Other Titles • The Haunted Mansion (2003) • Disney's The Haunted Mansion
Quotes from The Haunted Mansion (2003)
1
[Master Gracey and Sara are in the attic. Gracey shows Sara Elizabeth's wedding dress] Master Gracey: This was to have been her wedding dress. Sara Evers: Oh, it's lovely! Master Gracey: It would have been lovelier still if she'd ever had the chance to wear it. Now it serves only as a dark reminder of what could have been. Sara Evers: To love someone so much and then to lose them so suddenly. I can't imagine how awful that must be. Master Gracey: If you truly love someone, they never leave. They remain in your heart forever!
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2
Madame Leota: Dark spirits from the grave come forth. Lift us from the black. And show us, show us the way back. Jim: Dark spirits? Hey, no dark spirits! Don't you make no dark spirits come out!
3
Jim: Hey honey, you know they have dead people in the backyard.
4
[about to go over a steep hill] Jim: Hold on! Madame Leota: With what?
5
[Jim, Megan and Michael, are in the carriage riding past all the ghosts in the graveyard] Michael: Dad? Jim: Yeah, son? Michael: I see dead people.
6
Megan: Mom, Leota won't shut up.
7
Jim: I gotta help my wife. She'll be... Singing Busts: [singing] Comin' round the mountain when she comes...
8
Michael: I don't wanna whack it, dad!
9
Ramsley: Damn you. Damn you all to Hell!
10
[Emma is carrying a lot of cases for the trip to heaven] Ezra: [indicating the cases] What's all this? Emma: Well, I don't know what we'll need. Ezra: What are you talking about? We're going to heaven. You can't take it with you. Emma: The hell I can't. [starts giggling]
11
Jim: Wait a minute. You're telling me this guy is dead, and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to get jiggy with my wife. Ezra: Pretty much. Are you upset? Jim: The guy is dead, and he's trying to get with my wife. And the house isn't really for sale. Yes, I'm upset.
12
Jim: The butler did it? You got to be kidding me.
13
[Emma and Ezra has discovered the children in the attic] Emma: Are you kids hungry? Does anybody want a cookie? Ezra: Cookies? Don't offer them cookies. They're trespassers. Trespassers don't get cookies. This is none of their concern. Emma: [angrily, to Ezra] It is their concern. They're involved.
14
[during the wedding service, Ramsley askes if anybody has any objections] Jim: [barging into the room] Yeah, I got a few objections.
15
[Jim has braved zombies to get a key that Leota said would solve everything] Jim: I got the key. Now what? Madame Leota: Now you find the trunk. Jim: Trunk? What trunk? You didn't say anything about a trunk. "The key is all. The key is everything", remember? Madame Leota: Look, I don't make the rules, okay? I just work here.
16
Master Gracey: I'm warning you, sir. [pulls out his sword] Master Gracey: Step away. Jim: Man, don't think just because you pull out your sword I'm going to let you marry my wife. Master Gracey: My patience is wearing thin.
17
Master Gracey: I loved her. Was love my mistake? Ramsley: Yes.
18
[repeated line] Sara Evers: I am not Elizabeth.
19
Madame Leota: Evil and darkness have fallen this night. But now, to survive, you must gain new sight. Jim: I must first gain new underwear.
20
[to Master Gracey,who is about to strike Jim with his sword] Jim: Hey. You wanna kill me, kill me. But listen, when I come on the other side, I'm gonna just be whipping your ass for all eternity. [pulls out Elizabeth's real letter] Jim: So maybe you should read this before you stab somebody.
21
Leota: Find the thing that must be read, lest your heart be filled with dread...
22
Jim: Bob Vila would have a field day with this place.
23
Jim: Where's that scary albino when you need him?
24
Master Gracey: You have very beautiful children, Ms. Evers. Jim: I kicked in some chromosomes too.
25
Ramsley: Tears of joy.
26
Hitchhiking Ghost: I could swear he was looking right at me. Hitchhiking Ghost: He's psychic.
27
Ezra: Well, there's always my way.
28
Ramsley: There are worse things than purgatory, madame. I can assure you.
29
Madame Leota: Whom do you seek? Jim: I am seeking a way outta here.
30
Emma: [grabbing the reins from Ezra] Move over. Ezra: What are you doing? Emma: If you keep driving, you'll kill us all. Ezra: Well that's where you're wrong, because some of us are already dead.
31
Master Gracey: Do you believe in ghosts?
32
[while looking at a magazine in Michael's room] Jim: Hey, this is my Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. What are you doing with it? Michael: I don't know. Jim: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, sure.
33
[Michael runs out of his bedroom screaming] Michael: There's a spider in my room! Jim: There's a what? Michael: There's a spider in my room! He's on the window! Jim: Well, why don't you kill it, man? [pause] Michael: That's a big spider!
34
[Jim sees the Hitchhiking Ghosts peering into the carriage] Jim: Hey! Hey, what are you doing? Hitchhiking Ghost: Can he see us? Hitchhiking Ghost: No, of course not! Jim: Yes, I can see you. I'm looking at you right now in your stupid hat! Hitchhiking Ghost: Don't listen to him! He's lying!
35
Megan: [whacks spider] There. Ya happy?
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