Senior Ed Bloom: They say, when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true. What they don't tell you is that when it starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up.
(153 votes)
2
Young Ed Bloom: There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger then the other fish. They're just touched by something extra.
(95 votes)
3
Will Bloom: The man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way, he becomes immortal.
(80 votes)
4
Senior Ed Bloom: Truth is, I've always been thirsty.
(78 votes)
5
Senior Sandra Bloom: I don't think I'll ever dry out.
(73 votes)
6
Young Ed Bloom: Sandra Templeton, I love you and I WILL marry you.
(12 votes)
7
Young Ed Bloom: There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool.
(11 votes)
8
little girl in crowd: It ate mah dawg.
(19 votes)
9
Will Bloom: Dad, you're like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined... you're just as charming, and just as fake.
(11 votes)
10
Will Bloom: You become what you always were - a very big fish.
(8 votes)
11
Senior Ed Bloom: You are in for a surprise. Will Bloom: Am I? Senior Ed Bloom: Havin' a kid changes everything. There's the diapers, and the burping, and the midnight feeding. Will Bloom: Did you do any of that? Senior Ed Bloom: Nope. But I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill his head with nonsense, and still it turns out perfectly fine. Will Bloom: You think I'm up for it? Senior Ed Bloom: You learned from the best.
(6 votes)
12
Senior Ed Bloom: I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine, but African parrots, in their native home of the Congo, they speak only French. Josephine: Really? Senior Ed Bloom: You're lucky to get four words out of them in English, but if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything. Politics, movies, fashion. Everything but religion. Will Bloom: Why not religion, dad? Senior Ed Bloom: It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend. Will Bloom: Josephine actually went to the Congo last year. Senior Ed Bloom: Oh, so you know.
(7 votes)
13
Amos Calloway: Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term "involuntary servitude"? Karl: No. Amos Calloway: "Unconscionable contract"? Karl: Uh, nope. Amos Calloway: Great!
(5 votes)
14
Young Ed Bloom: Now I may not have much, but I have more determination then any man you're likely to ever meet.
(7 votes)
15
Will Bloom: Did you get married? Jenny: Yes, I did. I was 18, he was 28. Turned out to be a big difference.
(6 votes)
16
Senior Ed Bloom: The Milk Man dropped dead on our front porch. Turns out my mama was banging the Milk Man.
(4 votes)
17
Will Bloom: Church people drive too slow.
(4 votes)
18
Young Ed Bloom: I just saw the woman I'm going to marry. I know it. But I lost her. Amos Calloway: Oh, tough break. Well, most men have to get married *before* they lose their wives. Young Ed Bloom: I'm gonna spend every day for the rest of my life looking for her. That, or die alone! Amos Calloway: Damn, kid. Lemme guess. Real pretty? Reddish-blondish hair? Blue dress? Young Ed Bloom: Yeah! Amos Calloway: I know her uncle. Friends of the family. Young Ed Bloom: Who is she? Where does she live? Amos Calloway: Forget it kid, don't waste your time. She's out of your league. Young Ed Bloom: What do you mean? You don't even know me. Amos Calloway: Sure I do! You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat! You don't have a plan, you don't have a job, you don't have anything except the clothes on your back.
(3 votes)
19
Young Ed Bloom: You don't know me, but my name's Edward Bloom... And I love you.
(3 votes)
20
Amos Calloway: She likes music. Young Ed Bloom: [smiles] Music. She likes music.
(3 votes)
21
[When meeting young Sandra Templeton for the first time] Young Ed Bloom: You don't know me but my name is Edward Bloom and I love you.
(3 votes)
22
[Amos returns from the woods after being a wolf for an night] Amos Calloway: Did I kill anything? Young Ed Bloom: Only two or three rabbits, and one was already dead, I think. Amos Calloway: I see. That explains the indigestion.
(4 votes)
23
Will Bloom: In telling the story of my father's life, it's impossible to separate fact from fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. It doesn't always make sense and most of it never happened... but that's what kind of story this is.
(2 votes)
24
Josephine: I'd like to take your picture. Senior Ed Bloom: Oh, you don't need a picture. Just look up "handsome" in the dictionary.
(2 votes)
25
Young Ed Bloom: There comes a point when any reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit he made a mistake. The truth is... I was never a reasonable man.
