Other Titles • The Brave Little Toaster • The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances (1987) • Der Tapfere Kleine Toaster (1987)
Quotes from The Brave Little Toaster (1987)
1
The Radio: I think Houdini did this once, and if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time. Lampy: Well, that's reassuring.
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2
Lampy: I really thought I'd turned in my warranty that time.
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3
Air Conditioner: The whole bunch of you gotta have a combined wattage of maybe five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap metal time.
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4
The Radio: Things could be worse you know. Lampy: How? The Radio: How what? Lampy: How could they be worse? The Radio: They couldn't; I lied.
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5
The Radio: Thanks to my war training, I will simply render the secret appliance knock, and we will be welcomed by the native machinery.
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6
[Radio knocks Lampy off the bed] Lampy: Holy Mother of Edison! What were you thinking? You could have broken my bulb!
7
Lampy: Hey, come over here. I'm gonna... The Radio: Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with? Lampy: Precisely - a total idiot! The Radio: If you sabre wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! [the Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them] The Radio: A blow for Richard! A blow for Marion! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th street!
8
Kirby: Why don't you shut off? Air Conditioner: Oh, I'm really scared there, Kirby. What are you going to do, suck me to death?
9
The Radio: I've always loved travel anyway: the open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grill.
10
Blanky: Do we have to stop here? Toaster: Only for a while. The Radio: Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals within a few days, I've seen it happen! Kirby: And you'll be the first to go, dial-face.
11
Lampy: So... uh... what's this thing with you and the Blanket? Toaster: What thing? Lampy: You know. All of a sudden, you're being so darned NICE to him all of a sudden. Toaster: Oh, that. I was just thinking, and I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better. Lampy: Wow, that's weird. Toaster: What's weird about it? Lampy: I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to him before, and all of a sudden now you're nice to him all the time, and I don't know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, what it all means. Toaster: Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. [Lampy looks puzzled] Toaster: Hmmm. It's, um, let's see... it's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. [Lampy scratches his head] Toaster: It's like a glow... Lampy: A glow! Toaster: Yeah. Lampy: I think I know what you're talking about! It's like the feeling I get when I think about the Master.
12
The Radio: We're trapped here like rats! Small little rats with no hair and one leg!
13
[Radio points at the sun] The Radio: Look, Lampy, from here you can see the really BIG lamp. Lampy: WOW! I wonder where his switch is?
14
[the Radio is navigating the journey] The Radio: North by northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
15
Kirby: Climb on, you idiot! Kirby: Where's Toaster? Lampy: He sank.
16
[Toaster notices Kirby is reluctant to come] Toaster: You know, we could use someone who's really... strong! Lampy: And loud! Blanky: And grumpy! The Radio: And oblivious to reality!
17
Kirby: Oh, come off it! Be serious. Toaster: I *am* serious! Kirby: You're insane! The Radio: Why, if we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved. Toaster: What? The Radio: Or maybe it was a basset hound. Kirby: You're *all* insane!
18
The Radio: [thinking Kirby is a whale] Damn thee accursed whale! By the depths of Hell I stabbeth thee! Kirby: Climb on, you idiot! The Radio: Oh, it's you.
19
Toaster: If a dog can do it, WE can do it! Blanky: But a dog has legs. Toaster: Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
20
Kirby: [about the Master] He's not coming back anyway. Lampy: He might. The fact is there's just not enough fact.
21
Lampy: I remember the first time my bulb burned out. I thought, "That's it! I'm burnt out! Eighty-sixed! To the showers!" And then the master gave me a new bulb... and I glowed.
22
Toaster: What are you laughing at? Air Conditioner: Absolutely nothing, nothing at all. Lampy: I think he was laughing at us. Air Conditioner: You know something? You're a bright little lamp. Lampy: Thanks... Hey!
23
Lampy: Legs would help, you know. Kirby: Brains wouldn't hurt either. Lampy: Lay off. The Radio: Yeah, pipe down, carpet breath.
24
The Radio: Come over here and say that, chrome dome. Kirby: WHAT? The Radio: Oh sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous vacuum".
25
Kirby: I just slipped and fell in. That's all. Lampy: Oh yeah, sure, right. Blanky: You can't fool us. We love you. The Radio: That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
26
Black and White TV: Boy if he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive out to the cab... [Plugsy switches the station] Spanish Announcer: [Speaking Spanish] Lampy: Hey! The Radio: What's the idea? Plugsy: Oh, many pardons. Was you watchin' that channel?
27
Chris: Really, now, why don't you just go out and find a new one? Rob: Are you kidding? Where am I gonna find another toaster like this? [Shows her badly damaged Toaster] Chris: Like that? Probably nowhere.
28
Blanky: Help me! I'm stuck! Toaster: I hear him. Lampy: I don't see him anywhere. The Radio: Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a white, fluffly little angel with a knob-nose. Kirby: He's just stuck in a tree, you guys!
29
Zeke: [Elmo St. Peters had fainted after the appliances scared him half to death and escaped] Did I catch ya at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes.
