Other Titles • Van Wilder • Van Wilder: Party Liaison (2002) • National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002) • Party Animals (2002)
Quotes from Van Wilder (2002)
1
Van Wilder: Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
(8 votes)
2
[ink blot test] Stoner Freshman: I see a rabbi, and he's performing a circumcision... on himself though.
(6 votes)
3
Van Wilder: It's a date. Gwen: It's an interview. Van Wilder: First dates are interviews.
(5 votes)
4
Van Wilder: Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
(4 votes)
5
[repeated line, after giving advice] Van Wilder: Write that down.
(3 votes)
6
Van Wilder: All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down.
(2 votes)
7
Taj: I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant. Van Wilder: Okay, we're just going do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk. Taj: Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.
(2 votes)
8
Van Wilder: You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive.
(2 votes)
9
Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you. Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me. [looks up at the ceiling and sighs] Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.
(2 votes)
10
Taj: Is that all you people think about? Getting fucked up?
(2 votes)
11
McDoogle: Ok, Wilder. Let's dance. Van Wilder: It's a good day to die, McDoogle.
(2 votes)
12
Van Wilder: But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge... Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down. Suicidal Freshman: I don't have a pen. Van Wilder: Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.
(2 votes)
13
Van Wilder: The first day of spring semester. A time to say goodbye to the parents once again, and say hello to a few new student bodies.
(2 votes)
14
Van Wilder: I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
(2 votes)
15
Van Wilder: Don't be a fool, stay in school!
16
Van Wilder: What is wrong with people today? Hutch: [taking a hit from a bong] It's the internet, it fries their brain cells.
17
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Van is still in school? Assistant: For the better part of a decade.
18
Campus Cop: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to back away from Van's vehicle!
19
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Sweet Joesph, my son's a fairy.
20
Van Wilder: Take your clothes off. Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes. Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit. [a hairy naked guy runs by] Van Wilder: Except that guy.
21
[after a stripper farts in their face] Van Wilder: Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!
22
Van Wilder: Don't be a fool and wrap you're tool.
23
Van Wilder: Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.
24
Hutch: I've got a plan. Let's go get fucked up. Van Wilder: Sounds good.
25
Panos Patakos: Nobody even knows we're here. Van Wilder: Au contraire, mon freres.
26
Van Wilder: I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.
27
Van Wilder: Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.
28
Richard: You're going to miss the biggest party of the year! [Crickets chirp]
29
Jeannie: This party so rocks, Richard! Richard: This party sucks rectum, Jeannie!
30
Panos Patakos: How do you put a price on dignity? Friend: How do you put a price on poonani?
31
Van Wilder: Whoa, trick or treat. What's going on? Richard: This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party. Van Wilder: Graphic.
32
Richard: Gwen, what are you doing here? Van Wilder: You two know each other? Richard: That's my girlfriend, gluteus erecti.
33
Van Wilder: if you're always thinking about the future, then you kinda forget about the present.
34
[to Gwen's Parents about Richard] Van Wilder: He's here, who is running hell?
35
Van Wilder: Blue. It brings out your eyes. The kid has killer eyes not unlike yourself.
36
Van Wilder: Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! [under his breath] Van Wilder: Not that you had to.
37
Van Wilder: Wow, If he's here, who's running hell?
38
Van Wilder: Well just take a look at this... ya... doodles... I attend class today just about stayed the whole time too! Gwen: I'm glad you went to all your classes today. Van Wilder: And a few that weren't mine, I stepped in the wrong room, liked what I heard... stayed. Gwen: That's great!
39
Richard: Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian. He's in his, what? sixth year? Van Wilder: Actually, its lucky number seven.
40
Taj: [Jumps up] WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT? Hutch: In your room a few days ago. I'm trying to spark this bong, but the damn thing won't light. Taj: That's no bong... It's for my shlong. [Hutch starts coughing and gagging] Hutch: Hold up, I just put my mouth on your cock-pump? [Taj nods his head] Hutch: Oh damn!
41
Gwen: Well I think it takes a lot more then the kind of underwear one wears to define them as a person. [Van looks shocked] Van Wilder: Like what?
42
Campus Cop: We've got a jumper!
43
Van Wilder: Well, you haven't lived until you've shot-putted blitzed on Jager!"
44
Van Wilder: I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake!
45
Van Wilder: Gwen, good of you to come. Now take off your clothes. It is the naked mile run.
46
Van Wilder: All this time I thought I was more to you than a flaccid story.
47
Van Wilder: Dinner for two. Clothing optional.
48
Van Wilder: Hey look. I read the damn article all right. But don't tell anyone because if word gets out that I read my reputation shot to hell.
49
Taj: Doesn't she have a boyfriend? Van Wilder: Details. Only details.
50
Van Wilder: If Milty Mingleton can shove himself into that weenie bikini, then you don't need to be shy about making your donations to the swim team.
Mooviees.com is not the official site for this film.
All editorial views and opinions expressed here are for entertainment purposes only.
Movie Database
In Theaters