(2 votes)
26
Senior Ed Bloom: Sometimes, the only way to catch and uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring.
(2 votes)
27
Norther Winslow: [after working on a poem for 12 years] Roses are red. Violets are blue. I love Spectre.
(2 votes)
28
[talking about the witch] Zacky Price (Age 10): She'll make soap out of you. That's what they do, make soap out of people.
(2 votes)
29
Senior Ed Bloom: Most men, they'll tell you a story straight true. It won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either.
(2 votes)
30
Will Bloom: Unbelievable. Senior Ed Bloom: The story of my life.
(2 votes)
31
[Ed and Norther are in line at a bank together] Young Ed Bloom: What are you doing here? Norther Winslow: I'm robbin' this place!
(6 votes)
32
Senior Ed Bloom: People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This is not how I go. Will Bloom: Really? Senior Ed Bloom: Truly. I saw it in the eye. Will Bloom: The old lady by the swamp? Senior Ed Bloom: She was a *witch*. Will Bloom: No, she was old and probably senile. Senior Ed Bloom: I saw my death in that eye, and this isn't how it happens. Will Bloom: So how does it happen? Senior Ed Bloom: Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you.
(2 votes)
33
Senior Ed Bloom: I caught an uncatchable fish.
(2 votes)
34
Senior Ed Bloom: And that's my life story.
(3 votes)
35
Senior Ed Bloom: It's rude to talk about religion, you never know who you're gonna offend.
(3 votes)
36
Will Bloom: You know about icebergs, dad? Senior Ed Bloom: Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water. They didn't count on there being an elephant frozen inside. The wooly kind. A mammoth. Will Bloom: Dad! Senior Ed Bloom: What? Will Bloom: I'm not trying to make a metaphor here. Senior Ed Bloom: Well you shouldn't have started with a question, because people want to answer a question. You should've started with "the thing about icebergs is."
(1 vote)
37
Young Ed Bloom: This isn't how I die.
(1 vote)
38
Wilbur (Age 10): Is it true she's got a glass eye? I heard she got it from the gypsies... Young Don Price: What's a gypsy? Ed Bloom (Age 10): Your momma's a gypsy. Young Don Price: Your momma's a bitch.
(1 vote)
39
Amos Calloway: You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean and your drownin'. Take my advice, go back to puddleville, you'll be happy there.
(1 vote)
40
Josephine: You never told me how your parents met. Will Bloom: They met at Auburn. Josephine: But what about the details? How they fell in love. The cirus, the war - you never told me any of that. Will Bloom: That's because most of it never happened. Josephine: But it's romantic. Will Bloom: Mmm... Josephine: Mmm, what? Will Bloom: Well, I know better than to argue romance with a French woman.
41
Will Bloom: And then we have to take Glenville to avoid the church traffic because the damn church people drive too slow.
42
Karl: I don't want to eat you. I just get so hungry. I'm just too big. Young Ed Bloom: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you're not too big? Maybe this place is just too small?
43
Amos Calloway: Her favorite flower is daffodils Young Ed Bloom: Daffodils. [smiles]
44
Ping: [in Cantonese, to Edward who was hiding in the dressing room] Who are you? Young Ed Bloom: [In Cantonese] Please, I'm not going to hurt you. Jing: [In Cantonese] Damn right you're not! GUARD!
45
Young Ed Bloom: I can't go back, I'm a human sacrifice.
46
Senior Ed Bloom: Tell me how it happens Will Bloom: How what happens? Senior Ed Bloom: How I go. Will Bloom: Dad, you never told me that story.
47
Senior Ed Bloom: I tell facts. Will Bloom: You tell lies, dad.
48
Young Jenny: Promise me You'll come back Young Ed Bloom: I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to.
49
[a poem written on a note pad] Norther Winslow: The grass is so green. The sky is so blue. Spectre is really great.
50
Senior Dr. Bennett: Do you want to know what really happened on the day you were born? Will Bloom: Sure. Senior Dr. Bennett: You were born early, without any problems, and your dad was away on a salesman trip and was upset that he couldn't be there. But men weren't allowed in during the delivery, so I don't see how it could be much different. I guess it's not as exciting as your father's version... Will Bloom: I kind of liked your version.
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