Other Titles • Jackass: The Movie • Jackass (2002) • Jackass - Der Film (2003)
Quotes from Jackass: The Movie (2002)
1
[opening line] Johnny Knoxville: I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to "Jackass"!
(21 votes)
2
Bam Margera: Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words, I promise I will get my mom to say, "fuck" by the end of this movie. [after seeing an alligator in her house] April Margera: That's the scariest fucking thing I ever saw!
(21 votes)
3
Chris Pontius: I guess I don't have any last words. I'm just gonna kill myself once I lose my wiener.
(21 votes)
4
Ryan Dunn: I'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.
(21 votes)
5
Johnny Knoxville): You little bastard!
(20 votes)
6
Spike Jonze: [Acting like an old man on a scooter] You're a nice man. Would you like to come over for dinner?
(1 vote)
7
Steve-O: Hi it's cold in Japan, so were going to warm ourselves up with some fireworks.
(1 vote)
8
Johnny Knoxville: Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and we're about to test my Rocket Skates.
(1 vote)
9
Chris Pontius: Wait a minute. I already know my fortune, it's partying!
10
Johnny Knoxville: I think I'm a little concussed.
11
Chris Pontius: [after being swatted by a puma while wearing a foam rubber mouse costume] I don't like him. He's mean.
12
Chris Raab: I'm Raab Himself and I'm a complete fucking idiot.
13
Steve-O: You know it's when like your parents said "I'm not mad at you, just disappointed" You know that hurt so much more. [Laughing]
14
[while viewing the apparatus for the "Bungee Wedgie" stunt] Rick Kosick: This isn't gonna work! Jeff Tremaine: It might...
15
Johnny Knoxville: Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom-boom? Dave England: No man. I shit my pants at the fair.
(1 vote)
16
Johnny Knoxville: Did you see the way I stopped the beanbag with my stomach? That's instinct. You can't teach that.
17
Johnny Knoxville: I was Lon Chaney's lover! Shopkeeper: Go back and love him!
18
Bam Margera: Whose dick do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?
19
Chris Pontius: Hi, I'm Bunny the Lifeguard, any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming, I'm gonna wrestle them down, and probably have my way with them.
20
Steve-O: We wanted to see if you would run! Ryan Dunn: I'm not running anywhere with a toy car shoved up my butt.
21
Ryan Dunn: I'm surrounded by cacti, for fuck's sake... IT'S CACTI! Steve-O: It's cactus! Ryan Dunn: Whatever it is, it hurts!
22
[after waking Phil up with fire works] Bam Margera: Hey Phil, you know you have to get up at 5 in the morning tonight.
23
Johnny Knoxville: There's no such thing as failure, Steve-O!... One thing I know, is good tightrope walking!
24
Ryan Dunn: Knoxville knocked my nuts in half!
25
[after disturbing a golf game with an air horn] Angry Golfer: Didn't I tell you I was going to come over here and kick your ass for that? Johnny Knoxville: But... I'm sorry. I got bursitis. Angry Golfer: You got bursitis. Johnny Knoxville: Yeah. Angry Golfer: So that means you gotta play with a horn? Johnny Knoxville: It helps. Angry Golfer: I'll give you something to play with, pal!
26
Ryan Dunn: I could sure go for a Miller High Life...
27
[Johnny Knoxville returns the badly damaged rental car] Rental car attendant: Whose car is this? Johnny Knoxville: This is your guy's car. I rented it from you earlier. Rental car attendant: Yes... What? Johnny Knoxville: Yeah, I hit a dog. Rental car attendant: A dog isn't gonna do all that.
28
[a man tries to help Spike Jonze after his scooter zooms downhill] Man: You all right? Spike Jonze: Yeah. Man: You have... Your brakes go out? Spike Jonze: Yeah. The whole thing doesn't work. Man: Really? Spike Jonze: Will you push me to the top? I wanna do it again.
29
Ryan Dunn: I'm not too excited about this skit, it's not my favorite I've ever done, because there's a toy car in my butt. But this is the "Butt X-Ray".
30
Ryan Dunn: [after many failed intro attempts, sigh] Goddamn, this is the BMX tug-of-war.
31
Bam Margera: [from extended footage, on phone] How much does Rake hate mustard? [to cameraman] Bam Margera: This is Rake's mom and she says I wouldn't be able to have children in my future.
32
Bam Margera: Look at Phil's tummy.
33
Steve-O: Yeah dude!
34
Johnny Knoxville: This is the Muscle Simulator.
35
Bam Margera: Now these rocket skates are going to be a little different than the last. Johnny Knoxville: You using different bottle rockets? Bam Margera: Nope. Just more of 'em.
36
Johnny Knoxville: I have bad news written all over me.
37
Jason Acua: I'm Weeman and this is a big cone.
38
Phil Margera: Now you're getting crazy with this shit. Ape! He's starting to lose it! Jesus Christ! Ape! I need toilet paper!
39
Bam Margera: This is Sweaty Fat Fucks.
40
Johnny Knoxville: Is Butterbean okay?
41
Ehren McGhehey: What's wrong? Johnny Knoxville: I done fell and busted my ass, that's what's fuckin' wrong!
42
Steve-O: I am so glad I turned this idea down.
43
Johnny Knoxville: [after being beat up by Butterbean] Is Butterbean OK?
44
Rakeyohn: [referring to bungee wedgie] This is worse than the hanging.
45
Man: We have many... What the hell you doin? Dave England: I'm sorry. I'm almost done. Man: I hope you plan on getting' that son of a bitch.
46
Steve-O: [while preparing the wasabi to snort it] Chopsticks are so *stupid*!
47
Johnny Knoxville: [dazed, holding head after golf cart accident] I don't know what happened. I just remember we went in the air and the next thing I know, I'm just... fucked. Bam Margera: Dude, you were hauling so much ass!
48
Lance Bangs: [vomiting, disgusted at Dave England soiling himself] I had to sit there while he shat!
49
Steve-O: [laughing] I ran straight into a crocodile! Oh, my God! Jeff Tremaine: Why can't you walk on a tightrope? Steve-O: [shrugs, scratches head] I dunno.
50
Johnny Knoxville: [laughing at Dave England who has soiled himself] Oh shit, I'm taking a cab home!
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