Other Titles • American Wedding • American Pie: The Wedding • American Pie 3 • American Pie 3: Piece of Pie
Quotes from American Wedding (2003)
1
Steve Stifler: It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-fucker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and rock out with my cock out.
(85 votes)
2
Steve Stifler: You hooked up with one other girl for what, ten seconds and you passed up sex with Nadia, fucking stupid. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno.
(67 votes)
3
Steve Stifler: Shhiittt, I got a frosted ass crack! Hey Finch, you want this for here, or to go? Paul Finch: "A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire. Steve Stifler: "Suck my dick!" -Ron Jeremy.
(62 votes)
4
Steve Stifler: What is this, a dance off?
(59 votes)
5
Steve Stifler: [about having sex with Candice] I'm gonna be like, "You like this shit Momma?" And then she'll be like, "Fuckin' right doggie. Suck on my nipples like, like you're milkin' a cow."
(60 votes)
6
[repeated line] Steve Stifler: Fuckin' right, doggie!
(31 votes)
7
Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"? Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning". Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel? Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone. Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear. Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it? Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.
(8 votes)
8
Paul Finch: Stifler's Mom... Stifler's Mom: You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy. Paul Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris. Stifler's Mom: And the pool table. Paul Finch: And the car. Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs... Paul Finch: Oh, man. Let's go!
(7 votes)
9
[last lines] Paul Finch: Oh, Stifler's Mom!
(5 votes)
10
[At the wedding] Paul Finch: Grandmotherfucker. Steve Stifler: Motherfucker. Paul Finch: [smiling] Yes, I am.
(5 votes)
11
Michelle: Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.
(5 votes)
12
Steve Stifler: Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.
(4 votes)
13
Steve Stifler: Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand? [Hits Finch in the groin] Steve Stifler: Bang-cock.
(4 votes)
14
Paul Finch: Love life, get paid, then get laid. That is the basic philosophy of... The Finch-meister!
(6 votes)
15
Steve Stifler: Happy "Fuck Day", Ass Mouth.
(2 votes)
16
Stifler: It's on like Donkey Kong, beeyotch.
(2 votes)
17
Michelle: Hmm... horny, like I wanna bone!
(2 votes)
18
Stifler: Hey, Mr. Party Guy, how ya doin'? Ya havin' a good time? Can I get ya a Gin and Tonic? Ring-Ring, oh hold on. Hello? Yeah? Haha! It's for you, it's GET TO WORK, FUCKER!
(3 votes)
19
Jim's Dad: Michelle, do you know why they call it "making love"? Michelle: No, I just call it boning.
(2 votes)
20
Michelle: How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy? Jim: How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl? Michelle: I'm still a nympho. Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.
(1 vote)
21
Steve Stifler: Told ya that guy wanted to fuck me.
(1 vote)
22
Paul Finch: Voltaire can suck on my balls!
(1 vote)
23
[after Stifler has sex with Jim's grandmother] Kevin Myers: You're a hero. Steve Stifler: Pussy is pussy.
(1 vote)
24
Paul Finch: Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people. Steve Stifler: They're gay? Paul Finch: No, you bleating imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated. Steve Stifler: So, they're gay.
25
[first lines] Jim: Well, Michelle, we did it. Happy graduation.
26
Steve Stifler: Dick. 'Fucking hate not hating you. Paul Finch: I did fuck your mom. [smiling] Paul Finch: Twice... Steve Stifler: Hoo... That's better fucker.
27
Paul Finch: But, as they say, "We'll always have Paris." Stifler's Mom: And the pool table. Paul Finch: And the car. Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs. Paul Finch: Come on you. [pulling her to the staircase]
28
Jim's Dad: Son, step away from the animal...
29
Steve Stifler: If you'll excuse me, I have some shit to attend to.
30
Michelle: So Finch, what will you do with your fancy NYU diploma? Paul Finch: I'll frame it.
31
[Kevin and Finch are looking for Jim's grandmother] Kevin Myers: Guys, what are you doing here? John: The old bitch sucked, so we ditched her.
32
Kevin Myers: [raising a glass to toast] Gentlemen, to the next step... Jim: Oh will you stop with that "next step" bullshit. Paul Finch: Put down your glass.
33
Michelle: Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. It's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time.
34
Stifler: My dick looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls.
35
[to Stifler, after he has been 'caught with his pants down'] Grandma: Focus.
36
[Jim and Michelle are discussing Stifler] Michelle: Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence. Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think. Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.
37
[Jim is nervous before his wedding] Jim: Honesty, now- Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia? Jim's Dad: Why? Did she say something? Jim: Hypothetically, Dad. Jim's Dad: Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm... Jim: If-If-If you weren't married. Jim's Dad: She's a college girl. Jim: If you were a college guy. Jim's Dad: In a heartbeat. Oh yeah.
38
Cadence Flaherty: So, can I see the ring? Steve Stifler: Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket. Cadence Flaherty: Okay, Frodo.
39
Steve Stifler: [chanting] Gonna hava sex witha Caadence.
40
Steve Stifler: I eat the shit here!
41
Bear: SO Stiffy, What do you think? Steve Stifler: What the fuck Buffalo Bill? Bear: What? Too much pink? Steve Stifler: It puts the dress in the drawer and does as it's told. Bear: Oh now that's fucked up... THAT'S FUCKED UP!
42
Harold Flaherty: We're gonna need a mop.
43
Jim's Dad: "Boning"? Well, when you"re not..."boning", how does Jim make you feel?
44
Steve Stifler: Are you saying I'm impolite? Jim: "Impolite" would be an improvement.
45
Fraulein Brandi: Master vas busy putting mop in my fanny.
46
Jim: Stifler, you use the F-word excessively. Steve Stifler: Really? Thanks, man.
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