"(I must be) picking up 'General Hospital' in my fillings." -- Roger Cobb (STEVE MARTIN) when he hears a woman's voice inside his head
4
"Needs you to set up a Bermuda corporation, so he can write off his honeymoon." -- Receptionist describing one of Roger Cobb's clients
5
Roger: Just because my grandfather didn't rape the environment and exploit the workers doesn't make me a peasant. And it's not that he didn't want to rape the environment and exploit the workers, I'm sure he did. It's just that as a barber, he didn't have that much opportunity.
6
Tyrone Wattell: I have a lot of friends who are crazier than you. But not many friends who are better than you.
7
Roger: You'll have to do it. Edwina Cutwater: Do what? Roger: You know, take it out. Edwina Cutwater: Take what out? Roger: The little fireman. Edwina Cutwater: The little fireman? Roger: You know, my penis. Edwina Cutwater: How dare you say penis to a dead person.
8
Roger: You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?
9
Edwina Cutwater: Guess what I'm going to do? Roger: What? Edwina Cutwater: I'm going to come back from the dead. Roger: Aaahhhh. And what makes you think you can do that? Edwina Cutwater: Because I'm rich.
10
Burton Schuyler: Are you strong enough to continue? Edwina Cutwater: What? Oh, I'm fine. Really. I'm fine. Tell them. Dr. Betty Ahrens: She could drop dead any minute... Edwina Cutwater: Don't mind her. She is only trying to make me feel good.
11
Edwina Cutwater: I can't believe this. I can't even die right.
12
Tyrone Wattell: Pretty hairy knuckles for a chick.
13
Peggy Schuyler: Roger, you go to court tomorrow, we're through. Roger: If I don't, your father will have my balls. Peggy Schuyler: Then it's either me or your balls. You can't have both.
14
Roger: [to Edwina Cutwater] You know, it's just like a dead person to say something like that.
15
Tyrone Wattell: Roger, exactly how do you plan pulling this off? Roger: Beats the heck out of me. Tyrone Wattell: Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
16
Prahka Lasa: Backinbowl. Backinbowl.
17
Terry Hoskins: I love it when you talk like a beer commercial.
18
Edwina Cutwater: Just tell him what happened. I'm sure he'll believe you. Roger: (thinks) What, are you kidding? I don't even believe it. If I tell him, he'll definitely have me put away.
19
Roger: What the hell are you doing in there? Edwina Cutwater: Oh god, don't you guys get enough laughs up there. What have I ever done to you?
20
Roger: You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.
21
Roger: (in church) You really know how to pack them in.
22
Edwina Cutwater: I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry I ruined your birthday.
23
Edwina Cutwater: You are rude, crude, and thoroughly unattractive.
24
Roger: Alright. First, loosen your GRIP.
25
Edwina Cutwater: You know, you don't have to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts. Roger: Great, just what I've always wanted.
26
Edwina Cutwater: Well I don't see why you're getting so upset about all this. Roger: Because I want my body back. And I want my freedom and my privacy. And most of all, I'd like to be able to take a leak without being fondled. Edwina Cutwater: You may find this hard to believe, but 'fondling you' while you make pee-pee is not my idea of a good time.
27
Roger: Is everyone here bananas?
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