Reggie Lampert: I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else. Peter Joshua: Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.
(28 votes)
2
"Do women think it feminine to be so illogical, or can't they help it?"--Joshua
(24 votes)
3
"I don't bite, you know, unless it's called for."--Reggie to Peter Joshua (Cary Grant)
(25 votes)
4
Peter Joshua: How about making me vice president in charge of cheering you up?
(22 votes)
5
"It is infuriating that your unhappiness does not turn to fat."--Sylvie Gaudel (Dominique Minot) to Reggie Lampert Vass (Audrey Hepburn)
(22 votes)
6
Reggie Lampert: Do you know what's wrong with you? Peter Joshua: No, what? Reggie Lampert: Nothing!
(3 votes)
7
[Tearing filter off cigarette] Reggie Lampert: I can't stand these things... it's like drinking coffee through a veil.
8
Adam Canfield: Wow, when you come on, you come on, don't you? Reggie Lampert: Oh, come on!
9
Sylvie: It is infuriating that your unhappiness does not turn to fat!
10
[Touching the cleft in his chin] Reggie Lampert: How do you shave in there?
11
Reggie Lampert: Of course, you won't be able to lie on your back for a while but then you can lie from any position, can't you?
12
Inspector Grandpierre: We use the guillotine in this country. I have always imagined that the blade, coming down, causes no more than a slight tickling sensation on the back of the neck. It is only a guess, of course. I hope none of you ever finds out for certain.
13
Peter Joshua: So you think *I'm* the murderer? What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not, be the next victim? Reggie Lampert: Well that would be a start.
14
Reggie Lampert: What do I have to do to satisfy you? Become the next victim? Alexander Dyle: That's a start anyway.
15
Reggie Lampert: Hello, Mr. Dyle. Alexander Dyle: Reggie? Reggie Lampert: Well, that's the only name I've got.
16
Reggie Lampert: [pondering] Is there a Mrs. Dyle? Alexander Dyle: Yes... [Reggie's face drops] Alexander Dyle: but we're divorced! Reggie Lampert: [Reggie smirks] I thought that was Peter Joshua? Alexander Dyle: I am just as difficult to live with as he was.
17
Alexander Dyle: All right, get set for the story of my life. Reggie Lampert: Fiction or non-fiction?
18
Reggie Lampert: Wonderful! Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more!
19
Reggie Lampert: Is there a Mrs. Canfield? Adam Canfield: Yes... Adam Canfield, Reggie Lampert: [both] But we're divorced.
20
Adam Canfield: We didn't steal it, there's no law against stealing stolen money. Reggie Lampert: Of course there is! Adam Canfield: There is? Reggie Lampert: Yes! Adam Canfield: When did they pass such a silly law?!
21
Herman Scobie: Now we wait. With our mouths shut. Alexander Dyle: [yawns] Sorry about that.
22
Adam Canfield: Well, what did you expect me to say? That a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? Reggie Lampert: I don't suppose so. Adam Canfield: Well, it's a toss-up, I can tell you that. Reggie Lampert: What did you say? Adam Canfield: Hasn't it occurred to you that I'm having a tough time keeping my hands off you? [Regina is stunned] Adam Canfield: Oh, you should see your face. Reggie Lampert: What's the matter with it? Adam Canfield: It's lovely. [Regina drops her knife and fork] Adam Canfield: What's the matter now? Reggie Lampert: I'm not hungry anymore; isn't it glorious?
23
Tex Panthollow: She batted them pretty little eyes at you, and you fell for it like an egg from a tall chicken!
24
Inspector Grandpierre: Tell me, Mister Dyle. Where were you at 3:30 a.m.? Adam Canfield: In my room. Asleep. Inspector Grandpierre: And you, Mrs. Lampert? Reggie Lampert: I was, too. Inspector Grandpierre: In Mister Dyle's room? Reggie Lampert: No, in my room. Inspector Grandpierre: Obviously you're telling the truth, for why would you invent such a ridiculous story?
25
Reggie Lampert: Marriage license, did you say marriage license? Oh I love you Adam, Alex, Peter, Brian, whatever your name is.
26
Reggie Lampert: Is there a Mrs. Crookshank...? Adam Canfield: Yes. Reggie Lampert: But you're divorced! Adam Canfield: No... [Regina's face drops] Adam Canfield: [Brian/Adam gets out his wallet to show her the picture] My mother, she lives in Detriot, you'd like her, she'd like you too. Reggie Lampert: Oh, I love you, Adam, Alex, Peter, Brian, whatever your name is, I love you! I hope we have a lot of boys and we can name them all after you!
