Buddy: First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.
(179 votes)
2
[answering the phone] Buddy: Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?
(152 votes)
3
Buddy: Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas Carol. Jovie: No way. Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear. Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing. Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down. Jovie: I *can* sing, I just choose *not* to sing. Especially in front of other people. Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference. Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference. Buddy: No there's not. Wait... [Starts singing loud and off-key] Buddy: I'm singing/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing! Gimbel's Manager: HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole! Buddy: Yes there is! Gimbel's Manager: No there's not! Buddy: We sing all the time! Gimbel's Manager: No you don't! Buddy: Especially when we build toys! [Back to Jovie] Buddy: See?
(118 votes)
4
Eugene: [brainstorming for a new book] What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells.
(127 votes)
5
Walter: Who sent this Christmas Gram? Buddy: What's a Christmas Gram? I want one!
(118 votes)
6
Buddy: I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
(42 votes)
7
Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that? Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite
(36 votes)
8
Buddy: Who the heck are you? Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus. Buddy: No, you're not. Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year? Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son? Kid with Santa: Four. Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name? Kid with Santa: Paul. Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas? Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar. Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk. Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself? Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy. Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies. Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'. Buddy: You're a fake. Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake? Buddy: Yes! Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding. Buddy: You stink. Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, alright. Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa.
(23 votes)
9
Buddy: Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...
(23 votes)
10
Buddy: I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.
(27 votes)
11
[reacting to sign saying "World's Best Cup of Coffee"] Buddy: You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here.
(19 votes)
12
Buddy: [reading the note he left on the etch-a-sketch] "I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR."
(23 votes)
13
Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
(16 votes)
14
[Being beaten up by a dwarf he thinks is an elf] Buddy: He's an *angry* elf!
(16 votes)
15
[Buddy sees the mail room for the first time] Buddy: It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me...
(18 votes)
16
Buddy: [as he is hit by a snowball] SON of a NUTcracker!
(17 votes)
17
Emily: We can't just throw him out in the snow. Walter: Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.
(15 votes)
18
Buddy: Good news! I saw a dog today!
(16 votes)
19
Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.
(13 votes)
20
Buddy: [to Walter] What's a Christmas Gram? I want one!
(11 votes)
21
Buddy: What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?
(11 votes)
22
Gimbel's Manager: This, is the North Pole. Buddy: No it isn't. Gimbel's Manager: Yes it is. Buddy: No it isn't. Gimbel's Manager: Yes it is! Buddy: No it isn't! Where's the snow?
(10 votes)
23
Puffin: Hey Buddy wanna pick some snowberries? Buddy: Not now Arctic Puffin!
(13 votes)
24
Leon the Snowman: Why the long face, Buddy? Buddy: It seems I'm not an elf. Leon the Snowman: Of course you're not an elf. You're six-foot-three and had a beard since you were fifteen.
(11 votes)
25
Buddy: [phone rings, Buddy picks it up] Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?
(12 votes)
26
[first lines] Papa Elf: Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story. Elves love to tell stories. I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps. Disgruntled Cobbler Elf: Lazy bum! Couldn't even make a clog! Papa Elf: You can bake cookies in a tree. As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season. But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every elf aspires to. And that is to build toys in Santa's workshop.
Santa: That's another thing... Buddy you should know that your father... he's on the naughty list. Buddy: Nooooo!
(9 votes)
29
Buddy: [to the doctor] Can I listen to your necklace?
(8 votes)
30
Santa: What in the name of Sam Hill is that?
(7 votes)
31
Buddy: Sorry, sorry. I think your car is pretty.
(7 votes)
32
Walter: What do you want? Some money? Buddy: No! I just wanted to meet you and thought maybe you might want to meet me. Walter: Who wouldn't wanna meet you?
(6 votes)
33
[last lines] Papa Elf: Come here, little one. Poppy wants to see you. [strained]
(4 votes)
34
Walter: [Buddy had just caused Walter to lose a client] You get the hell out of here. Buddy: Where do you want me to go? Walter: I don't care where you go. I don't care that you're an elf! I don't care that you're nuts! I don't care that you're my son! Get out of my life! Now!
(7 votes)
35
Santa: How d'ya like them apples?
(9 votes)
36
Miles Finch: [pitching ideas for a book] No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable. Walter: See, I told you guys. I told them the same thing... Miles Finch: And no farms. Everyone's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise.
(7 votes)
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