30
The Radio: Why listen to this. I'm picking up something. I think its a news flash: President Roosevelt has declared today a national holiday in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about. So lock up the office, take down the top and open that rumble seat. Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the starlight roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends the best of luck and a fond farewell. Kirby: Ah, you're all a bunch of junk. [They all laugh]
31
Chris: Hey, what about Moonie's down on 53rd? They've got like used vacuums and junk. Black and White TV: This just in: Moonie's vacuums found to be uh... um... carcinogenic in recent lab tests. Big, big tumors on those rats. Bleagh! We've got photos to prove it, [photos of showgirls] Black and White TV: and I don't even wanna look at them. Uhh!
32
Blanky: Look, the master is down there! Look! Lampy: It's him! Kirby: What? Where? The Radio: Why look! It IS him! Blanky: Maybe he still needs us. Lampy: Yeah.
33
Black and White TV: Why wander endlessly through this sprawling wasteland they dare to call a city when your dreams are all under one roof? Our roof! Corner of 3rd and East. Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of... of... TOTAL BARGAIN MADNESS! [Burts out laughing and collapses] Rob: Have you ever heard of this place before? Looks pretty neat.
34
Air Conditioner: So... It's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you move around, you think you're better than I am. I'm not an invalid. I was designed to stick in the wall! I like being stuck in the stupid wall! I... I wonder if the kid was too short to reach my dials... [Begins to spark and fizzle furiously] Toaster: We didn't mean it. Really! Air Conditioner: [bellows] IT'S MY FUNCTION! [continues sparking and fizzing and glowing] Toaster: No wait. Wait! Kirby: He's gonna blow! Toaster: Quick, yank your plugs! [the appliances all unplug themselves just as Air Conditioner blows up] Blanky: Poor Air Conditioner. Toaster: I didn't think he'd take it so hard. Kirby: Ah, he was a jerk anyway.
35
The Radio: Why if it isn't ol' Rabbit Ears! Black and White TV: Why if it isn't ol' loud mouth! Blanky: Hey TV! Lampy: Howya doing? Black and White TV: Oh, I've got a few more seasons left. Toaster: The cabin hasn't been the same since they took you away. Kirby: Yeah, it wasn't as noisy. Black and White TV: Well I see you haven't changed.
36
Lampy: I've never seen contraptions with so many dials and knobs before. Computer: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology. Lampy: Wow. The Radio: Well what does that mean? Lampy: I don't know. What's that mean?
37
Entertainment Center: Plugsy. Plugsy: Yeah? Entertainment Center: Did you hear that? He's taking some old... STUFF to the dorm instead of us.
38
Blanky: There may be lions in there... The Radio: And tigers and bears. Oh my. Lampy: He's just a baby!
39
The Radio: Good morning, good morning, gooooood morning!
40
Blanky: I'm covered with stickers! Kirby: Well, my bag's full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else!
41
Kirby: What do you mean what are we going to do today? The same thing we've done for the last 2000 days! Chores! Blanky: Chores? Toaster: It'll be fun. The Radio: Fun? I'm up for some fun. Listen to this, a broadcast from Wrigley Field. It's the bottom of the ninth... [Lampy shuts Radio off] Lampy: I don't see how doing chores is supposed to be fun. Kirby: It's not supposed to be fun. It's work. Blanky: I don't want to work without the master. Toaster: Well, if you don't want to work, why don't we play a game? The Radio: A game? What sort of a game? Lampy: What are the rules? Toaster: There's only one rule... no one stops until the house is clean. Appliances: Boo!
42
Lampy: Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing! Kirby: Great. Now let's stop here and have a picnic.
43
Lampy: Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, and Kirby can push us!... No, no, no... Hey! What about the master's pogo stick?... No, no, no... Hey! Why don't we get the refridgerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull?... No, no, no... Hey! The Radio: Shut up! Toaster and Kirby: SHUT UP!
44
Toaster: We're not going to stop until we find him. Blanky: Are we there yet? Toaster: No, not yet. We've got a long way to go. Kirby: Oh boy! You're telling me!
45
Toaster: [They approach the waterfall and Kirby freaks out and tries to swallow his cord] Kirby, no! Lampy: Get the cord out of his mouth, don't let him swallow it! Switch him off! [Toaster jumps on Kirby and flips his switch]
46
Mother: Rob, are you sure you have enough underwear? Rob: Mom, you packed enough underwear to stock the whole dorm. Mother: Did you pack enough socks? Rob: Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything, I'm going to college. It's just college. Mother: Just give me something to worry about. Rob: [talking over her mother] I'm your mother.
47
[Blanky has gone up to the attic to see if the master is coming; when he doesn't, Blanky starts crying] Lampy: Well, was it him? [Toaster glares at him] Lampy: I was just wondering whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know. [Blanky climbs back down, crying] Lampy: So we can assume that it wasn't him? Toaster: Let's get back to work.
48
The Radio: Get ready, you devil dogs, because the master bebob blaster of all time is about to give you a soul injection.
49
The Radio: [Sinking in the mud] Well, this concludes our broadcast day, or week... actually, this concludes all broadcasting of any sort. We'll try to leave you with an appropiate tune [Plays Al Jonson singing "Mammy"]
50
Elmo St. Peters: Now where did that radio go? I could have sworn I left it right here in this very spot. What did it do, just get up and walk away?
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