Village: Man, oh man, I hate those fancy lads!
12
Kenny: Mmmm. Gum.
13
Skunk: We're just here to catch fish and stink. Paps: Mostly the latter.
14
Trina: And secondly, don't ever call me missy again or you'll end up losing the rest of your teeth. Paps: Sassy little thang ain't she? Want me to give her a SPANKING? Skunk: Why doesn't she give ME a spanking?
15
Paps: Okay, you icy bastard, how about a hot cup-a joe!
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