Chris Rock: Women ain't gonna let a thing like sense fuck up they arguement.
(22 votes)
2
Chris Rock: The number one reason people hate America, the number one reason is because of our religion. Americans worship money, we worship money. Seperate God from school, seperate God from work, seperate God from government but on your money it says in God we trust. All my life I've been looking for God and He's right in my pocket. Americans worship money, and we all go to the same church the church of ATM, everywhere you look there's a new branch popping up... remind you about how much money you got and how much money you don't got. And if you got less than twenty dollars the machine won't even talk to you. The machine is like you better go see a teller. You ever go to a teller and try to take out eight dollars and fifty cents? Oh it's disgusting... oh man you gotta wait on that long ass line, people doing real transactions in front of you, you get on to the fucking front you fill out your form eight fifty. The fucking teller looks at it she look at you she looks at the check she don't even take the money out of the drawer she take it out of her pocket, "here you go get out of here." And here's something man drugs are illegal but ATM machines are open twenty four hours a day. Twenty four hours a day. For who? Who the fuck is it open for? Have you ever taken out three hundred dollars at four o'clock in the morning for something positive. Shit when you press that machine at four o'clock in the morning I think a psychiatrist should pop up on the screen an go "c'mon man, save your money man. Don't buy drugs buy some rims. They spinning nigger they spinning they spinning nigger they spinning." Americans worship money. Shit you know why banks are closed on Sunday? Cos if they wasn't church would be empty.
(26 votes)
3
Chris Rock: Women HATE women. You get any two girlfriends in this room, been girlfriends for 25 years, you put a man in between them, "Fuck that bitch, " "Fuck that bitch." Guys are not like that. Guys actually think that there are other fish in the sea, and if a guy introduces his boy to his new girlfriend, and when they walk away, his boy goes, "Aww man, shes nice, I gotta get me a girl LIKE that." If a woman introduces her new man to here girlfriend, and they walk away, her girlfriend goes "I gotta get HIM, and I will slit that bitches throat to do it." Every girl in here got a girlfriend they don't trust around their man.
(17 votes)
4
Chris Rock: [singing] Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick! smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick! A put a dick in her ear,dick in the ear, dick in the ear! Fuck her in the eye, fuck her in the eye! Fuck her in the eye, Fuck her in the eye! Blind the bitch, blind the bitch...
(15 votes)
5
Chris Rock: The government hates rap man. And only rappers get gun down like this. I'll tell you right now if Billy Joel, Elton John and David Bowie got shot they'd have Bruce Sprigsteen's house surrounded.
(15 votes)
6
Chris Rock: You can't just whip out a 40 year old titty that's your man's titty. That is your man's titty 40 year old titty your man's titty. 20 year old titty community titty. That's for all to see.
7
Chris Rock: Janet done lost her damn mind, whipping out a titty on a Sunday afternoon. A titty on a Sunday afternoon! 40 year old titty? Your man's titty! 20 year old titty? Community titty!
8
Chris Rock: Titties and tater tots don't mix!
9
Chris Rock: White people sell guns, that's all right. Black rapper *says*, "Guns," congressional hearing!
10
Chris Rock: If drugs were legalized, there would be a drug spot in every corner. It wouldn't be a Starbucks. It'd be Weedbucks. McDonald's? McCokeald's. Krispy Kreme? Kracky Kreme. Krispy Kreme Donuts are so good, if I told you it had crack in it, you would be like, "I knew it was something in there. These donuts are too good. Got me going there at 4 o'clock in the morning going, "Come on, man, open up. Let me have at least one donut. I'll do anything. I'll suck your dick!" That should be the new slogan. Krispy Kreme: So good, you'll suck a dick.
11
Chris Rock: Bush did some things you could never get away with at your job. When Bush started his job, there was a budget surplus. Now there's like a $70 trillion deficit. Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You're closing out your register and it's $70 trillion short. The average person would get in trouble for that. Then he started a war? Now just imagine you worked at the Gap. You're $70 trillion behind on your register and you start a war with Banana Republic because you know they're selling better tank tops than you. So now you've got employees bleeding all over the khakis. Then you finally take over Banana Republic and you find out they never made tank tops in the first place.
12
Chris Rock: It's hard to defend "I've got hos in different area codes". It's hard to defend "Move bitch, get out the way"! [explaining] Chris Rock: Well, as you can see, there's a bitch in his way, that he needs to move. Thus the term, "Move, bitch, get out the way". You need to open your eyes so you can get the bitches out of your way!
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