Mays Gilliam: The guy's avoiding me like he owes me child support.
(133 votes)
2
Mitch Gilliam: There's no such thing as white-collar crime. And there's definitely no such thing as black-on-black crime. Crime is crime. Let me explain something to you. I don't care if you have a white collar or a tank top. If you rob me, I'm gonna whup your ass.
(89 votes)
3
Mitch Gilliam: You gotta dress for the job you want, not the job you got.
(92 votes)
4
Mays Gilliam: If we had laws on the Destiny's Child Video, we'd have less crime. Brian Lewis: I think we should let the people decide. Mays Gilliam: The people can't decide! The people are too busy gettin shot in the ass!
(86 votes)
5
[Mays and Mitch are interrupting Brian Lewis's campaign commercial shoots to force him to debate Mays] Mays Gilliam: I thought I told you that we won't stop, I thought I told you that we won't stop!
(78 votes)
6
Reporter: Who did you vote for? Meat Man: For what? Reporter: The President. Meat Man: Of what? Reporter: The United States. Meat Man: Of what? Reporter: Of America. Meat Man: What America? Reporter: North America. Meat Man: Naw slick, I don't vote. You wanna buy some of this meat or what?
(2 votes)
7
Mays Gilliam: [in his closing speech at the presidential debate] America is the richest, most powerful country on earth. If America was a woman, she would be a big-tittied woman. Everybody loves a big-tittied woman!
8
Mays Gilliam: I'm the Government, I can do anything.
9
Mays Gilliam: Where are we on this running mate thing? Debra Lassiter: I've been making calls. Nobody wants to run with you. Mays Gilliam: Well, who'd you call? Debra Lassiter: Everybody. Mays Gilliam: Did you call Hammer? Debra Lassiter: [Irritated] No, I did not call Hammer. Mays Gilliam: Well, then you didn't call everybody.
10
Debra Lassiter: That's exactly what we wanted to talk to you about. Martin Geller: We'd like you to run for President. Mays Gilliam: Of what? Martin Geller: The United States. Mays Gilliam: Of what? Martin Geller: Of America. Mays Gilliam: Which America? Debra Lassiter: North... America, Mays. Mays Gilliam: Get out of here.
11
Mays Gilliam: [shouts] Security!
12
Super Whore drill instructor: [shouts] You call yourself a whore?
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