Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be. Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.
Charlotte: Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun.
Bob: I don't get that close to the glass until I'm on the floor.
Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids. Charlotte: It's scary. Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born. Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that. Bob: Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life. Charlotte: That's nice.
Bob: I don't want to leave. Charlotte: So don't. Stay here with me. We'll start a jazz band.
[at a photo shoot] Bob: You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?"
Charlotte: 25 years. That's uh, well it's impressive. Bob: Well you figure, you sleep one-third of your life, that knocks out eight years of marriage right there. So you're, y'know, down to 16 in change. You know you're just a teenager, at marriage, you can drive it but there's still the occasional accident.
Charlotte: You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet?
Bob: Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out? Charlotte: I'm in.
Bob: You're not hopeless.
Bob: Enjoy my jacket, which you stole from me.
Bob: For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.
Bob: What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?
[rolling around on the floor, waving her legs in the air] Premium Fantasy woman: Oh Mr. Harris! Don't touch me! Mr. Bob Harris! Just rip my stocking!
[from trailer] Charlotte: I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet.
Bob: I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room... Charlotte: Mmh, that's nice! Bob: And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain. [Charlotte laughs]
John: Why do you have to point out how stupid everyone is all the time?
Lydia Harris: Do I need to worry about you, Bob? Bob: Only if you want to.
Stills Photographer: Are you drinking, no? Bob: Am I drinking? As soon as I'm done.
Lydia Harris: [over the phone] Is this a bad time? Bob: [pauses] No, it's always a good time. Lydia Harris: The burgundy carpet is out of stock: it's going to take twelve weeks. Did you like any of the other colors? Bob: Whatever you like - I'm just completely lost. Lydia Harris: It's just carpet. Bob: That's not what I'm talking about. Lydia Harris: What are you talking about? Bob: I don't know. I just want to... get healthy. I would like to start taking better care of myself. I'd like to start eating healthier - I don't want all that pasta. I would like to start eating like Japanese food. Lydia Harris: [icily] Well, why don't you just stay there and you can have it every day? Bob: [biting his tongue] How are the kids doing? Lydia Harris: They're fine. They miss their father. [pause] Lydia Harris: Do I need to worry about you, Bob? Bob: Only if you want to.
Charlotte: So, what are you doing here? Bob: Uh, a couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son's birthday. And, uh, getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere. Charlotte: Oh. Bob: But the good news is, the whiskey works.
[after a long speech in Japanese] Ms. Kawasaki: He want you to turn and look in camera. Okay? Bob: Is that all he said?
Charlotte: That was the worst lunch. Bob: The worst. What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?
Charlotte: [after Bob tells her of his back pain] I'm in pain, I got my foot banged up. Wanna see it? Bob: [to Chef, sarcastically] How do you say no? [sees the foot] Bob: Oh, my gosh! When did you do this? Charlotte: I did it the other day, it hurts, y'know? Bob: Didn't you feel any pain? Charlotte: Yeah, it really hurt. Bob: That toe is almost dead. [Charlotte laughs] Bob: I think I got to take you to a doctor, you can't just put that back in the shoe. Well, you either go to a doctor or you leave it here. [regarding Chef] Bob: He's smiling. You like that idea? See they love black toe in this country. [Charlotte continues laughing]
Kelly: John, John. You are my favorite photographer. John: Ohhh... Kelly: No. You are. I only want you to shoot me. It's true. [both laugh] Kelly: Oh my God, I have the worst B.O. right now, I'm sorry. [both laugh again]
Premium Fantasy woman: Mr. Kazu sent me, premium fantasy. My stockings. Rip them. [sounds like "lip them"] Premium Fantasy woman: Rip my stockings. Yes, please, rip them. Bob: What? Premium Fantasy woman: Rip them. HEY! Rip my stocking! Bob: Hey? Lip them? Lip them? What?
Bob: Enjoy your fright.
Bob: What are you doing? Charlotte: My husband's a photographer, so he's here working. I wasn't doing anything so I came along. Bob: What do you do? Charlotte: I'm not sure yet, actually.
Stills Photographer: You know double-O-7? Bob: He drinks martinis, but all right.
Kelly: I'm under Evelyn Waugh. Charlotte: Evelyn Waugh was a man.
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