27
Reggie Lampert: Is there a Mrs. Joshua? Peter Joshua: Yes, but we are divorced. Reggie Lampert: Oh, that wasn't a proposal. I'm just curious.
28
Reggie Lampert: You're blocking my view. Peter Joshua: Ohh... which view would you prefer? Reggie Lampert: The one you're blocking.
29
Peter Joshua: [opening the phone booth to see Regina] [Regina screams] Peter Joshua: What are you doing in here? Reggie Lampert: I'm having a nervous breakdown.
30
[Gideon is looking at Charles' body in the coffin and begins to sneeze violently] Sylvie Gaudel: He must've known Charles pretty well. Reggie Lampert: How can you tell? Sylvie Gaudel: He's allergic to him.
31
Inspector Grandpierre: This nose tells me when you are lying. It is never mistaken, not in 23 years. This nose will make me commissioner of police.
32
Leopold Gideon: Well, you know I'd tell you if I had it. Tex Panthollow: Oh *naturally*, just like I'd tell you if I had it. Leopold Gideon: *Naturally*. And that goes for Herman too. Tex Panthollow, Leopold Gideon: *Naturally*.
33
[the third murder has just been discovered] Inspector Grandpierre: Three of them. All in their pyjamas? C'est ridicule! What is it, some new American fad?
34
Peter Joshua: Why do you think Tex did it? Reggie Lampert: Because I really suspect Gideon and it's always the person you don't suspect. Peter Joshua: Do women find it feminine to be so illogical, or can't they help it?
35
Adam Canfield: Heroin, peppermint-flavored heroin.
36
Reggie Lampert: Come in. I've got something that stings like crazy. Alexander Dyle: You're the kind of girl who'd have something like that.
37
Hamilton Bartholomew: [watching Reggie light another one of his cigarettes, immediately after snuffing one out she had barely puffed] Do you know what these things cost over here?
38
[after Dyle sees Herman Scobie hanging from the edge of the building] Alexander Dyle: How are you doing? Herman Scobie: HOW DO YOU THINK? Alexander Dyle: If you get bored, try writing 'Love Thy Neighbor' a hundred times on the side of the building!
39
Peter Joshua: Is there a Mr. Lampert? Reggie Lampert: Yes. Peter Joshua: Good for you. Reggie Lampert: No it isn't, I'm getting a divorce. Peter Joshua: Please! Not on my account.
40
Reggie Lampert: Why do people have to tell lies? Peter Joshua: Usually it's because they want something. They are afraid the truth won't get it for them.
41
Reggie Lampert: Well, wasn't it Shakespeare that said, "When strangers do meet in far off lands, they should e'er long see each other again"? Peter Joshua: Shakespeare never said that! Reggie Lampert: How do you know? Peter Joshua: It's terrible. You just made it up. Reggie Lampert: Well, it sounds right..
42
Tex Panthollow: Oh, poor old Herman. It seems like him and good luck always was strangers. Well, maybe now he'll meet up with his other hand some place.
43
Reggie Lampert: We'll have lots of sons and name them all after you.
44
Reggie Lampert: I'm in the book. Peter Joshua: Are you? Reggie Lampert: Charles is. Peter Joshua: Is thre only one Charles Lampert? Reggie Lampert: Lord I hope so!
45
Reggie Lampert: Could I have one of those? Peter Joshua: One of what? Reggie Lampert: I think Tex did it.
46
Reggie Lampert: You know, I can't help feeling sorry for Scobie. Wouldn't it be nice if we were like that? Peter Joshua: What, like Scobie? Reggie Lampert: No, Gene Kelly.
47
Reggie Lampert: Any minute now we could be assassinated. Would you do anything like that? Peter Joshua: What, assassinate someone? Reggie Lampert: No, swing down from there on a rope to save the woman you love. Like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
48
Reggie Lampert: Which one are you? Peter Joshua: A truthful white-foot. Reggie Lampert: Come in. Sit down. Peter Joshua: Why, do you want to look at my feet? Reggie Lampert: Yes. [sits on his lap]
49
Reggie Lampert: Here it comes, the fatherly talk. You forget I'm already a widow. Peter Joshua: Well, so was Juliet, at fifteen. Reggie Lampert: I'm not fifteen. Peter Joshua: Well, that's your trouble. You're too old for me.
50
Peter Joshua: Reggie, cut it out. Reggie Lampert: Okay. Peter Joshua: Well, now what are you doing? Reggie Lampert: Cutting it out. Peter Joshua: Who told you to do that?
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